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Just venting, and advice needed

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posted on May, 10 2004 @ 03:38 AM
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OK firstly you guys need to hear the story...

A little while back i hooked up (everything but #) with a female friend of mine (lets call her Mel) at a party. At the time i had a girlfriend (we'd decided to stop being exclusive as we were itching the single life but didnt want to end it), and Mel had a boyfriend (who is also my good friend... lets call him Ken). Now obviously neither of us wanted anyone to find out about this (especially not Ken) so we decided to keep it quiet. For the record me and my g/f have since broken up, she's irrelevant to all this.

I felt bad so i confided in two of my closest friends coz i needed to talk about it. I purposely didnt tell another of my friends (lets call him Pete) about it coz he and Mel have history and he has a big mouth. So one the friends i did tell (lets call him Sam), tells pete about the whole thing, pete sms's mel and asks her about it. Mel then calls me and goes off her dial coz i wasnt supposed to tell ANYONE. I tell her i didnt tell pete (which i didnt) and say he must be making it up. I get three SMS's from three different people who tell me that Sam just told Pete that me and Mel got together. I tell them all he was joking (except for the other friend who knew). I send Sam an SMS telling him to tell Pete he was joking... Sam forwards that message to Mel who now knows that i told him. Mel gets the #s with me and our friendship is pretty much over. Mel and Ken break up because she is scared he'll find out. Ken is coming to me for support in the break-up.

Now i'm angry at Sam for betraying my trust when i told him under no circumstances could pete find out, that and the fact he then forwarded a message to Mel that made a small problem huge.

I'm angry at Pete for stirring causing trouble with Mel, which is why i didnt want him to know coz the first thing he'll try to do is use it against Mel (which he did).

I've lost a good friend in Mel.

And i have another friend, Ken, looking at me to help him with the break-up when i know its indirectly my fault...

Now i know i shouldn'thave told anyone like i said, but if you cant trust one of your best friends to keep a secret, If you cant trust your friends to respect your private life (Pete knew that if he went to Mel she'd blame me), if you cant even trust your friends to admit they were wrong (both Sam and Pete still deny they did anything when i have witnesses and have had the messages they sent forwarded to me), who can you trust.

Now Sam and Pete for the record have a history of showing a complete lack of respect for people and they're property, to them life is a big long joke and they just dont care about the consequences to other people.

Now i've already lost a friend over this (hopefully i can patch that up) but what my question is... Can i trust or respect Sam and Pete ever again?, not only have they just caused me 3 whole days of anguish (still counting), they've broken up a relationship, and could possibly cause me another friendship coz i cant help Ken out coz i know i played a huge role in the ending of the relationship...

I have been #ed up by two of my closest friends? should i forgive? should i forget?




posted on May, 10 2004 @ 03:59 AM
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no you should learn something from this. three people can keep a secret if two are dead.

next time you keep YOUR mouth shut. that way you dont have to rely on them to keep quiet.

in a way its your fault. i dont want to say it but i dont know any other way to say it.



posted on May, 10 2004 @ 06:33 AM
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I felt like I was reading a script from Melrose Place.

But good luck.




posted on May, 10 2004 @ 07:09 PM
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I realised that is is my fault for being too trusting, one of my friends 'Sam' rang me last night and admitted he shouldn't have sent any SMS's to Mel. But Pete is still denying he did anything wrong.

As for Mel i accepted responsibilty from her for the whole thing but i advised her to tell Ken coz its better if he hears it from her not someone else.

And yeah it does kinda sound like a Melrose type thing doesnt it... pity i'm not getting payed to act it out



posted on May, 10 2004 @ 08:31 PM
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Sounds to me like you and Mel were both looking for a way out of your relationships, went about it the wrong way. But banging a friends girlfriend, not good, man. You'll have to look in the mirror to find out where to put the blame on that one. As for your loudmouth friends, if they can't keep a confidence, not very good friends, screw them. You're going to have to do something about Ken though. Talk to Mel to discuss how you both want to handle it, because it has to be dealt with. Good luck, man.



posted on May, 11 2004 @ 01:49 AM
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I suggested that Mel tell Ken herself, but she's adamant she doesnt want to, i would but i feel its something for her to decide... I felt bad about it from the word go (even though me and my ex had an open thing happening), and quite frankly i feel this current escalation of the situation is bound to be some sort of karmic revenge that the powers that be decided i deserve (which i do).

I guess i just gotta be more careful about who i hook up with in the future... a little less Southern Comfort consumption could help that.



posted on Jun, 11 2004 @ 08:27 PM
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Now i'm angry at Sam for betraying my trust when i told him under no circumstances could pete find out, that and the fact he then forwarded a message to Mel that made a small problem huge.

You too betrayed trust, how is that different???

I'm angry at Pete for stirring causing trouble with Mel, which is why i didnt want him to know coz the first thing he'll try to do is use it against Mel (which he did).

Weren't you the one who started the trouble?

I've lost a good friend in Mel.

She'll likely forgive you, find out how many of her girlfriends she told...women are far better at keeping secrets though....remember that.

And i have another friend, Ken, looking at me to help him with the break-up when i know its indirectly my fault...

Steer clear from that



posted on Jun, 14 2004 @ 11:01 PM
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GAZROK

Its all sorted, but in regards to 'I betrayed her trust' thats right i did and i have conceded that, but i betrayed it in confidence and for advise, my friends betrayed in for a bit of fun.... huge difference there.

But its all ok, Ken doesnt know and Mel is cool with me again.

Phew



posted on Jun, 17 2004 @ 06:39 PM
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Don't mind me, I wasn't in a good mood then....



posted on Sep, 16 2004 @ 10:21 PM
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If you knew what Sam was like than why did you tell him anything?I can understand your need to talk, but not to a big mouth.
Good luck and I hope you learned something from all of this.:bnghd:





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