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Conspiracy Theorists Say the Darndest Things (humorous)

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posted on Aug, 7 2009 @ 12:05 AM
I just thought I would lighten up ATS a little, so we can briefly get away from all the doom and gloom. Just found a website that is full of unedtited posts by conspiracy theorists on a range of different websites (some even from ATS, although I wont say which ones to protect users identities). Here are some of the crackers among the lot.

I must tell you that the greys and the reptilians (reptiloids) have a totaly different anatomi. The greys allso have special psycik abilityes that the reptilians dont have. I have stydied aliens for some time now and can give you my profesional apinion: the greys and the reptilians are not the same. and mostly the greys are only reported to cover there feet and not there entyre body! The greys allso have a highly advansed teknology and I allso know that they are very sofisticated in genetic science, so why would they use suits when they can just simply change their genetic structure

Why don't the gods come from inside of trees or flowers.
Just as another poster said "We used to think the world being round was ridiculous" But hey look now we have found out it is round, maybe in 200 years time this theorey might be accepted, but untill then people who beleive this theorey would just have to wait and either get proved wrong or possibly proved right. But there is no need to continously argue about it, lets just accept it as a possbility. We could say a distant planet is made of cheese, untill all the planets in the universe have been discovered there might well be a cheese planet..

Hurricane Katrina!
Could it be?
Catholics Muslims Atheists

Many pagan religions use the moon as the basis for their whole civilizations calender.
Interesting, isn't it, that those who oppose Christ seem to have some sort of deep love for this strange body following us around the earth?
I'm sure its just a coincidence. Right?

muslims started it by trying to take over the world by force just as theyre trying to do now."

No, the Feemasons did. Thier claim was they wanted the Holy Grail and other religious artifacts. The Islamic religion was founded by the Freemasons as well. They helped Mohammed get it done by encouraging him to conduct slaughter of thiose who opposed him.

What is to discuss? NAZIs won WW2 in our universe anyway. why do you think that The US absorbed NAZIs into NASA and its Spy Agencies. Even the UFOs were NAZI tech (the cresent shaped UFOs that flew over Washington were all Flying Wings). NAZI PsyOPs shaped US policy for the next sixty years.

I love the above one

JFK UFO Reptilian Coconut is a real item. You can google for "JFK Coconut". This is part of a coconut shell which JFK allegedly wrote an S.O.S. message when stranded during World War 2.
Part of the shell has been turned into a paperweight for JFK's desk, but the paperweight has been fashioned into a Reptilian Eye.

And that one

Yes, I have decided I will assasinate Barack Obama. It's really nothing personal about the man. He speaks well, has a loving although controlling wife and two cute daughters. But I know it's for the country's own good that I do this. And I'm not racist either, my family is a little, but isn't all Italian and european families? I mean how many times have you heard the word ***** in the comforts of your home? I have a lot, and it really bothered me and I would confront them about it. No, it's not because I'm racist that I will kill Barack, it's because I can no longer allow the Jewish parasites to bully their way into making the American people submit to their evil ways. How many of you Obama supporters are now disappointed after some of his arm-twisted Jewish appointee decisions??? Make's you think he's not really in charge(which he isn't). No it's the same old, same old filthy *********** ****** who are poisoning America, who have murdered thousands of innocent lives on 9-11-01, and are thinking that they are going to get away with it again.

The above was edited for obscenity

The alien wars are expanding and the aliens are becoming bolder in their approaches. Many of the battles are fought in the air under the guise of severe thunder and lightning storms, which are becoming more commonplace. People around the globe have reported hearing loud explosions that sound like booms that are muffled by surrounding thunder. Many people now suspect that these are unnatural storms despite the cover stories the ruling elite are feeding the media and meteorologists.

Try this. Stack four eggs one on top of the other. Glue them together and make a tower out of them. Ensure the structure is stable and will not topple. Now break the top egg. Hit it with your spoon and similate an aircraft hitting it. Will the three eggs below the top egg break all the way to the floor?
No because the mass of the top egg will be difused and free to deflect around the shells of the lower eggs.
Exactly like the towers.

When sand is in an atmosphere it contains air that is compressed as the a/not's feet exert force upon it as he jumps up.
As the feet move away from the surface an area of low-pressure is created under the feet, and surrounding air rushes in to fill it, including the compressed air within the sand. This rush of compressed air upwards takes with it numerous sand grains and so we see a sand cloud rise directly beneath the a/not's feet. Young is jumping in an atmosphere and so is not on the Moon!

For over four years the military, CIA, FBI, etc have been putting me, and my kids thru stalking us, terrorizing us, and hiring every nasty creep on this planet to go after us. In doing so they have revealed secrets the public has no idea that exist. When I got on a Reno, Nevada library computer and got on the national UFO reporting form. I tried the paranormal section, and asked for help to calm down advanced abilities I thought were getting out of control. When I waited to see if I could get an answer for a little help. We had black-ops, the CIA, the FBI, the military, and men in black, UFO, aliens, every nasty creep you could think of that was dealing in dope trafficking after us. They stalked us thru two states. We have had many varieties of aliens. We have not been left alone yet. There is still quite a bit going on, more unbelievable stuff. These agencies really believe I am an alien hybrid. I had a son that has all the characteristics of a star child also with advanced abilities. We now know how the military does things that the public can never figure out. I have documents, emails from the pentagon, a journal. If you want the whole story email me.

the Illuminati calls us sheep and they laugh at us knowing that we will not fight. So these evil people who are in office and are breaking our constitution peace by peace and our bill of rights, should at least all the Christians take up a fight not with arms, but go to Washington by the thousands and protest our right to freedom; not doing so will be a sin and we will get what we deserve an evil empire rule by a dictator who will be cruel and ruthless.

Pedophiles are organized on the internet, and they have adopted vernacular to use in public. In particular, the abductors of children will first communicate with each other on the internet, to plan their criminal exploitative activities. They refer to abductors as 'pedobears'. When abducting a child, other pedophiles will often attempt to create a diversion, while the 'pedobear' attempts to abduct a targeted child. Please, if you are in public, and you hear somebody referred to as a 'pedobear', keep your child very close. As it is, statistics indicate that only 1 in 15 abductions ends with success, so minimize their chances of taking your child even further by keeping them with you.

Followed by.....

My fiance's friend has been visiting us occasionally for years now. I never suspected anything, but last month he brought a brown teddy bear as a gift for my daughter. With recent revelations, I am not very startled. Can this be a hint that he is connected to this 'pedobear' group? I am unsure what to do next, how can I make sure my daughter is safe?

188. also if you idiots remember the convenient \"passport\" which after crashing into the towers, burning a steel building down, and decimating plastic, metal, wood, and human bone, landed safely unmarred in the streets where the government so quickly found it. America, America, god shed its tears for thee.... morons. google is a shiny new invention, you type something in a box, like 9/11, and beautiful blue sentences with all sorts of niffty stuff you can read about po up. i\'ll say it again. morons. 9/11 was an inside job.


There plenty more at the below link. The ones above are some of my favorites....what are yours?


[edit on 7/8/2009 by OzWeatherman]

posted on Aug, 7 2009 @ 12:51 AM
Wow the guy talking about him taking out Obama is pretty strange.

He is either trying to make others come out of the woodwork or he is in a building getting very nasty things done to him.

Kinda hard to believe that he didn't know they would come looking for him. I wonder who he is and if there is a missing persons report on him somewhere.

Good stuff OP, kind of made me feel sane for the first time in months

posted on Aug, 7 2009 @ 12:58 AM
Oz, was the font size increase tags part of the punch line?

Cool post!

[edit on 7-8-2009 by Scooby Doo]

posted on Aug, 7 2009 @ 01:11 AM
Things that make you go /facepalm

And people were actually giving me crap because I can't tell when someone is joking or not on this site when they say silly things. I think I'll point them to this thread as proof of why I can't tell.

posted on Aug, 7 2009 @ 01:12 AM

Originally posted by Scooby Doo
Oz, was the font size increase tags part of the punch line?

Cool post!

[edit on 7-8-2009 by Scooby Doo]

Lol, I dont know what happened there. I tried to make the font size smaller so it wouldnt take up as much space, but it seems to have only worked on a few posts. It looked alright in the yeah dont know..

posted on Aug, 7 2009 @ 01:28 AM

Originally posted by badmedia
Things that make you go /facepalm

And people were actually giving me crap because I can't tell when someone is joking or not on this site when they say silly things. I think I'll point them to this thread as proof of why I can't tell.

Lol, facepalm indeed

posted on Aug, 7 2009 @ 08:07 PM
So Im reading about pedobears, reptiallian hybrids giving birth to star childs and so on, nothing new to what i see here daily

posted on Aug, 8 2009 @ 01:22 AM
thank you so much

those are some of the greatest posts ive ever read

posted on Aug, 8 2009 @ 01:49 AM
reply to post by Well

Your most welcome, lol

I have to admit, that none of those posts were actually from ATS itself, although there are a few on the website.

But gald to share the laughter with you

posted on Feb, 26 2015 @ 06:47 AM
The lunatics can be funny but most subscribers to Conspiracy Theorists Say the Darndest Things don't want anything to do with science. Most want to act like all conspiracies don't exist and anything that is real cannot be a "conspiracy".

Willing to kick, ban and report anyone that wants to be reasonable.
edit on 26-2-2015 by darealest because: (no reason given)

(post by Reds2Cents removed for a serious terms and conditions violation)

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