posted on Apr, 9 2009 @ 01:24 PM
I been searching on the board to see if this is the right place to post if it is not please can the admin put it in the suitable place.
I would like to give someone a positive inspiration if i could to show that if you believe in yourself you can get peace and tranquillity no matter
how much hardship you are in, i would like to give you my personal experiences which has led me to a better place and a better person.
I shall make it as brief as i can but to hopefully give you a good idea of the possibilities you can have in your own life, i would like to give a
warning though, there is graphic violence information on this topic that alot of you will not agree to, however i hope you understand this was the old
me and not the new me now.
When i was born, i had complications as a child, i had 3 weeks to live, my mother was taken away from me because she was a risk to my health, my
father had to fight the local authority to gain custody of me, meanwhile that was happening i was in foster care, at the age of 4 i went back to my
dad on conditions he had a social services supervisor present and he took me to a child minder. I had a troubles school background, firstly in nursery
were i would not interact with other pupils, i was taking speech therapy as a youngster and was looked after several child minders, Eventually as i
went to primary school i was in and out of the school as i felt neglected and not apart of the system and i was bullied were i reacted with
In my secondary school, i lasted just a few months by trying to blow up a school by putting the gas taps on in science and putting paper on fire at
the top of the bus as well as fighting and been verbally aggressive to teachers, i then ended up in a special school at the age of 13 and again surly
enough i was fighting my way through to be accepted no matter what i did, meanwhile my dad was working his socks of and i dint see him very much, in
the special school were i had a special needs statement i unfortunately witnessed two murders, one of which was on the international news please
search Janet Swanson murder 1994or 1995 in Leeds England.
I left the special school and had home school teaching by a private tutor which my father paid for, then i went in to another special school a year
after of which then i moved home, i dint last long in the school, i then got involved with horrid teenagers who bullied me in my home estate, kicking
balls at the window, smashing my dads car, beating me up, chasing me down the road, i became very depressive were at one time i became very mentally
disturb with such horrid things as hanging kitten on the light lamps above me and been caressed by a paedophile who bought my dads volkwagan etc.
Eventually one night some children who bullied me attacked my dad by hitting him on the back of the head with an iron bar were he was bleeding on the
floor, I also started to be aware of the world and about my own self when i was seeking for some kind of intervention and the faith i turned to was
god. We then moved to another town, i started college and i was still bullied but i did rebel a bit but i was not as strong willed as i use to be as a
I kept to myself for a while in this new town, until i wanted to be noticed again and became a rapper which is not what i wanted to do or had a
passion for but i tried none the less and this made me get noticed by having several articles in the local newspaper, however it targeted yet more
bullies yet again and i was a target, i moved a few times away from my dads home in this new town to hostels were i got involved in gangs, one time I
robbed a 14 year old boy with a loaded gun, i knew it was wrong at the time but i had no option anyway and i made sure he was not scared, i then got
involved with other rappers who were a bad influence on me then i got involved with drugs and kept smoking cannabis, taking coc aine, i travelled
all around the country to meet different girls i talked to over the net, i got in a bit of trouble with some girls family who threatened to burn my
house down with my dad in it, i was scared and at the time could not stand up for myself because i had no confidence and i let people take money from
me, i was gullible.
One girl i turned violent against and i began to torture her severally, including burning her, battering her, tieing her to a curtain poll, putting a
knife to a neck and stabbed her in the arm and leg and i also targeted another boy who i let in my home and i did the same, one urinating in his tea
and starving him then battering him, i then started to buy samurai swords and started to become a threat to everyone were i lived, i became known as
the local nutter, the people in that area stabbed me, took the mick out of me and my father, one lad who bullied me for 10 years within this new town
i came to i stood up against finally and he stopped from there, i broke up with the girl and went further down the rail, until 2 years after i met
this one girl.
I met a new girl who i might add i have never abused and never will has helped me understand alot about myself and the world and how to act in it, she
guides me in the right direction and has taken me far away from all the negativity i use to be around, i use to ignore my father and say i hated him,
i wanted to kill him and even put a knife to him once. This girl, who i virtually now worship has helped me love him again as i did as a child, me
and my father get on very well and he says he loves me every night like i do him the same.
I do not go looking for trouble any more, i don't want any more trouble, i have had help from therapist and specialised physicist who have taught me
how to cope in the world, helped me how to assert things before doing them and learning how to speak to others without hurting them.
My dad has retired from work, i am due to marry in September the 5th, I have changed in myself, I have a loving family around me which is what i
always wished for since i was four years old, i have become more mature, i am not scared of anyone and i am not gullible any more, i am friendly, open
minded and not scared of showing love, this girl, i might add i dreamt of for over 14 years in my dreams which came true, she has come from a bad
background as well, we understand each other and now that i have gained this tremendous love that i have never experienced before in my life, i am
going out more often enjoying myself, travelling, going to activities, bingo,ten pin bowling, sking, going on holiday's aboard and i live in a nice
home within a comfortable friendly environment away from those who think they could influence me.
I would like to say to those who do not believe in a good ending, it dose happens, i have been homeless, rejected, nearly killed, slept with fleas
crawling all over me, rats in the fall boards, horrible and unhealthy home which was a disaster, had a contract on me, been bullied, been the bully,
travelled to areas which were quite dangerous and been with many different individuals and met many different type of people,
i can assure you, there is peace at the end line because if you are truly loving and peaceful being who just wants to be accepted, loved and nutured
and regardless if you have done evil deeds which is not you, you will pay them back, but do not fear this because this is short and quick, if you are
genenually loving in your heart towards yourself and others in the begining and it is said in your heart to be so, then it will happen in the future,
whatever age you end up been.
[edit on 9-4-2009 by deathpoet69] added information
Mod-Note: ALL-CAPS Title changed.
[edit on 9-4-2009 by Skyfloating]