Why does my mother still think I am 18?!

I am 31 and my mother still treats me as if I am 18. I am so tired of it. I don't talk to her much because of this. She is always very negative and puts me down. I have always been very independent and I do my own thing and she doesn't approve of it. I am very happy with my life and I have no regrets. Why is she so negative towards me? She is not like this with my twin sister, who needs to get her act together and stop judging others as well. My brother lives at home at 28 and just got a job and is starting school or so my mom says. He has always been babied and this is why he does nothing on his own now. I don't understand why I get all the crap when I am the only one in my family who is doing anything!
She met my bf this weekend and I knew exactly how she would react to him going to Italy for a few years in a couple months and she said what I knew she would. She was negative as usual. She thinks that I am only doing it so I am not alone, um not true. Italy is pretty damn far but Ryan is pretty damn amazing and I am not letting distance be an issue. He puts forth a heck of a lot more effort than any guy who lived where I did and he doesn't even live here now! We get along better than anyone I have ever known and he was very unexpected. He makes me happy and he treats me like nobody ever has. My mother still thinks I am some love struck 18 year old when I am not. She doesn't take anything I say seriously. I am over it and this last time was it. I didn't chose her as my mother. The last few times I have told her something good she makes negative remarks. It's like she wants me to fail at everything. I am tired of it and I have cut friends out of my life for this. I don't like negative people and I have no problem cutting her out of my life. I just want her to once not open her mouth about anything I am doing or heck even wearing. It's always something!

Write down the typical responces on a piece of paper and then when she answers the way you knew she would,pull out the paper as proof of her predictable negativity.
This has worked for me in the past with those types.

Or...
You can record the conversation and play it back to her noting all the negative things said vs the positive things said.

reply to post by mblahnikluver



You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.


You're still her child and maybe she just wants the best for you and her way of showing it is to nag.... who knows man?
I'm sure you know her better than anyone here and probably know why she nags you better than us too...

Talk to her, be honest and say it upsets you... ask her why she does it and what she wants you to do so that she would be happy?

The only way to solve the issue is to talk it through.

Good luck

Mblah..you are one of the smartest, strongest women that I have ever seen.
Create your boundaries for your mom, and for everyone.
What you do with your life does not need to make her or anyone else happy..only you.
Tell her to keep her opinion to herself, as it is not wanted.
Toxic people drain your life energy away, and family can be the worst culprits.
The focus is on you girl....keep it that way.

Originally posted by AccessDenied
Mblah..you are one of the smartest, strongest women that I have ever seen.
Create your boundaries for your mom, and for everyone.
What you do with your life does not need to make her or anyone else happy..only you.
Tell her to keep her opinion to herself, as it is not wanted.
Toxic people drain your life energy away, and family can be the worst culprits.
The focus is on you girl....keep it that way.

Blup and AD,

I have talked to her and told her this stuff and she is still like this. I can't for the life of me figure out why. My Aunt said that I am a lot like my dad, maybe that is it. Maybe I remind her of something she doesn't like. I am sure some of it is my job, dancing, but even when I worked at the bank she still nagged and said I would just mess things up. I honestly won't be calling her anymore. She has not once called me, not in 10years! When I call she says, oh it's about time, and I tell her the phone works both ways! I have had the same number for 5years and its easy as hell to remember so she has no excuse. Between her and my sister, I don't care to speak to them. They are so blind to everything and very negative. I am not like that nor are the people I have around me.

Drums, that is a good idea. It's funny how I always predict what she will say and I even told my aunt way before she even met my bf or even before I got into school, I knew how she would react. I was spot on lol

My aunt knows she is like this with me and she doesn't get it either. I talk to my aunt weekly because I just can't talk with my mother. She was never very motherly, didn't and doesn't want to hear about anything I am doing. If you are upset over a guy, her answer: get over it and stop whining. Yeah!! After a 5yr relationship she told me this, how loving. My aunt told my sister and I something years ago that my mother is the only one to deny. Before she knew she was having twins (my sister and I) the baby was up for adoption. However when I came out it voided the adoption and my dad refused to sign the papers, so my mom was forced to keep my sister and I. I feel that this is why she is the way she is, she is resentful of us. She was 20 when she had us, I wouldnt want twins at 20, no damn way. Ever since my aunt told me this it all seems to make sense.. Could this be it or am I just thinking way out there??? Anyone can reply to this because honestly I am about to cut her out of my life.

reply to post by mblahnikluver

Anyone can reply to this because honestly I am about to cut her out of my life.

honestly...give her the ultimatum, and stick to it.