Is Bad Parenting to Blame?

The reason why i wanted to post this is because, the other day i was driving behind a school bus, and there were 5 year old kids flipping people off and making rude sexual gestures towards women, i was shocked and appalled at this, are the parents to blame?
do they let their kids watch filthy movies? and play violent games are the kids in this new generation really that bad?

i found a useful article on the subject

www.xomba.com...

Lack of parenting is often the reason some teens make bad choices, but there are some very good and effective parents who find that their teen has made some bad choices. Parents can control much of the world of very young kids, but when the teen years hit it is difficult to know all the ways they may manifest themselves. The brains of teenagers are not completed matured. The prefrontal cortex won't be mature until early- to mid- twenties. This contributes to mood problems, bad choices, and misinterpreting "where parents and others are coming from". Today's teens have been raised in a far more challenging culture. Parents, schools, and our culture often underestimate the intelligence of kids but overestimate their emotional maturity. This makes for a hazardous culture that often require super-human emotional strength to resist some of the bad choices. No teen - no matter how intelligent or mature - has the kind of strength required to get past some things, and all teens are at a higher risk of making bad choices than they ever will be in their life. Kids with learning problems in schools, kids who have self-esteem problems in spite of having parents who've tried to help them have more self-esteem, and any number of other kids are likely to make a bad choice at any time. One bad choice often leads to another, and before we know it we have a teenager in trouble of one sort or another. Teen years are uncertain years for a lot of kids, and even one bad-apple, new friend, can contribute to one bad choice that has bad consequences. If parents keep their children too isolated and away from the world they deny them a normal childhood and normal socializing experiences. When children have those normal experiences that have them in the high-risk culture in which they've grown. When a kid acts up the parent can do one of two things: kick him out or let him stay and decide to fight (and I mean FIGHT) to keep him from straying further over the next few years. When a kid and parents fight that kid has more than enough "emotional support" from the wrong people, who agree with his side of things, outside his family. Bad parenting never helps a child grow into a solid, sensible, teen; but its fairly clear to anyone who knows teens well that many, if not most, bad choices teens make are not the result of bad parenting

its not just teens, its children of all ages, the lack of respect for authority, and the belligerent nonsense, i know ive seen a change, i wasnt that way, my parents raised me with morals and values, what are parents doing different today?

nature versus nurtures...the neverending debate. Frankly I find a balance. The parents can innoculate (so to speak) against bad decisions but at some point the mind matures and the parent can no longer control. When does that mind mature?

up for debate

5 year olds though...ehh I gotta go with nurture on that one

-Kyo

[edit on 11-3-2010 by KyoZero]

Like i have said many times london and uk are using electronic mind control on people for all sorts of reasons. Who knows what effect these weapons are having.

They are being used on schools as i found out to my cost.

People always ignore the fact that there is extremely evil people behind the scenes ruining any life they can. These weapons they use are extremely powerful especially if you are ignorant to them.

I say to you lot, yep parenting may be something today, but what are the scum doing with these weapons to ruin people, and my life is proof that they use these on people at school, and are ruining lifes for no reason.

I've seen some very disturbing stuff that young kids do.

A third grader....demonstrating how to give a lap dance.

A second grader.....writing very risque "love" notes to others.

First graders who can describe, in graphic detail, how many people Freddy Kruger killed in the latest slasher film.

I think it has a lot to do with parenting. Don't know that I'd call it "bad" parenting so much as I would say its ignorant parenting, or limited parenting.

Television, movies, and video games are raising the next generation of society. Now if that doesn't scare the #%!! out of you, it should.

reply to post by yeahright


I agree. Not to mention that media is more available than ever.

I mean, look at what you have to filter:

The internet/computer

Games

DVDS

TV

Radio

The Child's friends

This list could get really long...really fast.
It's alot to keep up with as a parent.

Which is why I dont have kids

Originally posted by yeahright
Well you know, it takes a village.
You can be the best parent ever and once the child leaves the house and gets with a bunch of other 5 year olds, it's monkey see - monkey do. Some of it is parenting, some of it is a lack of supervision outside the home. It's a societal thing. Unless you can raise your child in a bubble devoid of outside negative influences, it's going to creep in to a degree.

I think a lot of it is parenting, and I'll posit that it's probably never been more difficult to be a parent than it is right now.

pretty good point there...I am not a parent but man you can't even spank a child these days

-Kyo

In my opinion, yes – bad, limited or no parenting is to blame. Being in my school years, there is always that usual group who create havoc in our school and majority wise, it’s due to their parents. They either come from poor, bad backgrounds or rich and parents do not have time or want to care for them.

Parents allow them to go wherever they want without informing them, coming back in the darkness of the night. My parents need to know where I am, who I am with and I’m definitely not allowed to stop into a nightclub.

All those who have good manners, a good personality are those, well in my school, whose parents keep a strict control over them. Maybe not very but know a fair bit about their whereabouts, their friends and bring them up in a fairly pleasant environment. It may not be that they’re clever but their parents wish to look after them and do.

Being in year 11, people are fully aware of their actions and do not hesitate to carry them out. They don’t appear to have any conscience, and are selfish hurtful idiots who wish only for the well being of themselves, their “toys” i.e. iPhones, iPod and so on. And most of them that I have seen in the student environment are not very intelligent. They are not diligent in their work. But, not all less equipped people are horrible.

[edit on 11/3/2010 by BlackPoison94]

It is often assumed that disciplining children is all about harsh words and punishment, yet really the purpose of discipline is to teach the child a skill that will serve them well in adulthood: self discipline.


All children need to be taught self-discipline. This is something the parent must do out of love and a sense of responsibility - to help their child. Any discipline that is purely a release of frustration on the part of the parent is harmful to the child's mental state. To shout at, or hit a child in anger will send a message out that the parent lacks self-control and lacks discipline themselves. It encourages the child to think that disputes are better solved by losing their temper and lashing out.

This is not to say that there is no place for verbal or physical admonishment. At times this is the right way to deal with a misbehaving child, and it is hugely preferable to the various passive-aggressive alternatives (such as "love withdrawal") that modern liberals practice. Discipline should be aimed at rearing a child who feels loved, secure and confident, and who can master their emotions appropriately.

All children are different, and react differently to attempts to discipline them. Most are very sensitive to the disapproval of their parents, and feel a strong need to be in favor. Such children react especially well to praise as a motivation to behave well. If the parent rarely shows praise, the child may conclude that pleasing the parent is near impossible - and this leads to the child becoming more likely to be disobedient. Then again, too frequent praise becomes devalued and loses impact.

Parenting is not easy. Few, if any, parents are "perfect". With your first child, you begin a steep learning curve that will lead to being more confident about raising subsequent children. A well disciplined brother or sister will be a massively positive influence on their sibling, just as misbehavior is also copied. Teach the first child well, and you can save effort later on. Above all, never underestimate the necessity of being a good role model yourself.

It's the culture and media that is to blame and society but the parents are at fault to for being clueless and ignorant. The NWO wants kids to behave like this so they are getting what they wanted.

I do place some blame on the parents, but the rest would fall on all of us. We as a people let this happen, the parents had their part, and we had ours. As a parent it starts with lack of discipline, then caving to demands for convenience. The T.V. is a major role model in this behaviour, as is video games. Think family channel shows, that one chick miley cyrus's show whatever its called i watched it with my sister a few times, and the parents take a backseat role as a cool friend, instead of a parent that will exert their morals on the kids.

I do not beleive thats the only reason. I think the majority of the blame lies on us. Political correctness states that if your kid throws a tantrum and manipulates the parents it is completely taboo nowadays to lay a hand on them, i dont mean like beating them, but my god some kids could use a spanking. it shows that they cant do as they please with the only consequence being a "No bobby, please dont rip that boys hair out." or "No, jane it isnt right to smash things when you dont get your way."

Now keep in mind I am still a young person myself, but my parents kept me in line. I know that i should respect all living things as they are just like me, and i appreciate being respected.

I will end with this, please don't lump all the youth of today with a few bad seeds. You may notice the ones flipping you off and yelling and screaming, but we the ones well mannered, and very respectful go unnoticed. We are not all the same, so please dont imply it.

By the time I was 8 I had all the Nightmare on Elm Street movies, Friday the 13th, and Halloween movies. I also listened to heavy metal and played Mortal Kombat. The difference is my parents would spend time with me and if I got outta line I got a whoopin. Bad parents are definitely a problem but i think a bigger problem is broken homes where children are forced basically to pick a parent because the two parents are slandering each other around the kids. I by no means turned out perfect but I always knew both my parents were there for me.

I think a lot of it has to do with the Dr. Spock version of parenting.

I am in my thirties and back-in-the-day (i know, lol) we had what my friends/family call the "Fear of Dad". Remember when you'd do something really, really bad your Mom would say something along the lines of "Wait until your father gets home"? That doesn't exist today, at all.

This era of raising kids by not physically disciplining them (not beating!-spanking, slaps upside the head, etc.) but giving them a "time-out", worrying more about their "self-esteem" than teaching them what's right, and everyone is "special" and a "winner" is what has lead up to what you see in the teens and 20 year-olds nowadays: No respect for anyone or anything but themselves; the demand to respect them; that they deserve whatever they want (because their "special"); and if they don't get their way, you're against "them" (or your a bigot or a racist or a facist or nazi or ad nauseum).

"Papa didn't cuss,
Papa didn't make a whole lot of fuss,
But when we did wrong,
Papa beat the hell outta us,
Hit me!"
- James Brown, "Papa Don't Take No Mess"

When my son went to school in kindergarten he came home with some very interesting language.

We asked him if he knew what the words meant. He didn't.

So we explained the meaning of some of the words to him and we also explained that using the "swear words" would make some people think less of him.

It turns out that one of the students with older brothers had been set up with those words and actually had no idea of the meaning.

You can expect some of this when you send your innocent little angels off to interact with the bigger world.

I think. it is a bit of both, parenting and the media, parents need to teach their kids from an early age, what is right and whay is wrong, that is all they can do, the media makes kids think they have to fit in with the crowd, and that's even present in childrens shows, so its both, but I feel bad for the kids these days, becuse it is tougher to be a kid now, more than ever

This is why, parents are needed now to discipline our kids more than ever. With the growing advancement of our media, we just won't know what our kids will pick out on. Parents should be aware of this and possibly find a way to prevent or limit the use of this media. Active parenting and providing rules on the use of these media should be discussed to the kid so that they understand why you are limiting their usage. Family activities or after school activities which promotes family closeness and that can also replace their time from watching television or using the internet. Instilling values is important in how we want our kids to grow up.

reply to post by l neXus l


Interesting thread OP and an interesting question, but unfortunately I think it's a little limited in scope. The truth is what is going with the youth today; I believe, has many factors and parenting is just one small part of it.

First, you are correct I think a lot of parent's are lacking and neglecting their duties some, but I don't think it is completely the parent's fault. If you look at what is going on in the economy and the dissolving middle class, more and more parent's are having to work harder and harder, just to make the ends meet. In more and more families today, both parent's are having to work, which unfortunately takes valuable time and energy away from the parents, that could be spent on their children, meaning that more and more their kids will be with other people; school teacher's, daycareworkers, etc.

Second, you have the breaking down of community. In our modern era we have amazing abilities to communicate, but in many cases now you have people who know an online friend from another state or country better then their own neighbors. In fact and I am not saying it's like this in all cases, but a lot people today have become insular and self involved and don't hang out with neighbors and participate in the community, They may say hi and bye to the neighbors maybe talk briefly, but then go back in to sit in front of one of the glowing screens; the television or the computer. I remember when I was a kid and sometimes I would be out with friends doing something we shouldn't and when I got home my parents already new what I was doing, because someone in the community called and informed them, doesn't really seem like that sense of community is there anymore, at least not like it used to be.

Third, you have the coarsening of society in general. You look at PG-13 movies today and many of them are equal to what a soft R used to be, with foul language and sexual innuendo and even open sexual topics. You look at the reality shows on TV especially MTV that seem to be about just a bunch of people running around and partying all the time. Add, to that the internet, where anything you want to see is at the touch of your fingertips and there really is no filter anymore. The funny thing is you can't even secure it due to technology, it only takes one kid finding porn, movies and etc and they can actually send that to all their friends via cell phone, even if your home computer is blocked.

And one of the main problems that has always been and that is anyone can do the best to parent their kids, but at some point those kids go out into the world and make friends. Those friends may have bad ideas and give your kids bad ideas, that is peer pressure and it's always been a problem.


Well, those are some of the factors I see leading to some of the out of control youth today. And, I do say not all the youth are out of control, it is probably still a growing minority, but it does seem to be growing. As, far as what can be done to fix it, I don't have any answers for that, yet. I think the many variables in modern society that are contributing to it are to numerous and varied to have a quick fix. But, I also do think it's a little to simplistic to blame parent's and "bad" parenting alone.

reply to post by yeahright

This may well be the case-i have a 5year old son and the way some of his schoolmates talk-eish!! He will tell me sometimes:This one said:"F@%k you" and that one said:"Your mother's @&%€ " I mean,God have mercy,these are 5year olds! And the strange thing,the parents all look like decent,well-spoken people,there are many Muslim parents too,who are even less likely to use swear words at home,or let their kids watch just any crap on TV-but certainly none of these parents come across as the Jerry Springer type,so i think it is a "monkey see,monkey do" type thing,in most cases.There is definitely one bad apple in my son's class,but ive spoken to my son's teacher about it+she's aware of the problem and is trying to help the boy.All i can do is teach my son how to treat people,and himself, with respect by always acting in a decent and socialy acceptable way.I have become aware of a devolution even here in South Africa,though,in the past 10-15 years-kids just seem to be more disrespectful,foul-mouthed and brazen these days.I dont know if the parents are to blame, ive noticed that many kids who act this way,have parents who are downright prim and proper.However,maybe too much unsupervised TV watching+Net access,cus the parents are both too busy working,to afford the expensive luxuries?

When my son went off to kindergarten, he came home with some very choice words.

We sat him down and explained what the words meant. Then we explained to him that some people would think less of him for using those words.

He was very good with his vocabulary after that. The child that taught the other kids to swear had older siblings and I'm pretty sure that's where the vocabulary lesson originated.

The children that I see misbehaving and are aware that their actions are not acceptable come from the parents that are "checked out". The parents are too busy talking to their friends about their new __(fill in the blank)____ to notice that little Timmy is beating the c&*p out of little Billy while little Alice pulls and tugs on mom's shirt to show that she has a very bloody finger. I've seen this!

Another example would be they are too buy with their f&^$%g cell phones while their children call out asking for ___(fill in the blank___! The children act out wanting attention from their parents, not the TV or the video game.

The parents really never grew up emotionally to produce healthy and emotionally stable children. The parents really are the source for that. Granted there is a lot and I do mean a lot of pressure coming from other sources for children to misbehave and it makes parenting a lot harder now that what it was when I was growing up. I've had to give my son the drug and the sex talk while he was still a tween. I figured if I didn't do that by then, it would be too late. If the parental foundation is sturdy then it will be a little easier if and when the youngsters come crashing back down.