posted on Sep, 20 2009 @ 09:33 AM
reply to post by alyosha1981
I am not saying it is the only one. But it is usually a big red flag. A big ingrediant. Most likely if your walking around feeling resentful, your
partner is too. I was just giving a heads up. The causes of infidelity are many. Like I said, it could simply be just out of grief and hurt, and has
nothing to do with the marriage. And that is very hard for the betrayed spouse to understand.
And did a very good job of describing the double lives and lies,and you eventually can't seperate out the two.
Not only do the lines between truth and lies become fuzzy and you can't believe anything that person says, it puts the very relationship into
question, and makes the whole relationship before that seem unreal and fake. So not only does the infidelity ruin the the relationship at the point,
but basically puts into question the whole relationship. Because of what you described, you don't know what is real or fake anymore.
The best way to recover is to create new memories. And start over. And build that communication and set the boundaries. If the cheater is truely
wanting to rebuild the relationship, they will do whatever it takes. No matter what. If they refuse, then they are refusing responsiblity, and in all
likely will cheat again.
Once a cheater always a cheater is not necessarily true. Many are one time deals. The pain and embarrassement and humiliation that the betrayer feels
is enough to keep it from happening again. As long as you both work on rebuilding the relationship. And it is work for both.
If the cheater doesn't show these aspects, probably time to get out.
and occassionaly they do leave for the OP. The chances of that relationship lasting is only 7%. I have only seen one that ever worked out. As the
saying goes, when a man leaves his wife for his mistress, he leaves a vacancy in her position.