The Dead Walk!

This just in from WGON Pittsburg, PA.:

"Because of the obvious threat to untold numbers of citizens due to the crisis that is even now developing, this radio station will remain on the air day and night. This station and hundreds of other radio and TV stations throughout this part of the country are pooling their resources through an emergency network hook-up to keep you informed of all developments.

At this hour, we repeat, these are the facts as we know them. There is an epidemic of mass murder being committed by a virtual army of unidentified assassins. The murders are taking place in villages and cities, in rural homes and suburbs with no apparent pattern nor reason for the slayings. It seems to be a sudden general explosion of mass homicide. We have some descriptions of the assassins. Eyewitnesses say they are ordinary-looking people. Some say they appear to be in a kind of trance. Others describe them as being misshapen monsters. At this point, there's no really authentic way for us to say who or what to look for and guard yourself against.

Reaction of law enforcement officials is one of complete bewilderment at this hour. Police and sheriff's deputies and emergency ambulances are literally deluded with calls for help. The scene can be best described as mayhem. The mayors of Pittsburg, Philadelphia, and Miami, along with the governments of several eastern and midwestern states indicated that the National Guard may be mobilized at any moment, but that has not happened as yet.

The main advice news reporters have been able to get from official sources is to tell private citizens to stay inside their homes behind locked doors. Do not venture outside for any reason until the nature of this crisis has been determined, and until we can advise what course of action to take. Keep listening to radio and TV for special instructions as this crisis develops further. Thousands of office and factory workers are being urged to stay at their places of employment, not to make any attempt to get to their homes. However, in spite of this urging and warning, streets and highways are packed with frantic people trying to reach their families or, apparently, to flee just anywhere. We repeat, the safest course of action at this time is simply to stay where you are.

Ladies and gentlemen, we've just received word that the President has called a meeting of his Cabinet to deal with the sudden epidemic of murder that has seized the eastern third of this nation. The meeting is scheduled to convene within the hour. Members of the Presidential Cabinet will be joined by officials of the FBI and military advisors. White House spokesmen are saying there will be an official announcement immediately following that meeting. This is the latest dispatch just received in our news room. The latest word also - this is from nation press services in Washington, D.C. - tells us that the emergency Presidential conference which we just mentioned will include high-ranking scientists from the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. So far, the best advice they are able to give the public is this quote from Chief T. K. Dunbar from Camden, North Carolina, who is quoted as saying, "Tell the people for God's sake to get off the streets! Tell them to go home and lock their windows and doors up tight! We don't know what kind of murder-happy characters we have here!"

Chief Dunbar's words were worn out in grisly fashion just hours ago near the small, normally peaceful town of Willard, Pennsylvania, where the driver of a tanker truck was mobbed by a cluster of apparently would-be assassins oblivious to all concerns for their own safety and blindly intent on attacking the driver. The tanker trunk went out of control and plowed into the gas pumps at a well-known eatery and truck stop known as Beakman's. The truck and gas pumps caught on fire and exploded, apparently maiming and killing gas station and restaurant employees, together with a dozen or more patrons, motorists, and pedestrians. Several bodies were found mangled and mutilated. Many others appear to have been carried off by the attackers.

Eyewitness accounts described the assassins as ordinary-looking people, misshapen monsters, people who look like they're in a trance, and creatures that look like people but behave like animals. Some tell of seeing victims that looked as if they had been torn apart. This whole ghastly story began developing two days ago, and from that point on, these terrible events kept on snowballing in a reign of terror that has not abated. Military personel and law enforcement agencies have been working hard in an attempt to gain some kind of control of this situation, but most of their efforts have been marginally futile up to this particular time.

Civil defense officials in Cumberland have told newsmen that murder victims show evidence of having been partially devoured by their murderers. Consistent reports from witnesses to the effect that people who acted as if they were in a kind of trance were killing and eating their victims prompted authorities to examine the bodies of some of the victims. Medical authorities in Cumberland have concluded that in all cases, the killers are eating the flesh of the people they kill. And so this incredible story becomes more ghastly with each report. It's difficult to imagine such a thing actually happening, but these are the reports we have been receiving and passing on to you, reports which have been verified as completely as is possible in this confused situation."


[edit on 4/1/2010 by this_is_who_we_are]

[edit on 4/1/2010 by this_is_who_we_are]

I will be so glad when it is no longer april 1st......

ZOMBIES!!!!!

YAY FOR APRIL 1ST!

If only this were true I would rejoice and shove my zombie survival guide in my wifes face and say I TOLD YOU SO!!! than I Would grab my bob and leave.

reply to post by captaintyinknots


you and me both I hate this stupid day every year the same crap over and over HAHAHA APRILS FOOLS, Just shut up and no one cares.

Honestly? I'd probably feel better if I heard THIS news story as opposed to say the BS spewing out of Tiny Tim's mouth this morning on TV...
Viva la Zombies! Do they get amnesty too? Health care? Just sayin'...

You gota love April Fools day.

You gotta love paragraphs too!

CX.

reply to post by irishchic


they are un dead they don't need health care! however do they have to fill out the census.

time to put the skills I've acquired playing Resident Evil and Left 4 Dead to use! see you on the battlefield!

reply to post by ashnomadonte


HAHAHA! Wait...don't go giving some of the politicians any ideas,they'd be wracking up that state-funding that the Census is supposed to insure and importing them as residents!!!
We don't need that in South Texas however...there's enough to cover the quota down here...

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"Because of the obvious threat to untold numbers of citizens, and because of the crisis which is even now developing, this radio station will remain on the air - day and night. This station, and hundreds of other radio and t.v. stations throughout this part of the country, are pooling their resources through an emergency network hookup to keep you informed of all developments."

I HATE, HATE!!! Aprils fools day.

Ugh! Freakin' April Fool's Day!!

Just makes me realize how dull our everyday lives have become.Ah well tomorrow the monotony continues.

Good God is this stupid day over with yet...the first couple of joke post were cute, but now it's gotten ridiculous I just want it to be April 2nd already!

i asked a mod to move this to the hoax bin they should have made a aprils fools board for today or better yet posted them on BTS.

LOL, zombies!!!

I definitely found humor in this.
Loved it.

BRAAAIIINNNSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This could be the way it starts folks... It'll be all over the East Coast by 2AM. I'd say the basement is the safest place to be right now>

First Human Rabies Case In State In 75 Years Reported
Man Hospitalized In Serious Condition
POSTED: 9:37 am EST December 30, 2011
UPDATED: 9:40 am EST December 30, 2011
www.thebostonchannel.com...

BOSTON -- A man in Massachusetts has contracted rabies -- the first case in a human in the Bay State in 75 years.
There were few details about how the man contracted the virus. He is listed in serious condition in a local hospital.
The Department of Public Health plans to hold a news conference Friday to discuss the case.
Rabies is a viral disease that infects the central nervous system, ultimately causing disease in the brain and death.
www.thebostonchannel.com...

First Human Rabies Case In State In 75 Years Reported
www.abovetopsecret.com...
by UberL33t
started on 12/30/2011 @ 10:11 AM