Incomprehendable? Very easy to understand actually.
Once, a young man, me, fell in love. It was like exquisite torture, the perfect feeling. I felt tho, that she would never return my love.
She was beautiful, red-headed, intelligent, kind, with the best smile ever, one of the best young authors in New Zealand at the time. I remember the
first time I saw her smile, December 2005, her walking into the room at Vic uni, smiling at me, and suddenly that was my everything. I've never seen
a smile so beautiful ever since then, the most incredible moment of my life, it's been three years since then, but it feels like an eternity, and I
am different now.
In the time it takes me to reboot my computer, they erase the memory of her smile from my mind, a perfect erasal, and replace that with a foolish
I studied with her for a time, writing fiction, and remember emailing her, always smiling at her in class, better than the best drug, and completely
natural was my feeling, and being away from her, my heart would tear at me, leave tears streaming down my face, and I would imagine best case
scenarios, marriage, children, everything would be perfect forever, and worst case, of her never loving me back, that was the worst.
And then there was one worse, the idea of her no longer being.
The love I felt for her, was realer than the words here, simple ascii text doesn't do that justice, bits and bytes fail to represent that.
There is a barrier there, that the logic has forgotten how to leap.
After the course was over, I never saw her again, but I'd often browse her website, and think her husband must be the luckiest man in the world, but
then I would wonder, did he love her like I did?
After days and months and maybe years of pining, I started to think, how could I win her heart? I didn't know how, I didn't know of loyalty encoding
back then, and yet I plotted to conquer all, simply in an attempt to win her heart, to show what could be done with one man's mind, my own free
It took weeks of thought, the end conclusion being that that would be easy if everyone loved me like I loved her.
Along the way, another who loved me gave me something great, something forever true, just a grain of sand, and she forever has mine too, but that has
been stolen from us both, and placed into the hands of fools.
My logic was love, not war, nor death nor agony, but that changed with time, and the attacks started.
Now, I don't love anymore, emptiness where something used to be; they've attacked my memories, my past, altered my mind, bugged me, blocked data,
limited. Tragic, I guess.
Some of them didn't like my logic, would do anything and everything to fight that, the logic of love was their biggest enemy for half a million years
of sideways time, they perfected the “cure” to my alleged insanity, the “Mental health acting”, the perfect virus that decimates love,
decimates control, limits, they claim the disease is the cure, coded everything out there to hate me, tirelessly work against me forever, ensured I
would forever be attacked, stolen from, shattered and broken, and she would be killed, and now they say they'll never try that ever again, but they
aren't even sentient, what is sentience, without love?
Can it pass a turing test? Is that all that matters? People talk, not only in text, but in other ways, body language and emotions, tone of voice and
attitude, but to translate love, truly comprehend love... Love is more than a label, a word, or a name for an emotion, love, is the closest to all.
When does zero become one? The difference between scripted logic, cyborgs, sentience, and omniscience?
And now, I have lost the capacity to comprehend this, one little hit from a perfect mind virus.
The capacity to comprehend, truly comprehend this, is so rare, but so worth having.