posted on Nov, 19 2007 @ 05:29 PM
I now realize something about myself. At first, I cared for everyone, I tried helping them when they were in need. I was always there to listen to
them, and let them know how I felt about a particular topic. I gave them my time, and my knowledge. I wanted them to feel that they were needed,
that they were wanted. I would have given my life, to save others, with a snap of a finger.
Then, people declined my offers to be there for them. I was tourmented, humiliated, shunned. I become depresses, stress, distant. I begin to think
everything is a waste of time, that nothing is worth my goddamn time. The time i've spent helping others cannot be recovered. The time I sat in the
dark staring at my cieling, pondering what I should do next, was extensive. I became a loner, a rebel without a cause. Shunned from even the
rejects, from the goths, from everyone. I'm a peaceful person, people need to understand this. It's all I wanted, was peace, happiness, friends.
The little friends I had became nothing more than what I soon began to hate!
I realize I hate people more than I ever wanted to save them. It sickens me that I feel this way about people, total strangers. Someone bumps into
me at the mall, I despise them. Only because that person never has a second thought to say sorry, or atleast make eye contact afterwards. Someone
harrases me at school, they don't realize what that s*** does to people. The first time you don't care, the second time, you blow it off. REPEAT
REPEAT REPEAT! You become sick of it. It literally makes you want to tear out your hair. You begin to believe what everyone says about you, though,
you know it's far from the truth. You become what people want you to be, and forget what your desires became, nothing.
Lately, this hate has hasn't supressed. I don't know what to do anymore. Things just never get better. And don't think I have suicidal
tendencies, or homocidal thoughts, because that would be nothing less than judging me. Goddamn!