CRIME - THE PLACE TO SPEND THE BAILOUT CASH

SUBSIDISING CRIME is clearly where the bailout money should be spent if we wish to achieve the maximum stimulus effect to the economy.

1. Crime is the most labour intensive industry in the world, a cottage industry for which people work hard.

2. Crime is an industry which is most prevalent amongst the poorer sections of our communiities. Financing crime would be an effective way to alleviate poverty, particular in rundown urban areas.

3. Subsidiasing crime would produce a boost to many other associated industries like the security industry which is also labour intensive and wold help many war veterans seeking a chance of a job in civvy street.

4. By encouraging Insurance Fraud and insider dealing, we could ensure that even the victims of burgulary, subsidised by the state and the victim's insurance companies need not suffer.

5. Implimentation of this policy wold be extremely cheap to the Treasury. By offering reverse fines, money cold easily be pumped in quickly, hence, if someone is found guilty of a crime, instead of having to pay the fine, he wold instead receive a check from the state for the amount.

6. It has long been pointed out that the cost of holding someone in prison is more expensive than keeping them at the Ritz, so, "encarcerate" people in expensive hotels. This would provide a major boost for the hotels in a flagging tourist sector and again save the state money. Left over prisons could slao be sold off to be turned into more luxury hotels by tender where whoever offers the highest bribe wins.

It is clear that if we are intent on running a worldwide stimuls policy, the cheapest and most effective manner to put the cash back into the economy is by subsidising crime.

Nice thought but you know the politicians would never give up their monopoly.