A trouble with myself

Ok, I gotta tell this to someone, otherwise I'm going to blow here.
Until a few weeks ago I was alone for a long period of time, when I say long period I mean almost 4 years without having a solid relationship. So this year I decided to change, to see what could happen and guess what? I'm dating this girl for almost 2 week, but we talk since the year started (yep, I know it's not much, but this thread isn't about her).
But since I was little I developed this way of being, which consists on acting like a loner, and the worst of all, I got used to it, so you can imagine how hard is to get into a relationship to me.

The point is, I'm suffering a lot since I have no idea what to do, I kinda feel I'm growing up a little bit, but I don't wanna lose her at all and I'm afraid this might happen because I'm not acting like the real me lately, I lose all my time thinking about her, how to make her happy and this is freaking me out too.
In fact I'm starting to lose the focus on studying because of this

So, my question is, does anyone ever experienced this kind of situation? Does this unconfort ever go away? And, is this normal?

Sorry if I'm crying out loud, but this is too new for me and I would really appreciate if someone can help me with this.

[edit on 2/6/2008 by tunin]

i dont understand the problem. i think u r overacting and stop being self-conscious.

I'm not 100% sure I understand what your problem is, but let me try to figure this out.

You've been alone for a while, and as such have developed a "loner" personality. Now, you're dating this girl (Who you've known since the beginning of the year, but have only been dating for two weeks.) and you feel like you're growing up and changing. This scares you, because you entered into a relationship as the person you were, and now that you're changing into a new person, you're worried that you'll lose her. Meanwhile, you spend all of your time thinking of her, and it's starting to effect your everyday life.

Everybody changes. And since you've been out of the loop for a while, this probably does have you feeling like a whole new person. That's ok. All couples experience this. People grow as individuals even when they're in relationships, but ideally they grow together. Now, you've only been dating for two weeks, so I'm guessing you have nothing to worry about here. You're still the same person that you were when you started dating her, and I'm sure that the things that attracted her to you in the first place aren't going to go away in a matter of weeks, unless she was attracted to your...loneliness. Sounds like you're just thinking too hard here.

Now, about the whole "thinking about her all the time" thing. This is normal; however, it's something you need to be careful about. If you're thinking about her all the time, that's normal and good, and obviously just means that you're really into her. Do not, however, let her "become your world." That's what got me into a lot of trouble lately, and I think it's part of the reason I'm having such a hard time with my recent breakup. You can't force yourself to just quit thinking about her, but just make sure you're set as an individual as well. Make sure that you have your own life outside of her. Never let it get to the point where a breakup will cause you to feel lost and out of touch with yourself. I don't know if I'm giving the right advice, because I've really only been through this once, but don't let her seep into every last facet of your life....at least not this early. I don't know anything about you or your relationship (Whether it's long-distance, you see each other all the time, online, etc.) but just make sure you're doing things for yourself at least as often as you're doing them for her. Doing that would have helped me tremendously. In fact, people told me that all the time, but feelings that people experience for each other are extremely powerful, and it's not always as easy as it sounds.

Be glad you're in a relationship with someone you really like, don't freak out or over-think it, remember to keep having fun, and most of all, don't let her become your entire world!

Hope this helped!

DuneKnight: Sorry if I was a unaccurate, I just tried to express my feelings.

Herman: Thanks for your help man, I'll take your advice. In fact I didn't explain the whole thing, just the superficial parts of it.
In fact I'm really changing, I don't know if it is for good but I'm. Now, why is it scarring me I don't know.

The #ty thing is, I have a lot of things in my mind right now, a LOT. I don't know if I'm making her happy, and this is frustrating me more than ever.
In fact I'm so dissapointed with myself right now that I can't even put into words what I feel right now.
God, this sucks.

Originally posted by tunin
I don't know if I'm making her happy, and this is frustrating me more than ever.

Lesson one on being a man with regards to women, relationships and dating.

Ask her if she's happy. Ask her if you make her happy. Tell her how you feel. Do not tell her you spend too much time thinking about her (don't want to freak her out too much). Honesty at the start of a relationship will be the foundation you build that relationship around.

Tell her how you aren't used to dating, it's been a while etc. You just want to make sure you are making her happy.


She'll either say yes or no. If she says yes, you look like a champ for caring about her even more and you will be able to stop worrying about that issue.


Now that I have that tidbit of wisdom out of the way, let me point out that you are two weeks into a relationship and it is normal to think about a woman (or man) a lot during the onset of a relationship but it is just that - the onset of a relationship. Don't over think things, don't look too far ahead. The relationship is still very young and you don't want her to think you are moving too fast.

Crakeur's right. Open communication will wind up being VERY important in the future. Make sure that you're comfortable enough to talk to thinks about her and vice versa.

And again, make sure that YOU'RE happy as well. You have to be confident in yourself before you can be confident in a relationship. Talk to her about these things and get them off of your mind. If she reacts badly and gets angry with you, then she may not even be worth the pain you're putting yourself through. Like Crakeur said. You're in the onset of a relationship. Don't over think it too much. That's another big mistake that I can vouch for personally.