She's going out with ex for the weekend (just friends)

JCA2005,

Snowflake is correct. She turned her tax moneys over to this guy who dogged her instead of using it on her children. She makes a good point here.

However..

YOu do not bother "Dogging" a woman like this to get her to fall for you. You dog her if she is dumb enough to try to get back with you. You do this because If you do bring her back in ..she will dog you. Sorry it has to be that way because if you dont ..you will be taking "Risks" for her and or for her kids.. for which she has no respect. SHe will have convenience and ease..but not respect. IF you let her back with you ..the dumbness gets transfered to you and you become the dog. Sorry...wish it could be different but it is not. Ive seen alot of this. IT becomes a transfer system as she begins replacing your value system with hers...there upon she stops respecting you. It becomes a big act...for convenience...in the end..she just will go off with the next guy who will properly dog her. Another cycle.
This kind of thing works because she knows how to emotionally attach herself to you...you are doing most of the work for her. Emotional Vampirisim. Are you the "Rescue Me" type??? Are you going to "Flashdance " her through lifes hurdles at great expense or risk to yourself?? This woman is in her 30's right. Ask yourself how many times and with how many guys she has practiced the lines she used on you to get you in to her fold??

Think about it dude...she doesn't have her GED certificate nor time to get a GED.......but has time to go out every other weekend when the kids are at their grandparents?? What is missing here...she would rather go out than better herself for her kids...does that make good nonsense?? She is going out hunting and gathering men...so that she can attach herself to the next dummy...with what ever emotional story she can suck them in on. Vampirism. Emotional Vampirism. This is obviously easier than getting her GED Certificate. This womans career is in looking for men who will properly dog her while running through nice guys like you. She is "Looking for Mr Goodbar." In time ..she may find him.

If you are not olde enough to know what that means.." Looking for Mr Goodbar" someone else out here can clue you in.

I am not saying here that the EX is very bright or better..but she is not with her Ex anymore and this is the best that she can do for herself and her kids?? What would she ever be able to do for you ...other than attach...and get you to take risks for her and the kids?? Got it...she cannot even postpone her instant gratification long enough to get her GED??
Why didnt she get it the first time around?? Most certainly not the second time around...obviously. THere is alot of baggage here dude.

Think about it. She is looking for ways out..not ways to handle the problems/issues herself. This is why her career is in guys.

A woman like this..until she learns to be responsible...if ever....her kids will always pay a terrible price for her irresponsibility.
If you attach yourself to her you will pay the price right along with the kids.

Orangetom

[edit on 6-5-2008 by orangetom1999]

Originally posted by orangetom1999
She is "Looking for Mr Goodbar." In time ..she may find him.
[edit on 6-5-2008 by orangetom1999]

After reading your post, I was like woah, he blew me away because he is right. I have been in the same situation before, but why am I getting myself back in it.

About Mr. Goodbar. I basically think what you are saying is someone that will financially support her and take care of her and her kids. Someone to use.

reply to post by jca2005


Well if she is looking for that she isn't doing a very good job. A true gold digger would never give her tax return to her boyfriend. She'd be way better off getting a GED and getting a job and/or going to school part time.

I feel bad for those kids. I mean, I like to go out when my kids are at their dads too but it isn't top on my priority list. I still think that instead of dogging her just remove yourself from the equasion and don't even get yourself messed up in all that drama.

Originally posted by snowflake_obsidian
reply to post by jca2005

 

Well if she is looking for that she isn't doing a very good job. A true gold digger would never give her tax return to her boyfriend. She'd be way better off getting a GED and getting a job and/or going to school part time.

I feel bad for those kids. I mean, I like to go out when my kids are at their dads too but it isn't top on my priority list. I still think that instead of dogging her just remove yourself from the equasion and don't even get yourself messed up in all that drama.

Yes you are so very right. I have talked to her, and told her what I have told you guys and gals, and took some of your opinions and turned them into words and talked to her, and she swears that she is a good woman, and really likes me, and wants to be with me. However, I am just not sure how much longer I am really going to put up with this. I dont want to get in the same situation again.

Snowflake is correct jca2005. You need to distance yourself from her. Your time and moneys are valuable commodities in the marketplace. Dont sell yourself short.
And I too...feel sorry for those kids.

It has been many years since I have seen the movie and I dont actually like to use movies to describe real life but I will try to get the gist of the movie.

this movie was made in the 1970s and a woman in the plot was doing the bar scene looking for and hunting men and that "Mr Right." You know ..that "special relationship."

Well after several drama relationships she picks up some guy and takes him home...for the umpteenth time of hoping he is Mr Right..and he kills her.

But yes..that is basically what Looking for Mr Goodbar is describing...except in that olde movie..it was fatal.

You cannot rescue these women jca2005.

Thanks,
Orangetom

[edit on 7-5-2008 by orangetom1999]

reply to post by jca2005


some people are always quick to pass the blame for their problems onto someone else, because its easier than admitting they screwed up.

- its not me, its him! he still causes me probs even though im not with him.
- those kids must have ADD, i just cant control them.
- oh i cant get a job, its not my fault nobody wants to employ a single mom with no work skills.


the blame game is one that there is no winner. and sadly, some people never take responsibility for their own actions (or sometimes, lack of action and letting "# happen")




[edit on 7/5/08 by Obliv_au]

reply to post by Obliv_au



Obliv_au,

LOL LOL LOL....

I'm a victim..I'm telling you I'm a victim...victim..victum ...victum!!!
Ive been victimized!!!!

I deserve all the makeovers...the other girls don't!!

And everyone else....has to take a lie detector and DNA test..!!!

Thanks,
Orangetom

reply to post by orangetom1999


ive seen various forms of minipulation and control when visiting mates, and its interesting how we can see this sort of crap going on in others lives but when it happens to us we always feel obliged to give benefit of the doubt, or think "naah, he/she would never do that to me"

im not saying its all women, and im not a women hater, but as i said previous, just seen it many times in my mates relationships and their need to always ask me why things are screwed, what should they do, etc.

of course ive probably been at the receiving end a little too at times, although i'd hate to admit it

sometimes i think with so many whipped husbands + angry wives that women are the new men, and men are the new women

[edit on 8/5/08 by Obliv_au]

Originally posted by Obliv_au
reply to post by jca2005

 

- its not me, its him! he still causes me probs even though im not with him.
- those kids must have ADD, i just cant control them.
- oh i cant get a job, its not my fault nobody wants to employ a single mom with no work skills.

[edit on 7/5/08 by Obliv_au]

Oh wow, you must have met my mother!

JCA, I will admit that there was a time when I myself went through a time where I didn't know what I wanted and did stupid things. Granted that was before I had kids. Finally I got to the point where I was tired of it and stayed single for awhile so I could figure out exactly what I wanted in life. I still don't know 100% but I at least have my priorities straight. Maybe that is the position your friend is in right now. Maybe you can suggest to her that the two of you need a break and she needs to take some time to figure out her priorities, get her GED, get her life together and then see what happens from there.

Well I am going to spend the week with her starting Sunday. We will see what happens. I have already talked to her about the other things.

lol... here is my amateur evaluation of this entire situation:

OP - Wants to be loved. Willing to get hurt to find it. In fact, willing to be hurt repeatedly. He knows this is wrong, however.. can't find enough personal justification to give up the CHANCE for true love. Further hurt will come to you, my friend. I'm really sorry.

That is NOT to say you shouldn't continue to be a nice guy. However, women get hurt a lot... and have learned in this world that the only way to prevent this to a certain degree, is to swing first. Demonstrate they can handle a "man's world". (no offense ladies)

Sir, I would say this. You want to move on. But you're also afraid to. You have received a lot of advice, and you argued with 99% of it. You know deep down it is true, I can tell by the way you're responding. But you will argue in the hopes of WANTING these answers to be wrong.

I say move on. This drama will increase. Why waste your time? You're not looking for a fling. You are searching for something serious. Hence the amount of concern you have placed into this relationship. And the fact that you asked people on this forum for advice. This girl will not be your yellow brick road to happiness. Cut your losses. You will find someone. Just be patient. Work on yourself, and achieve some goals in the meantime. That is something you WON'T regret.

I wish you all the best.

Well I just got back. We talked alot and had sexual intercourse a few times over the weekend. She says she wants a relationship with me, but wants to take it slow and get her and her kids moved in to her own place after she finds a job first, and take it from there. She is telling me her ex will be in her life for a long time because he raised her 2 year old daughter since she was 2 months old which is her ex-husband's daughter. And her daughter calls her ex boyfriend her daddy. But I know it's not his, they don't look alike. With the way things are going, I am just hoping I did not get her pregnant.

[edit on 18-5-2008 by jca2005]

Run Forrest Runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. She's not worthy of a nice guy like yourself. She's playing both of you...women do it just as much as men do. She's got way too much baggage, especially with 3 kids.

There are plenty more fish in the sea who haven't spawned 3 kids yet, my friend. No one ever takes advice though when it comes to matters of the heart, but at least we tried!

You're playing with fire without the Asbestos Body Shield...Ugh if you get her pregnant, good GAWD.

Good luck and I hope it doesn't end in a disaster for your sake!

[edit on 18-5-2008 by LateApexer313]

[edit on 18-5-2008 by LateApexer313]

LOL LOL LOL...textbook..just textbook.

JCA2005...you are textbook. I think you are just as femminine as is she. You two are perfect for each other. You will emotionally feed off each other at the expense of the children. Well done olde man ..well done.

EagleTalonZ is correct in this statement. In the bullseye...on target.

OP - Wants to be loved. Willing to get hurt to find it. In fact, willing to be hurt repeatedly. He knows this is wrong, however.. can't find enough personal justification to give up the CHANCE for true love. Further hurt will come to you, my friend. I'm really sorry.

Notice the usage of the word CHANCE. A CHANCE for true love. This is not the same as true love..but only a chance...a roll of the dice. I know so many women who play this card...for a CHANCE...not the real thing. They are so desperate for a CHANCE they will screw up much of thier future including the future of the children. They are emotional train wrecks.
Looks like you JCA2005 are on this same set of train tracks.

Did you not think you ...in possibly getting her pregnant, you would...by CHANCE!!!! make things harder for the other three kids...not only for the kids but also the grandparents/relatives with whom she stays or leaves the kids... who are obviously taking risk to help her and the children in their fading autum years...how is this CHANCE at dumbness any different from what she is doing?? Compound dumbness??

But ....I am good people...I'm ok ..your ok...!! That is the mantra..the dogma ..the religion. Therefore it justifys any kind of behavior..even at the possibility/chance expense of the current living children...or relatives.
They are all expendable and disposable ..for my CHANCE at love. I deserve it ..the others dont!!

I have actually heard a woman declare that she would risk much for a CHANCE at catching a certain guy. Just for the CHANCE! I thought to myself..what an airhead. Two brain cells working and they are running away from each other. LOL LOL...how are your two brain cells working JCA2005??

Well I just got back. We talked alot and had sexual intercourse a few times over the weekend. She says she wants a relationship with me, but wants to take it slow and get her and her kids moved in to her own place after she finds a job first, and take it from there.

LOL LOL..JCA2005...sexual intercourse a few times over the weekend..does that sound like she wants to take it slow...?? You too for all that matter?? It takes two to have sexual intercourse. HMMM...?? How fast is this train going down the tracks?? Are the children and relatives onboard or were they left back at the station/ticket counter???

JCA2005...your conduct is not much different from hers. You two belong together. Be ready for her to leave you with the next guy who comes along...who will properly dog her...or be a bit more exciting...offer her more drama and make her properly feel more inadequate...so that she can be properly dogged...and by this means ..transfer the dogging to the children. Do try to stay with her long enough to get her tax refund next year. She will be disappointed/let down if you dont. I think you are both drama queens.

Russian Roulette..anyone???...just remember ...this gun is pointed at the children and relatives both.

LOL LOL LOL JCA 2005...will you and or her be on Maury??? Will you be taking the DNA/lie detector test???

Orangetom

[edit on 19-5-2008 by orangetom1999]