posted on May, 16 2009 @ 10:26 PM
Economy Slow Down
Letter from senior managment to all employees... due to economic slow down...
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the economy, managemant has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years
of age and above an early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People early).
Persons selected to be Raped can apply to management to be eligible for SHAFT (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED
and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as
many times as Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personal Early
Severence). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying will recieve as much # (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Managemant has always prided itself
on the amount of # it gives employess. Should you feel that you do not recieve enough #, please bring it to the attention of your Supervisor. They
have been trained to give you all the # you can handel