I need some help... Weight on my shoulders, sense of losing my spirituality...

I've been thinking about this a lot lately because my spirituality, my soul, my spiritual being is my life, it's what makes me who I am. I feel lost... very, very lost

Lately I've been feeling not myself. By that I mean I'm not staying true to my spirituality, it's almost as if my 'spiritual phase' is passing. It's not, don't get me wrong, but I for some reason am staying away from meditating lately.

Ever since this stuff happened with me finding out about someone I know being murdered by the feds (link in my signature) and I meditated and actually had Darius (the man killed) come to me while meditating, which I've never had happen before with anyone ever, I've seemed to be pushed away from even wanting to meditate... I'm not scared, but I almost feel like if I meditate deeply I will find out some very extreme information and I don't know if I'm ready for it.

Has anyone else found themselves in this predicament before? Or anything like it what so ever? What did you do? Or, in the case you haven't been in any situation like myself, what would you do? Would you just go through with it and try and push through and figure out what the weight on your shoulders is, or would you wait until it seemed time to do so? Who even knows if that time will ever come, maybe I'm supposed to follow through with this.

I mean I actually had this person I know, Darius, who was murdered, come to me show me his death in detail (it was horrible), and I could sense his frustration and despair, it was just horrible. He very much wanted me to help clear his name not for the sake of himself, but for his family. I have done all I can to help him in the physical world at this time... is it time to delve into the spiritual realm and see what I can do?

Please help me ATS, I really don't like feeling like this. I miss my spirituality... It's almost as it's drifting away, and I worked hard to get where I was/am and I am a good, kind hearted person who wants nothing more than to help others.

Peace, Love & Light.

I understand what you mean for sure! Whenever I want to have just a casual meditation with just myself, I definitely feel some urge for not doing it. It's weird. Yeah, I know what you mean, I feel like if I go into that state, that for some reason it will be too much to handle, and that I will be overcome with too much evil and negativity. It's really frustrating.

My advice to you: if you are going to meditate, do a dual meditation. I recently wrote a thread about this. Physically having someone else there with you meditating right there beside you, fills you with massive amounts of positive energy. I suggest giving it a try. It is really good.

I know how you feel HO,

I didn't mean to call you a HO, ... I meant Highly Original.

we all go through these stages, we cannot experience the same state of being too long, we need our ups and downs for reference points.

You need the sour to taste the sweet.

.... and I'm saying this coming out of one of the darkest weeks I can remember, I couldn't even see past my depression, its like the world was just colored in different shades of Crap, everywhere I looked.

but now that I'm out of it, I realize the only difference between me then and now is simply perspective.

... so even if there's nothing you can do to shake it off, .... just relax, lay low, and know it will pass.

It is something that cannot be lost.

You are merely going as we cal "to the dark side" but have no fear, when you come back, you will be much stronger.

The rubber band effect, the farther you go into the dark, the faster you progress in the light.

Originally posted by IntastellaBurst


we all go through these stages, we cannot experience the same state of being too long, we need our ups and downs for reference points.

... so even if there's nothing you can do to shake it off, .... just relax, lay low, and know it will pass.

nicely said IntastellaBurst.

It's true. We cannot be high up all the time. What goes up must come down as they say. My favorite part is how the ups and downs are reference points. SO true. Yep. Highly Original, remember that everything always works out, even if at the moment you are feeling down. The symbol Yin and Yang continues to amaze me with its simple but oh so true meaning.

I definitely feel you. I have been immersing myself in spirituality for the last year or so, and I have been dealing with a dark period as of late. I figured out, to a certain extent at least, a sort of formula that leads to spiritual blindness, and its inverse, a formula that opens oneself up to spirituality. Over the last week or so, I have been flooded with haunting memories of my childhood, and I know that in my case it is because I placed focus on the wrong things. Moreover, amazing syncs and truly bizarre encounters have occurred, as have attacks. I was down, but I must not let myself sink into the mire. You will be alright, as will I. My advice to myself, as well as you, would be to remember what has worked for you, and to continue that path. Don't let the negativity envelop you. See it as some sort of context that will provide a springboard for growth. Peace

I've been going through the same type of thing, and life circumstances need me to have my faith at the moment...but I'm just not feeling it now matter how hard I try or don't try...and when I remember there is no try, only do, and act on it, things just don't flow smoothly. I am also finding myself talking myself out of and putting off meditation and such.

Thank you ALL so much for your responses to the OP, as they have helped me gain insight. And thank you HO for posting! I couldn't even find the words to express what I've been going through.

Spirituality is a journey, in my opinion.

Sometimes that journey is difficult, scary, or wonderful.

Never does it stay the same.

You are not losing your spirituality. You are transforming. And that can be painful.

I agree with the poster who suggested dual meditation. Surround yourself with positive people during your meditation, it will definitely help.

Best of luck to you....

reply to post by highlyoriginal


I am pretty deep into meditation and spirituality, and I can tell you there is nothing to fear but fear. I have been at this for years, so all of my fears went by the wayside long ago. It is time for all of us to do this, I mean, when the SHTF, do we want to be all scared? Watch a few horror films in the dark, continue deep mediation. Sure, you will see things, and come to know things that will make you sad, and confused, but that is how it goes. If we are to discover truth, and ascend from this third world dimension we have to do this. The Ether is full of "things," that we humans, through our thoughts and beliefs, have created. I ignore them for the most part, most are very low in power, and completely negative. If you walk with love emitting from yourself, these minions melt away as you pass by.

You mention a close friend was murdered? This happened to me too. Two of my best friends, one a school buddy, murdered another friend of mine, and another friend's pregnant wife. It caused me a mental breakdown. These things happen, it is not your fault, and there is not one thing you can do on the spiritual plane to help your friend. You must, if you must, do that on this plane. Investigate, and use what he told you, and showed you. Let his death stand for something. Do not despair, we are all going though the changes, the world is changing so fast it is hard to keep up anymore.

In the meantime, may peace and understanding be with you. Love and Light, Autowrench

Transition is always preceeded by discomfort. Without discomfort, no transition would be sought - either consciously or unconsciously. Always welcome restlessness, discomfort and emotion/spiritual distress. These are growing pains, and signal impending advancement.

Thank you all for the responses.

I want to make it clear that I'm not scared nor fearful. It's something else... somewhat of an overwhelming feeling. I have a lot of things going on in the physical world right now that are overbearing and seem to be casting this shadow over my spirituality. And I simply don't like it.

My lack of commitment towards my spiritual growth is really the issue here I guess. That truly bothers me, but the thing is I want to continue with my spiritual growth, I just feel stunted in a way.

And the duel meditation tech, well I would love to do something like that but right now I have a lack of good friends, and I don't have really any family. I'm putting up with a lot of crap in life right now that is just very hard to deal with alone, not to mention that I have bipolar and that has gotten so much better ever since I got on a new med and my meditation helped calm my anxiety down and my OCD, but now without the meditation I feel like I'm not getting my dose of 'spiritual medicine' if you get what I mean.

I am allowing material issues to bring me down, and that is something I need to personally get over, but I can't until my fines are paid off and I am unable to find a job, unable to work because of insomnia anyway (trying to get on SSI as we speak), I have no license to try and go farther to find a job, everyone I trusted has screwed me over and I have a lack of trust in humanity as a whole right now, for example my ex-girlfriend and I just broke up the day after Valentine's Day. I treated her with love and kindness and I ended up getting it shoved right back in my face.

It seems all the values and morals I live by in which I consume myself with never end up working, but I believe in them and so it makes no sense to me. If I believe in love & light and create my life around those things then why does my life still seem to get worse and/or not get any better? I am trying my hardest, but my motivation to do anything is lacking and because of that my quality of life is down to a very low place.