When it comes to relationships, Cayla Dengate sees her men through a glass darkly.
I've had VBs and we've all taken an imported Heineken or two, but I'm ready for the real deal. I want a Stella."
Sarah, my bar-tending ally, is not talking beer, she's talking men.
Some say you can judge a man's character by his watch, others swear by his undergarments; but working at a bar over summer has shown me the foolproof
indicator - his beer.
There's a reason why there are 20 or 30 beers to choose from and it's the same reason women don't need one shop but a whole mall.
Needless to say, I'm sure you VBs, Carltons and News don't see it that way; you just want a drink.
There isn't much difference between the Carlton, VB and New. I like them. They're paint-splattered, rough-handed and good-natured. They don't piss
around with middies and half pints - after eight hours of work, they want a pint.
As partners, they're all right.
They aren't exactly romantic - and don't expect gifts - but they'll treat you well. Nothing really bothers them, except those "f---ing
I'm sick of Coronas. They're everywhere these days.These inner-city metros think drinking Corona makes them hard-core and cool, but we all know
it's made with malt, not yeast, because it's softer on their tender little bellies.
TED, or Tooheys Extra Dry, is pretty well rounded. He may be a little young, but he's on the right track.
The Cold Shot is a lot of fun, too (always up for a bit of experimentation).
The Shandy has to be one of my favourites. He's soft and he knows it. All froth and bubble, he's amusing, but he won't overdo it.
A Shandy will treat you well and he's more spontaneous and romantic than your average. Just keep a can of fly spray handy 'cos he ain't killin'
There are some beers you wish you'd never had. Like Heineken. You know you shouldn't go for an imported bastard like that, yet you're
uncontrollably drawn to him.
He doesn't just ask for a Heineken, he starts off by asking for some inconspicuous beer from "his part of the world".
At this point, any self-respecting barmaid - any woman at all - should turn away and start polishing glasses; but, alas, we never do.
Heineken is a nice guy, but right now, he's away from home, he doesn't know anyone and he just wants to have fun. Don't, I repeat don't, drink
him. He'll give you a shocking hangover.
A beer every so often is healthy. As long as you don't mix them or become too intoxicated, a little taste testing can be fun.
But I'm searching for the ultimate brew: the cost of a Corona with the class of a Stella wrapped up like a Heineken. Does such a beer exist? If so, I
doubt you'll find him at the local bar.
Maybe I should switch to spirits, or wine. Hmm, a matured dark merlot sounds good . . .