Any Pansy Can Have Sex -- It Takes Strength to Love

Relationships, as they were, are falling apart. I blame nothing but weakness.

Any idiot can have meaningless sex and that, in my opinion, is the problem.

People nowadays don't seem to have what it takes to maintain a real relationship anymore. They have given up monogamy and caring in exchange for one night stands and single serving sexual pleasure. I honestly feel the sole reason for this is that real love and marriage are HARD!!

Sure, it's easy as hell to stay with someone for a couple of weeks, get all the sex you can and then move on to the next person. But, it's HARD to really commit yourself to someone and entrust them with the most fragile parts of your soul.

I think people are becoming too weak these days and it's killing our morality and leading to a society of people who care more about themselves than they do for anyone else. After all, it's impossible to truly love someone without loving THEM more than you do YOU. We, as a society, are becoming too damned selfish. Instead of taking the risk involved with placing our hearts in someone else's hand, we have chosen to take what we can, as fast as we can, and then run away and, honestly, that thought makes me SICK.

I can't go out anywhere around here anymore without seeing the exact same people hooking up with someone new every weekend. There are actually a good majority of people now who consider a relationship that lasts 6 months to be "long". What the hell? 6 months is a freaking cakewalk hahaha. What does this new attitude on life and love say for the future of our society? In 20 years are the young adults of that time going to be nothing but a bunch of little whores running around and overpopulating the planet with children that don't understand the concept of a family? Just the thought scares the beejezus outta me.

I don't know, you can look at things anyway you want I suppose. After all, what you do with your body and your heart is totally up to you. However, will there be ANY sort of long term "good" coming out of these new views on how relationships should be?

You can say what you want to me about the beauties of being loose, but, it takes a hell of a lot more character and fortitude to have a REAL and honest relationship than it does to bed hop.


Give me love and marriage anyday. Sure, the rewards may not be as immediate, but they definitely last a hell of a lot longer. Love and marriage, while VERY hard, are the gifts that keep on giving.


Jasn

Originally posted by SimiusDei
Relationships, as they were, are falling apart. I blame nothing but weakness.

Real relationships are about putting your significant other first before yourself, and vice-versa. It's not as much about weakness as it is selfishness.

Peace

reply to post by Dr Love


Ah, but it takes a HELL of a lot of strength to not be selfish.


Jasn

reply to post by SimiusDei


If it takes "strength" then you're not with the right person. If you give freely and have to ask in return, you're not with the right person.

BTW, I stole that schtick from Jeff Foxworthy.

Peace

reply to post by SimiusDei


This is a really good post SimiusDei. It is a growing problem in at least western culture. I cannot speak for others.

I think true love in a relationship only comes with maturity, which in part is a result of the environment you live in. We have so much going against maturing into a loving person that most people take the easy way and play the field or find greener grass on a daily basis.

I speak from experience that everyone goes through a learning period before they mature and eventually it gets easier to love given time and effort.

When I was young, I wasn't much different than those who you describe have baseless relationships. I had a marriage for 7 years, but deep down it was convenience that held it together. We had no problems of major concern and that is why it lasted 7 years. When trouble came, it fell apart rather quickly. Since then I tried a few other relationships and learned a lot about real love that works and not immediate gratification, though I had a few gratifying moments.

I am not quick to marry now and have been with the same woman for 5 years. It isn't nearly as easy as my first marriage yet it feels like we are together because we earned it. I know she puts up with my crap and vice-versa. It is too easy to go out and play around, but that is meaningless to me for any long term stability.

True love requires you to take all the things you dislike about someone and "discover" how to accept them. If you can do that unconditionally then you have learned the key to a long and successful relationship. The problem is that it requires mental work, which is counter intuitive to the I want it now society we have created.

Originally posted by Dr Love
If it takes "strength" then you're not with the right person. If you give freely and have to ask in return, you're not with the right person.

I thought the OP meant strength within ones own self, not necessarily asking for love in return. For one can love someone else even if it is not returned. It sucks that way, but it definitely requires strength.

reply to post by Dr Love


What I mean when I say it takes strength is, when you put yourself out like that (right person or not) you open yourself up fully to the possibility of severe pain. Not strength in the sense that you have to work at it.

It's much easier to love yourself fully. There isn't any risk in that.

Jasn

reply to post by ben91069


that is indeed what I was saying.


Jasn

Oh OK.

I was just repeating something I heard on General Hospital and I've been chomping at the bit to lay it down somewhere.


Speaking from a personal perspective, I can't think of anything my g/f does that I dislike and have to learn to accept. It's a foreign concept to me. If the relationship is good, stuff like that doesn't matter.

I guess I'm just whacky like that!

Peace

reply to post by SimiusDei


Lately I’ve been starting to wonder of the purpose of having a 'lasting relationship', or even existing at all. I might make a post for that soon. But more on topic:

It's become even harder to love for those reasons and because there are few to NONE people you can trust in this world. Even if you do get married for a long time, that doesn't mean your wife (or husband) is immune to cheating on you! It could happen just as easily to anyone. You just can't trust your so-called 'loved one'. The longest relationship I had was 3 months (my second of two). Granted I'm 16, but that's pretty low for today’s standards. And I’ve only made-out once and that is as far as I went with my first of two girl friends. "I just keep thinking to myself; what’s the point of all this? You eventually just die off and leave the person anyways. Can't trust anyone in the meantime."

I do agree that the future of family looks bleak and sex is just becoming entertainment, just something to do when you're born. Not emotionally, mentally, and physically arousing and connecting with the other. Hard to find that anyways. Got to find a wo(man) you get along with that well.

I'm a romantic myself. I'd treat my love with my heart and soul, respect, and everything else needed. I just can't seem to find anyone with the same ideals, or even if I did, trust that they'd return it all. Its give and take and most just want to take and reap the short term benefits before the true tests of love begin for the real rewards.

It might just be best to stay alone and keep yourself distant from loving/intimate relationships. Much healthier for you.

Edit: By the way, I love your posts SimiusDei. Keep it up

[edit on 11/5/2007 by Epic Wolf]

This reminds me of the couple Bonney & Clyde. Now if you knew your S.O. was a murderer and bank robber, how many of you would stick with them to the death and even partake in their lifestyle?

I think most people would call the cops if they discovered something of that nature about the ones they love. I think B & C had a truer form of love and acceptance for one another than most people do today.

Of course I am no authority of their biographies, but it seems that way.

Love is a lie. It doesn't last. It is very rare for people's love to continue for a lifetime -- most of what people think is "love" is actually human growth hormone being dumped into your system at the beginning of a relationship. Technically, it's infatuation. Only holds for about 18 months. If there's no mutual respect, communication or common ground after that, there will be no real love.

It seems to me that people are confusing the way relationships used to last for a lifetime with love. My grandparents were married over 50 years -- but was it love? Hard to say. There was a lot of abuse from what I understand, and control.

I think now that women are refusing to be controlled and abused anymore, and choose not to stick around in a relationship where there's no real give and take, that marriages are starting to fall apart. I think it has to do with a change in dynamics between people, not morality.

The only real love I have is for my children. The rest has been based on lies by my partners.

reply to post by MajorMalfunction


I feel sorry you feel that way MM. But I feel the exact same. Relationships are falling apart because there is really nothing left to really hold them together. Love is rare. Infatuation is always.

Don't search so hard, because the harder you search, the less you find when it comes to love. Not everyone is a liar MM, you just have to find the ONE. One in...billions. And less than %.00001 have found that person. Good luck. You and your children.

Ugh, who's searching? Even if I was looking, I don't have anyone knocking at my door.

I know not everyone is a liar. My skills at picking ones that aren't, however, are lacking.

Not trusting myself to be able to make a good decision as to who a decent partner is, I'm foregoing the whole thing. Easier on me, easier on my kids.

Originally posted by MajorMalfunction
Love is a lie.

Not true.

Of course, I can't prove that to someone else. I can only speak from personal experience and observation. I'm not saying it might not be rare. In fact, even casual observation would suggest it's rare indeed.

But it's possible. It exists. It's not a lie.

Just sayin'.

There is true love and it can / does last.

I've been with my SuprDupr wife for 10 years and I'm more in love with her today than yesterday. I expect it to keep growing too. I say you get out of it what you put into it.

You're a team and you better be a team player.

For those that don't believe or have a tough time believing, hang in there, hopefully it will happen for you, if you want it to that is.

Originally posted by elevatedone
I say you get out of it what you put into it.

Not in my case.

You're a team and you better be a team player.

All I can say is I was a team player but the other half of the team wasn't.

reply to post by yeahright


Good post. It's sad to see people that have given up on love. It's the best thing in the world.

I'm naturally unselfish. I make her feel like I need her more than she needs me. She feels content so it makes it easier for her to give herself. She makes 90% of the decisions and I just go along with it because it makes her happy. That in return makes me happy. People who call that P-whipped wouldn't know (expletive) from shine-ola anyways. Relationships are 50% action and 50% psychological IMO. A woman is naturally more emotional, and controlling that aspect is the key to a good relationship.

I'm sure that sounds naive to some of you, but it's far from that, it's experience.

Peace

I don't think alot of people take relationships as seriously as they used to particularly marriage. MM is right when you first fall in love your brain tricks you into feeling that way and that feeling isn't really love. Real love is figuring out how to deal with the relationship after those feelings of newness fade. This is the reason so many marriages fall apart, once the feeling is gone it falls apart.
Nowadays however I could care less about developing a relationship with anyone, I will only really ever love one woman and well that fell apart about two years ago. It was my own fault and my own doing, so i deal with it. And to this day you won't ever hear anything bad come out of my mouth about her. Now I am perfectly content to find something new for the night when i feel that itch.

Originally posted by MajorMalfunction
Love is a lie.
.................
The only real love I have is for my children.

Which is it, a lie or real? You seem to know that you possess true love for your children but you started off stating it is a lie.

The truth is, most relationships are based - like the OP says - on a lie. If you loved your lover the way you loved your children, it would last.

Now ask yourself what the difference is and you will see it is about placing someone else above yourself. That cannot be done if it is all about give and take.

Now MM, I will quote you from my favorite book for your reading pleasure:

Luke 6:
32 If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?
33 If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you?
34 If you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive as much again.
35 But love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return.

Now not to place any emphasis on or debate about the validity of the entire book, that excerpt is basically talking about setting yourself apart from others by showing love towards others. Whether you agree or not that there is a God does not enter into the equation if you believe love does no wrong, for which by its true definition it does not. So if you only love those who love you, then that isn't saying much about you. Anyone can do that and it should be expected towards ones own children. To find someone who loves you when you don't deserve it is exemplary, in my opinion.