The Cassie Clay Story: Part Two

Here is part two of an outline of a proposed book I am writing about my life. All rights reserved--by ME!

Remember of course the first rule: everything I am posting here is false!

When we last left our heroin she had just set out to make it in the big world of business, leaving all her occult weirdness far behind. I wanted to make a lot of money and also look good so I could have sex with hotties. I had also had a falling-out with my Wiccan friend from college, but that was just a casualty of growing-up, oh well. I had this weird dream where something was kicking my bed and then I woke up and something was still kicking my bed so I turned on the radio and John Lennon's "Instant Karma" began to play--but that was just coincidence.

So a couple of months passed, and then I had a dream that my ex-best friend was lunging at me with a large knife, saying "I'll kill you! I'll kill you!!"In the dream she was almost flying through the air towards me. I woke up, pretty shaken. And a few days later, I dreamt that my ex-best friend was strangling me in my bed; when I woke up, I still felt as if I was being strangled, and my neck hurt all day. These dreams happened for quite a while. And so the witch-wars began.

By this point, I found myself being irresistably pulled towards the Gothic. Pulled towards the dark. A similar change had happened to my ex-friend, about a year before we broke up. She started out being this nature-loving, real elves-and-fairies hug-a-tree and kiss-a-hobbit Wiccan, but then this Goth darkness fell upon her. She began dressing really Goth and became obsessed with vampires. She began writing lesbian S&M vampire fiction (which, ya know, I never really apreciated at the time!). And she had this very heightened sense of the war between good-and-evil. About several months after we broke up, and the witch-wars began happening, it was like I got infected with this dark Goth quality. I know that this sounds like total bull#, but that's what it felt like. A year passed, and I accidentally ran into her (ok, I didn't accidently run into her. I did a spell so I could run into her and maybe clear the air--stupidstupidstupid!) She was completely gothed out in leather and lace and so was I. She looked like a completely different person, and I guess I did as well--a completely different person spiritually, I mean. And she looked at me and I heard in my mind : "you've just lost your job." And three days later, my company closed.

Well holy #.

And so the witch-wars continued.

After losing my job I went through a series of #ty corporate jobs & I wore a suit every day. My paranormal experiences were happening every day. I also began actively reading the occult and trying spells and conjurings. I still held on to the belief that I could make it in the corporate world & would drop the occult # as soon as I "made it." My prophetic dreams were dead-on and happened almost every night. Whenever a co-worker was to be fired, I always knew ahead of time. I also did some shamanic work in dreams with people I knew during waking hours--these were of a profoundly healing nature. But most of my occult stuff was chaotic crap. Most of my goals were materialistic crap. My boyfriends were crap. And instant karma was beginning to get me right in the ass.

I could go into detail into at least 5 genuine weird events in my life during this time-period that resulted from magic--but I'm not ready yet, I might hurl

But around 2001 I really made a big effort to turn my life back to the light. I read a lot of positive-thinking books: Deepak Chopra, Creative Visualization, Don't Sweat The Small Stuff. I stopped drinking, went on a diet, and began an exercise programme. I through all the"dark stuff" out of my house -- candles, pictures, clothes, movies, books, etc. I felt great. The only occult activity I engaged in was the lightest of light Wicca--huggin' Hobbits and kissing flowers. I dedicated myself to the Mother Goddess. I also realized I was a little gay (which fit in perfectly with what was happening on BTVS with Willow, it was all so karmic and beautiful!).

Life was good. And then the towers came down. First the towers were on fire. But I couldn't see them being on fire. They looked normal. I couldn't understand why everybody was so upset on the train, looking out the window. Then I came to work, and saw the towers come down. And I headed home, stopped off at the liquor store, bought a case of wine, and hid in my room for several days. It was a horror I could not process.

And why hadn't I dreamt of it? Looking back, there was the slightest of slight tiny hints, but nothing even close to a warning. My sister, who is the most un-mystical normal woman on the planet, had a bigger warning than me--six months before the disaster she suddenly announced that her job at the towers was making her sick and she abruptly quit.

I handled the disaster by becoming a total anti-social alcoholic gothic evil little #. If there was such a thing as Darkness that jumps on you and infects your life, I was living it out. I handled the disaster by watching horror movie marathons. I started to hang up Halloween decorations around my house. And the paranormal events continued...and they were nasty buggers. I didn't care.

What about my big life in Corporate America? Hell, I realized by then that I wasn't corporate material. How could I be corporate material when I was going into work shaken because I had just dreamt that I had gone down in a plane crash the previous night & then found out that a plane did go down? How can I discuss the latest episode of Friends around the water cooler when I just dealt with my co-worker's childhood physical abuse issues during a dream the night before and now he's looking at me weird (but tender) like he just might remember the intervention...

Um, then I lost my apartment. Then me and my family stopped speaking to each other. Then I realized I wasn't going to get that big promotion at work but would be kept on as a secretary because "you're so good with those invoices." Then I became a hardcore alcoholic. What was happening with my life? It had to be the magic, the occult. I had to get rid of it all somehow. But at the same time, there was this dark part of me that woudn't let it go. It was a struggle. At that point on BTVS, Willow had just gone evil--I was really freaked.

I made a short film and played it in on my VCR on Halloween night. It was about a woman who gets seduced to the occult. I became really queasy, as in getting really sick. I went home and packed away every occult book I owned, every occult anything, even anything with the color black--with the intention of either throwing them away or selling them on ebay. I renounced all of my "kooky" mystical ways.

I began to become seriously ill. They gave me medicine, which almost killed me. For three months I was in constant agony from every type of pain imaginable. Because of the roaming nature of the illnesses, my doctors said it was all psychosomatic and there was nothing they could do. I began to become allergic to painkillers so I was really #ed. I would have OBEs in the middle of some of the worst pain and briefly materialize in other rooms of my house.

In the midst of all this misery, something channeled through my roommate. I must say first of all that my roommate is simply not a mystic-type individual who channels things a la Jane Roberts did with Seth--my roomie is an average Joe. He was talking to me and then his eyes closed and he said "Cassie has a friend who's a Goddess" and then opened his eyes and went on with his conversation as if nothing happened.

I had some hope. I had more hope as I read about Shaman's Sickness & the mechanics of Kundalini awakenings, which followed the pattern of my symptoms. After taking a bunch of sick days, I got back to work -- I hated my job and really wished there was a way to follow my spiritual callings instead, but of course that wasn't practical. So I forged through. And for a month, everything was fine. I was back on a healthy lifestyle, quit drinking, looked into a retirement package, and was even thinking about buying a nice pair of shoes with heels.

Then the sickness came back. I though I was stronger than it. At night, I dreamt I was facing the most powerful entity imaginable, without form, a loud vibration, a humming, a humming...

But still I thought I could beat it.

And then one day at work, a bolt of lightning hit my spine with such force that I was knocked right out of my chair.

An electrical force ran up and down my spine as what felt like another vortex opened up at the top of my head and in the middle of my chest. I told the doctors that it was a panic attack--which was true, in part. I am not a fan of medications but when you are dealing with such a potent force you need a buffer. I feel you deal with the mundane aspects of a situation with the mundane world, and the fantastic aspects you leave out of it.

But maybe it was just a panic attack.
Um, no.
Two occurences since this experience have proven to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is something else entirely--I don't feel cool about delineating exactly what those things were right at the moment. You know, the whole hurl factor

So I probably will write this book, and probably write a bunch more after that. As for the whole dark-vs.-light thing, I walk the grey, it keeps me sane.

And as for my Wiccan friend who nudged me on this path, gave me good advice, and then in a moment of anger compared me to Darth Vader--it is really too bad we no longer kept in touch. Something tells me we would have had a lot of useful information to share with each other.

And for those who think I'm totally cracked in the head--I did say that everything in this post was a lie, didn't I?

Hmmm I think your a bit nuts to tell you the truth, no offence like, i'd probably not pass any sanity tests myself. But that darkness stuff you know thats what'll fk you up i didnt trust them gothic types at school. I remember when i was about maybe 5-6 i was sleeping in a tiny little room with no windows in this small flat/apartment where i lived with my mum. Anyhow i woke up and saw, well whats weird is i cant remember it but i can if that makes sense? But it was in the way that i cant remember it a blue(?) light vortex on the wall (windowless room) then my mum came in and i asked her about this not long ago and apparently i was TERRIFIED couldnt talk or breathe and she was real scared and though i was dying or something. So basically i told these people to f off, i never seen them again, IMO only evil 'beings' will play them games with you.
You got some thing where they are "invited to you" IMO try christ or something not being funny but some "goodness" like that might be a good idea.
I know there is a good god (from which i logically suspect via the "evil" and am trying to "prove" to myself) but i cant mentally with any heart call upon him.
If you were affected to a significant degree by evil you'd know like me in your irreverance and indifference for the "good side" you just cant contemplate calling on him its a case of knowing what is wrong but not having the humanity to care. Bit of a worry but oh well such is life they get you somehow.

Good story though.
So can you predict stuff, got any predictions for me?

i like reading your stuff cassie....but with your disclaimer, I have no idea what to make of it....

maybe you should have your threads moved to the short story section

LOL!
Note that 5th column basically describes you as crazy then asks for a prediction

How would he treat the answer he got I wonder?

Good story, interesting to read, but very sad at the same time. I look forward (if thats the word for it) to more cassie

Originally posted by Cassie Clay
Here is part two of an outline of a proposed book I am writing about my life. All rights reserved--by ME!

Remember when you joined ATS you had to agree that all posts could be used and published by the owner of the web site. You signed away all your rights to the information.

awesome story or life story. i wanna read more too.

That's a very interesting story. I would love to know how much of it is true.

Your writing is great Cassie, but the disclaimer throws me a bit. I don't know if its real or a story. Its pretty good though.

all truthes are lies. all lives will end in death.

every exhale awaits another breath.

for now and forever.

until the next quest.

If there is one thing I've learned it's this:

If you say something fantastic has happened to you (like, you can do telekinesis or predict the future), people will generally scoff and call you a loon.

If you prove to those same people that you can do something fantastic (say, a coffee cup flies off the desk or a prediction is proved beyond a shadow of a doubt), they will react in one of 3 ways. 1)The majority will instantly hate & fear you & want to do you harm. 2)Some will actually block the proved fantastic event out of their heads so they can go on with their version of reality, feel secure, and not be forced to be afraid of you. 3)A very very tiny percentage will be ok with it & might even say, "cool."

But the truth of the matter is, fantastic things are quite possible and do happen. I really really want people to understand that.

And that maybe some of our new-age & conspiracy theorists are right on the money in terms of some of their ideas, and maybe in other things they are horribly heartbreakingly mistaken, and maybe a new paradigm has to be put together. Maybe we need a "new" new age movement.

5th Column: I don't take offense at you calling me "nuts." For people like me, being thought of as crazy and eccentric is protection. To be taken too seriously can be dangerous, when you talk about such matters. That's why when people say about David Icke, "oh he's talking about reptiles and blood-drinking Royals, and so on, he's CRAZY!" That's great that mainstream society thinks that about him--so he can go on making very important statements about other things that are verified and are logical and he won't be perceived as a threat by the US or the UK and get bumped off. On the other hand--let's say you have a very famous anti-establishment rabble-rousing celebrity who's got tons of honors and recognition by the "mainstream"--and this guy is going to take much of the same devestating (yet verifiable) info on Bush and Blair and Iraq and so forth and present it into a mainstream format for millions of mainstream people. This famous rabble-rouser is not considered "CRAZY" as a David Icke would be...tho a lot of people hate his guts (not me). Without the protection of a "crazy, eccentric" persona, with the credibility of many esteemed awards and a huge fanbase to back him--is not this plan to make a movie unveiling the most sensitive of information about the Bushes and the Bin Ladens and a whole other really incriminating stuff DANGEROUS? I think that the person I am talking about is an extremely brave, important man. But he's treading on real dangerous waters, and he knows it. I really really really worry about him, especially as it gets closer and closer to the opening of his film--so much so that after reading halfway through an article about him two weeks ago I got a massive migraine that lasted 5 days straight. Oh, you also wanted a prediction, 5th Column? But you called me "nuts," that's not nice...

And King Lizard (besides the fact that after all I've written the only reply you can make is a cheeky remark), I'm so #ed up right now going through what is either Shaman's Sickness or impending total organ failure that my main goal is to move all my writings out onto the web, starting any way I can. In one year I will either have my first book published or website running & people will know who I am (sort of) & then ATS can dig out my posts and do whatever the hell they want with them, or I'm going to live a quiet life in the sticks raising stray cats and selling antique soda-bottles on ebay.

As for the "everything I write in this post is false" part of my post, it is a bit of a riddle. I believe that the great occultist Malcolm Dust might have used such a device.

Anyway, thanks for reading.

most stuff by david icke is pretty good, you can't flaw his logic....well maybe the bit about the reptiles. but hey one of my mates looked like he morphed into a snake one night so he could have a point.