My first post in the writers forum. (and it kinda makes me anxious, lol)
I've been writing poetry since 2003, most people describe it as 'dark', but then again I only write when I reach a certain emotional depth, for me
writing is a way of dealing with the downside of life. Just so you know where I'm coming from
These first two are from my "childhood darkness" serie...
Memory of a Madman
When he looked at me he saw one of four he loved.
Convinced that he had never hurt us,
telling himself that we had all we needed,
all we ever wanted.
Thinking he was there for us all,
doing all the right things a father should.
Never once questioning
the hell he brought home every day.
Not knowing that the harsh words he spoke
would stay with us for years to come,
The things he did, burned
in a nightmare-memory of childhood.
He used to call me his 'little sweetheart',
with a death-mans voice and meaningless words,
while the licker smell filled the room,
with an unbearable tense.
But I, glad that he was home...
I knew, that when my mothers eyes
started to gloom and fear had overcome her,
It was passed my bedtime and she tucked us in
quickly,with trembling hands.
Telling us not to worry,
leaving us with only the sounds of a madman
taking away the vision of what hell was about to release.
And then the nights, always the same.
A clicking of the backdoor,
when she locked out the dogs
so they couldn't get hurt again,
The kitchen noises
when she made him midnight dinner
knowing in front he wouldn't like it,
the breaking of the plates and glasses
when they finally hit the ceiling...
when he told her she was worthless,
his swearing when he hit a wall.
The dogs barking in the backyard,
and every now and then
the cops ringing our doorbell.
But the most deafening noise of all:
Her unbearable silence
Daddy-dear, it should be told,
how strong she fought and won,
the scars still left upon her soul,
reminds of what you've done.
The hurt, the pain, the guilt, the blame,
you never saw the treasure...
Love, affection, care and protection,
and you could never measure.
How much she did for all of us,
how much she cried alone,
and all she ever got returned were dreams of air, far blown.
You wrecked her heart, stole hope and trust,
owned her pride and teared apart...
tortured her soul, would you not say,
she paid a priceless toll?
Yet she forgave and loved again,
saw you as her soul-mate man,
believed that you had changed in time,
denied you'd ever done the crime...
And those who'd known did nothing,
knowing she would get scarred....
let her have forever, what she so dearly guards
How strange the ways of loneliness,
how much she wants you to posses,
her love her care, her dreams...
Puts up a show, goes with your flow,
with you into extremes.
Were does it stop dear Daddy-dear, when will you pull the line?
What does it take to make you see your running out of time!
Do you want her to give up? Would that satisfy your mind?
You know that's what she longs for now,
did thirst make you go blind!?
I now by now you've seen the signs
You heard the silent cries...
do you yet know were you will pull the line?
What does it take do make you see
your running out of time?