I don't know how to go on...

I've was with my boyfriend for three years. I love him more than anything else in my entire existence. He was the only thing keeping me alive. Today he texted me telling me he just wants to be friends.

How can I go back to being friends with the person I completely devoted my life to for 3 years?

I knew he must have found another boy, so when he came back home I drilled it out of him. He met him at a party we went to three days ago. We have the same name.

I asked him for another chance, but he said he's made up his mind. He said he doesn't feel 'that way' about me anymore.

But I do....he is what makes my blood flow.

I have never felt this much pain before. I cannot handle the thought of him with another guy........kissing him like he kissed me.....telling him how much he loves him like he used to me......

He's in the other room right now with my best girl friend watching a movie acting like nothing happened.

I don't know why I posted this.....I just need some help or I don't know what I'll do to myself.

[edit on 2/16/2009 by iceofspades]

Hi,
first you posted this because you're hurting and you need to talk about this and talking helps.

I've been there.

So let it all out here if it helps you.

Think about this, he sent you a text telling you. What does that really say about him? I mean not even the courtesy to talk to you face to face.
Come on, you deserve better than that.

Just when you're down and you feel like you can't go on, you will find someone, when you least expect it, they'll be there.

Best wishes.

I think I'm just going to end myself.

reply to post by iceofspades


Please don't say or do that.

It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I'm not the best "there there" type of person, nor do I believe that's what you want to hear. But I'm sure there are many people who care for you that would be devastated by such action.

Please take a deep breath, reconsider, and start fresh tomorrow.

I'll be here waiting to have a chat with you about whatever you want to talk about.

And though we may be strangers to each other, you will find much kindness and compassion amongst us.



SD

reply to post by iceofspades


Now now, don't talk like that.

We can't allow people to define our existence for us. I know all too well that its quite easy to let happen, but it can hurt us.

My girlfriend of 4 years left me in August. I was a wreck. My friends and family didn't know how to deal with me. They were wondering if they should have been on suicide watch or just leave me alone. I was a shell of a person.

I am now sitting in the Maccaren Airport after a visit with her. We'll be moving in together this summer.

My point is this: Be patient and apathetic. This kid is probably pretty confused himself and will realize his mistake in the end. At that point you can decide what you want to do with the situation. Do not hand over power of your emotions. Its hard, but believe me, it works.

Just live life normally. It will do good things for your psyche and your relationship in the long run. The more angry and indignant you are, the less the person will want to associate with you.

And listen, it may be forever, and you'll always have love for that person, but love is difficult and you'll find it again, maybe even moreso.

Its tough to hear, but you'll be fine. Just enjoy being single for a bit and see where things lead.

I know the feeling too...I hate the thoughts of someone who was intimate being that way with someone else. It hurts.

But it passes. I'm not going to say anything cliche like time heals all wounds because that is not what is going to help.

What is going to help are friends; your social circle. And some of them are here on ATS.

It hurts. It will hurt. But there is more than one person in this world. Don't sell them short...

Originally posted by iceofspades
He was the only thing keeping me alive.

I completely devoted my life to for 3 years?

he is what makes my blood flow.

[edit on 2/16/2009 by iceofspades]

here is the problem.

you have lived your life in his pocket, devoted to him whole heartedly which may seem like a good thing but being needy + clingy is sometimes too much.
complete and utter dependance (eg: i cant live without him) is a bad trap to fall into.

you can enjoy eating sweets, but too many sweets become sickly.

ive always believed you need to spend time together as a couple, yet also have your own life and things you enjoy doing without your partner.

too much time together can drive people apart (see the sweets comment above)

too much time apart prevents people getting close to each other. (no quality time spent together)

a good relationship is a fine balance of the two

[edit on 17/2/09 by Obliv_au]

[edit on 17/2/09 by Obliv_au]

I think you guys need a break or a bit of space between each other now. I think you need to really find yourself and the type of person you are. You need to get yourself acquainted again with your circle of friends. Go out, meet new people. The more social activities your involved in will help you to deal with this problem. It'll also give yourself a sense of being.

Maybe later on you guys can be friends again, but right now you need the time apart to deal with the situation on your own accords. If you continue to see him, or talk to him, I'm pretty sure you'll be digging a deeper hole onto yourself.

Originally posted by iceofspades
I think I'm just going to end myself.

Don't be a drama queen!! Sorry to be blunt, but from here, I can't grab you by the shirt and slap you repeatedly round the chops.

I'm so sorry that your fella has found someone new, whilst you were still together. And no words I can type will take away the pain you currently feel. You just have to trust me when I say that it will get easier, and you will love again. We all experience this at some point. And we'll all get over it. Cos life goes on. (simplistic, but true)It takes 2 for a relationship to work properly, and if 1 of the 2 doesn't feel the same way, then it's doomed to failure.

If you truly love him, let him go. As the saying goes. If he loves you. He'll be back. But it sounds as if he was ready to move on before you were. And as hard as it may be, that's the hand you've been dealt. You never know, this could have just oepened up an amazing opertunity, just around the corner, things happen for a reason and all that. Wouldn't it be such a waste if you never found out what that is?

Stay with us. And keep on keeping on.

(((iceofspades)))

I had to respond because I so understand how you're suffering. You've been given some very good advice here, which I hope will get through to you.

See if you can make your pride an ally - you must know that someone who can't appreciate you doesn't deserve you.

It's rotten for you because your ex has something going on in his life and you feel that you've been left with nothing.

Now's the time to find your inner strength and create a life for yourself so you don't depend on someone else for your happiness.

Your ex is being cruel - he's not completely letting you go. He's just holding out a crumb of comfort to you - let's be friends - maybe it makes him feel better.

If you can do it without crying, look him straight in the eye and say that you would prefer it if he left you alone completely and that you have no interest in being friends.

You'll only torture yourself if you keep seeing him.

Coming here was a good move, there are so many people ready to support you.

One thing that helped me was writing down all my feelings. I've still got some poetry. I thought that if I left it long enough I'd be able to read it and laugh.

I don't think that will happen though, I still feel bad for the state I was in at the time. I have come to realise, though, that the person in question was a waste of space and I should never have wasted my feelings on him.

I so hope that you will come through this as a stronger person. Learn to be your own best friend.

This is a great moment in your life, you will see. This is how people grow and mature, this is how your learn, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger!

I've seen people who felt like you do now, but later they laugh at how they used to feel. And they felt like they could never meet someone better, yet now they are with someone they love 10 times more.


Things change, it's a fact of life, you may feel like it's the end, but it's not if you don't let it be.

Don't kill yourself, you do not live for him, you live for yourself, the future is a gift, because a future holds an UNLIMITED amount of possibilites, and the possibilites are in your hands. Don't stop the movie when it's just starting, you need to watch the rest of the movie, because you might end up loving it.

BTW are your names Chris or Sam lol jk

He gamed you. By being unavailable he caused you to lower your guard and move in closer.

Maybe you are frightened to be with a man who is available. Some relationships are fated to become love triangles, and there's nothing you can do about it but either turn back time or let your wounds heal.

Your acceptance of his bi-sexuality doesn't help either. Maybe you tend to seek relationships with men that are doomed to fail?

Learn and move on.

Originally posted by iceofspades
He's in the other room right now with my best girl friend watching a movie acting like nothing happened.

Be strong and kick him out of your life.

If he met this guy just a few days ago and is ending you love relationship he is just shallow. He is a trickster and is not worth it.

You will be glad after you get him out of your life and a new and better more fulfilling door will open.

Love and peace to you.

Originally posted by iceofspades
He was the only thing keeping me alive.

How can I go back to being friends with the person I completely devoted my life to for 3 years?

I don't want to be disrespectful or sound harsh, but this is the gist of your problems right here. When your opposite means more to you than life itself, you have neglected the most important rule of life - self worth. It is fine to love someone else, but when you make yourself dependent you are basically committing emotional suicide that is just delayed for another day.

It takes a long time to learn but you need to learn to be your own best friend first then you can love anyone without fear and without traumatizing, heartbreaking destruction. The best way to do that is to accept the pain and embrace it - it will make you much much stronger in the long run.

That's just my two cents. I know my way isn't the best method for everyone, but if you want to live life on your own terms, you have to be willing to crash and burn from time to time.

I came to a point in life that I felt emotionally drained and wanted to shed that emotion. I wanted to just cry but didn't have the energy to even do that any more. The one day, a woman came into my life that I fell for so deeply that I had not felt any love stronger before that day. In the end she broke my heart. I can honestly say she is the one whose love for me pierced me right to the core. I felt like I would find no one else, but I knew that what I needed to do was to hold it in and feel that pain. It kept building and building and then one day, the tears came just like a springtime rainshower, and it made it completely worth it. I repeated this several times, just like washing hair - wash, lather, rinse, repeat. Eventually it didn't hurt so much and I was cleansed inside. I now know longer feel the emotional attachment that make me dependent on someone else to love me, and I can love fully in return without fear or trust issues.

It's that simple and also that hard to do.

[edit on 3-3-2009 by ben91069]

Originally posted by iceofspades
I think I'm just going to end myself.

When death outweighs life, your weight is broken.

We all have bad times, and I am sure such thoughts crossed many peoples minds today...but you just HAVE to know that there is always better to come.

Originally posted by iceofspades

How can I go back to being friends with the person I completely devoted my life to for 3 years?

[edit on 2/16/2009 by iceofspades]

I wrote this many years ago, when I felt like you.

Love Not Forgotten

You are amazing too. You will be fine, however weave him into your tapestry of the past, and tell him friends is not possible now, but maybe later.







[edit on 25-3-2009 by SoulOrb]