never fall for a girl who is just your friend

Yeah I basically decided tonight that. I'm moving on.

I meet all these other women all the time and I've been secretly and with unfair bias been judging them against her. It's not fair to these other women. and some of these women were really hot that I blew off for this other girl.

Screw it . I'm going to start dating again. Look at things from a fresh perspective. I'll find other great women and i'll play it by ear with these new girls.

And No. she doesn't get the poetry. Thats mine. good call on that one poster who gave me the advise.

Now all I need to do is get in super duper shape, have the hottest body that any guy she knows has. get really really good at being alluring, get a really kick ass wardrobe so I'll look fabulous at all times. be super witty, and intruiging, and basically be everything she wants in a man, but be really unavailable. Flaunt some really hot girl in front of her to cut her down...basically to make her super jealous and want me more than I want her. Yeah thats the ticket!

[edit on 15-12-2008 by BASSPLYR]

Originally posted by BASSPLYR
We aren't even really friends we are more like friends with a common friend and e see each other a few times a month. The hardest part is that even though shes generally bowing me off or too indifferent to text me back, when we do hang out alone about once a month there is all this weird tension and chemistry. she tells me that I'm attractive and that I look great. Even managed to drop into conversation a few weeks ago questions about what I look like down stairs. she always wants to talk about some vague sexual topic and constantly plays with her hair while talking to me. she's interested in everything that interests me or pretends to be. will sit like 8 inches from me but will dart her hand or leg or whatever away from me instantly if we by accident brush up against each other for a millisecond.

Dude, If you are telling the truth in this paragraph, these are clear signs that this girl is possibly interested in you. It's possible you haven't hit the friends zone yet, especially considering you don't hang out that often.

What's the problem then, Why haven't you made a move? You say she darts her hands away when you guys accidentally touch. Maybe she is shy. What you should do is escalate your physical contact slowly.

Examples: High five her for any reason. Teach her a "secret" handshake. Playfully slap her on the arm when she jokes with you or teases you. Bump into her when you guys are walking together. Make up pretty much any excuse to touch her.

It's all about a smooth progression of physical escalation. You start out slow, like the examples I gave above, this way she becomes comfortable with your touch, and used to you touching her.

This is how you smoothly escalate physical contact. A lot of men will wait till the end of the date to make the "big move" and go for the kiss, which results in both people feeling uncomfortable and nervous.

Instead, what they should have been doing was slowly and consistently escalating physical contact like I mentioned above, so that it never feels like there is a "big move" they to have to make. Instead, it will feel like it was a natural progression. Trust me, this will make the woman feel a lot more comfortable if you've been slowly escalating your physical contact.

But she doesn't ever take the bait ad want to hang out with me, she will return texts or messages like, "just wanted to say hi." but never ones that are along the lines of "hey what are you up to later on." or anything about hanging out.

Hate to say it dude, but YOU should be the one asking her to hang out. Bring her into YOUR reality.

Man the hell up, call her, and invite her to go window shopping with you so she can "keep you company."

EDIT: Some more good advice I will give you. When you ask her to hang out, CALL HER, don't text.

[edit on 16-12-2008 by thehumbleone]

Originally posted by BASSPLYR
I think I should just give her a simple note telling her how I feel and my old notebook filled with 12 years of poetry I wrote about her (but like an idiot never showed her) smile softly at her say goodbye and then disappear. I'll be around, just not around I guess.

:bnghd:

:bnghd:

:bnghd:

Please don't do this. Unless you wanna be seen as needy, a stalker, creep, weirdo, loser, and the list goes on and on. All NEGATIVE traits BTW.

[edit on 16-12-2008 by thehumbleone]

Originally posted by BASSPLYR


Now all I need to do is get in super duper shape, have the hottest body that any guy she knows has. get really really good at being alluring, get a really kick ass wardrobe so I'll look fabulous at all times. be super witty, and intruiging, and basically be everything she wants in a man, but be really unavailable. Flaunt some really hot girl in front of her to cut her down...basically to make her super jealous and want me more than I want her. Yeah thats the ticket!

There is truth in that. The "hottest body" part is not really necessary, but the other parts are all good.

Don't be extremely unavailable, cause then she will lose interest. Show her that there is a chance for her to capture you. Be non-needy. YOU are the prize, start acting like it.

[edit on 16-12-2008 by thehumbleone]

Damn Humbledone!!!! I like your advise. thanks for dropping by my thread. I appreciate it.

Yeah the poetry thing that was just me being emotional and retarded. I've decided never ever will I do that. nooooooooooo. that is creepy and weird. she doesn't need to be reading my poetry even if it's pretty darned good. it's personal and for me only. I'll take a stand on that.

as for now I think she's banging that other dude I told you about. she seems into him. I ain't going to interfere. Let her have fun with him. We keep crashing into each other every few months after each one of her relationships keep fizzing out.

Also, even her best friend says she has daddy issues and the such, pretty much preventing her from have a deep meaningful romantic relationship. everything is kept light with her.

So I'm done thinking about her, until we meet again I say to myself, and we'll always be meeting again, nature of our circle of friends.

Now if I could only get my buddy who talks to her more than I do to stop bringing her up everytime we hang out. like last night at gyu kaku (fun japanese restaurant) he starts talking about her. Like I said she's using him to fish for info. I basically told him to stop bringing her up. give her some space. give me some space. and someday later we'll talk about her. most of his conversations that he starts about her revolve around trying to figure out the nature of her relationship with this other dude. I've pretty much explained it to him, he agrees, but keeps bringing her up. why he's doing that would be helpful to know. any advise there?

PS. feel free to hit me up via this thread or U2U. your advise humbledone is pretty darned good.

Hi BASSPLYR,

I find with women, one of two things usually happens.

Either you immediately achieve great trust and excellent copulation, or, the sexual tension becomes unhealthy and rapidly degenerates into fixation, obsession and all that.

Just based on what you've been posting recently, it sounds like you are kind of fixated on this one particular woman.

You really need to copulate with her, very soon, or forget about it and move on to the next one. It doesn't matter how "special" she seems, if she seems to have so much in common with you and all that.

If it would be a problem to call her up, right now, and go copulate gleefully with her somewhere - then it's time to move on and stop dwelling on it.

Best of luck to you BASSPLYR!

Ever tried giving her a roofycolada? Works like a charm.

yeah now she calls me from vegas asking me to come out and hang out with her for the night. I'll remind that she went to vegas with that guy she's boinking. now she wants me to come visit her tonight the last night she's going to be up there. she wants me to drive from LA to las Vegas Tonight, to hang out with her in her hotel. where's this other guy, is he imaginary, a lie, did he split, why ask me to go with her now after she's already there.

whats she up to? this is actually pretty out of character for her, and no she didn't sound that drunk on the phone. blow me off for almost a month, then call me from vegas begging me to go see her there, and for only one night?
I told her I'd give her a call back, never did. Now I think she's just weird. thinking I should stay away.

Yeah dude, I think the humbleone's advice combined with your "stay away" attitude is a really good idea right now. It's unfortunate that us men can't act the way that we want to towards women. You know, the way that women pretend that they want us to act -- the guy in the romantic comedy that's so "in touch" with his feelings and whatnot. Being completely open with them seems to be what gets us dumped. You were completely right in one of your last posts -- make yourself awesome. Quit thinking about her for a little while, and work on you. Then, be hard to get ahold of, but not too hard. Tell her "no" a few times when she wants to hang out, and if she asks why, just tell you have plans. And when she doesn't expect it, invite her out with you one night to do something that YOU want to do. A lot of men think that women "have the power," but it's only because we choose to give it to them most of the time.

I didn't read every post in this thread, so I'm not sure if you've already told her how you feel or not, but personally, I'd just tell her. I'd tell her that I feel for her as more than just a friend, and ask her if she felt the same way. If she said "no," or was being wishy washy about it, I'd completely back off. I've learned as well that it's not healthy to be "friends" with a girl that you're in love with. Good luck with all of this crap, man. It sucks that human beings are basically destined to go through this stuff for basically our entire lives.

BASSPLYR, just get over her man. There are literally MILLIONS of other beautiful, single women out there.

You are too obsessed with this one girl. You should be living your life with an abundance mentality. In other words, you are never too into one girl because you have four or five other girls on the side. If this is not true, act like it is. Fake it till you make it, this way you don't unconsciously show neediness to any women.

Go out there and hook up with other women. Forget about this one for a while. Then after having sensual encounters with four or five other women, come back to this one and see if you still feel the same way about her. And if you do, THEN pursue her.

Never, EVER put any woman on a pedestal. Especially if it's a woman who you have just barely met. You should never think of any woman as having higher value than you. That is how chumps think. Sucking up, buying flowers etc. Just don't do it.

Also, Nothing is EVER a big deal in the dating game. She doesn't answer one of your calls? Don't even bring it up the next time you see her. You should have completely forgot about the missed call because you became occupied with another girl. She flakes on you? No biggie, you called over another girl to hang out. It's never a big deal, especially in the early stages of a courtship. However, some of the above behaviors would be completely unacceptable during the later stages of a relationship, and you should never let a woman disrespect you or walk all over you if you are already in that point of a relationship.

I also urge all the men reading this thread to pick up a copy of THIS book. It can be found in bookstores everywhere.

Welcome to My world.

[edit on 1/3/2009 by thehumbleone]

yeah I've moved on. dating another girl now, but I'm still intrigued with this other girl because she is like a riddle or something. but I'm at the point to thinking that the answer to riddle probably wasn't worth it Ie... she's not all shes cracked up to be.

that book rocks btw. getting 8 guys to live in a 10 bedroom mansion in bh is pretty sick. what a pad to take people home to.

Here is my two cents for the situation. The feeling you have between you two seems to be mutual and seems to be a good attraction. I myself have always put myself in this situation and usually never had the guts to tell that person how I felt and that they would eventually become too close of a friend, end up having a boyfriend (usually one of my friends), or would just lose touch.

I would say, seize the day and grab up as much courage you can and ask the girl out. The worst she can say is no and then you are still left as friends. I wish you good luck and my everything work out for you.

reply to post by BASSPLYR


Whatever happened to hit-it-and-quit-it?