I feel the pain of everyone, and then I feel nothing..

Nobodie gives me a f****** chance, and you people wonder why I don't have any friends.. I try and I try and I try.. The average Joe's response? Your exaggerating, your not mature enough.. It's all a load of BS, i've done plenty of things to try and obtain acquaintences, but it just doesn't seem to work. I've got maybe, 2 people where I am who "somewhat" respect me, even then, they only respect me there when their firends aren't there.. I'm the secondary person, when their firends are around, I so as much don't even get a simple f***** hello. I've listened to peoples problems, i've given my advice. And what do I get in return? Nothing but a crappy attitude, and nothing else to spare. Shunned, and outcast to even the outcasts! I'm a talkative person when I feel like it, and even so, I like to listen to other people than talking really. The only firends I have are about 350 miles away, and my only true friend took his own life, what seems like life times ago.. And now, my brother has attempted to take his own life. He's older than me, and my family is all I got. I'm the kind of person, if your hurting, I feel that same pain, and I cannot rest until you are healed. And I sure as hell haven't been able to feel at ease in the last 3 years or so.. Especially this last 2. So much BS going on in my life right now, I don't know what to do. I've made a "friend", but he's everyones firend, as soon as you step into his office that is, a f****** psycologist. I hate being one of those troubled "youth", that so many people like to describe these days. And it seems that people say things to me, because they are afraid of me. It's been even worse since the Virginia Tech shooting. They compare me to a mass murderer and seem to enjoy it. People jsut don't realize how painful that s*** is to hear. Would you like being called "the next Eric Harris"? I'm sure you don't.. Labeled as a "Trench Coat Mafia"kid, that's not cool man. I'm 19 years old, and things haven't changed since I was in the 8th grade, well, it only seems they get worse. What next? I don't know what I would do if my brother did take his own life! Trust me, my life is agonizing. And some people rant about relation ship problems, maybe a girl/boy situation. Your life is just peachy compared to mine, trust me. I've been rejected, and that doesn't hurt as much as my life does on it's own. I've been "tortured" through High School, i've been looked down upon, and frankly, i'm sick of it. What can I do about it? Nothing really, just what I always do, keep moving. Atleast i'm venting right? That's pretty much all I can do at this point. I must have done something horrible in my past life to recieve this kind of "reality". I'm a good person man. Heh, i'm usually the person come to when something wrong, and yet, when I call, noone wants to talk when I have problems. I know theres that whole, give and you shall recieve thing, but I haven't recieved so much as a thank you, not even a smile.

Nothing changes, just rearanges.

Gee wiz.. Why hasn't anyone posted anything in here? :shk: I'm sorry but if this isn't a cry for help then I don't know what is. And all I hear are crickets chirping.:shk:

All I have to say this better not be a suicide note and everyone ignored it. And this person better be still alive. Thats all I have to say! MS13 u2u me anytime. Hope your ok.

:shk:
It doesn't take much effort to click on that little friend button at the bottom of the page.

I'm ashamed.. I really am. I see talk oh MS313 u2u me anytime. But did anyone click that little button? No they didn't.

Let me tell you something right now. This is something I normally don't discuss to others. I had a brother named Billy but he's no longer here. If I even had a clue that something was wrong. I would have been there in a heart beat. At that time I didn't have contact with him. It was really strange but the police ruled it a suicide. Weither or not that Billy really pulled the trigger I don't know. Many questions remained unanswered.

So next time someone comes forward asking about suicide, don't merely brush it off and ignore it. This is very serious. It can affect anyone anytime, anywhere. And no its not a mental diesease. People loose hope on the way their life is going from bad to worse and once they reach that point unable to bear life anymore they take the short way out.

MS313 even showed clues.

www.belowtopsecret.com...
www.belowtopsecret.com...
www.belowtopsecret.com...

I really don't know how clearer he could have gotten. And now this.

You are right Leyla both on the saddening lack of response and that this is a cry for help from madseason. I just read this now and am just so saddened. I sincerely hate to hear of another person hurting and hope my ramblings forthcoming can help.

I can relate on so many things you mention madseason, it seems to me that people are becoming more and more selfish by the day and it is a damn shame.

It's hard to find the positive in this but you have to try, you know how considerate and compassionate you are and that is all that should matter right ?
nevertheless it's nice to have people acknowledge the friendship you give.
I know what it's like to be ignored (in my own house! by my own family! I would literally be talked over or cut off and it hurts like hell) and nobody should be treated this way.
"Friends" use me all the time, they just love to broadcast their problems to me and seek advice but hey how about asking me what's going on with me or just acting interested if/when I do come to you ? It's enough to make me sick and so I just have very few select people close to me like that now.

You know what ? eff em. You, I, and anyone else feeling this way at the hands of others deserves better and if people don't present the "better" to you, ignore them. Get a handle on the situations as they arise and make the decision yourself to get involved or not. I usually don't anymore. it's lonely but at least I don't feel like sh at the hands of another person when all I've done is put the effort in to help them and received nothing in return.
I refuse to let anyone have that kid of control over me anymore and I am getting better at voicing my frustration with people when they disrespect me like that. By pointing out when someone is at fault it usually humbles them so do it, bring it to their attention, most of the time they don't even realize.
it's sad that some people can be that self absorbed, but the harsh reality is that they can be.

I hope this has helped in some way, if not just know that someone does feel your pain.

Bless





[edit on 14-5-2007 by ImJaded]

Originally posted by ImJaded

It's sad that some people can be that self absorbed, but the harsh reality is that they can be.

Indeed IMJaded.. In truth there was no excuse that this slipped under the radar. Now this has been bothering me since Sunday when I first saw it. Now its really bothering me that more people didn't respond to this. I mean come on its this the reason that we are on this site? Everyone pays better attention to trolls for crying out loud.

This is clearly a subject no one wants to talk about. Funny I even had a dream lastnight that someone posted and that person literly had typed on their post,

Aww do we have to talk about this? I guess we do.

Next time pay more attention to posts please. I will keep a eye on this post through the day, and lets hope and pray his alive. Yes I said pray. So don't start on me for that.

I should throw a shoe at the rest of you for not responding to this thread.

Hopefully madseason will come back to this thread to let us know he is ok.
His last visit shows he was here today May 14th so that is reassuring that he has not hurt himself. I understand your concern though.


MS please come back and put our minds at ease. We care and would like to hear from you

Originally posted by ImJaded
Hopefully madseason will come back to this thread to let us know he is ok.
His last visit shows he was here today May 14th so that is reassuring that he has not hurt himself. I understand your concern though.


MS please come back and put our minds at ease. We care and would like to hear from you

May 14th huh? grr Scare us half to death. I didn't see that. I'm glad you mentioned that Jade. If you didn't I'm sure I would have gotten more gray hair lol. At least I can breath a little easier now.

People can be awful, man. I know what you mean, at least to an extent. I've always had friends, but never been the popular type. There was a time I cared about that, but it ended when I was 12...I'm 20 now. People judge you based on a million different things that they shouldn't judge you for. But forget about them. If they don't want to be friends with you for who you are, they don't deserve to be your friend. They don't deserve your advice or your company. Use this as an opportunity to get ahead and life. Before you know it, those people will look up and wonder how they fell so behind in the things that are really important. Be confident in who you are, forget those who don't like who, and you will make friends. Not only that, but you'll make the right friends - ones who like you for who you really are, not someone you're pretending to be. It's like Rocky says in Rocky Balboa (haha,) "It ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward."

Don't know if that helped...hopefully it did a little bit. Be strong - you're not young forever.

NO worries, i'm still here. Though, a couple of days when I posted, I didn't think I would be.. But I would never commit, I have attempted, but never again. So you don't have to worry about my physical being, i'll be alright.. And thanks for all the support and concern. I greatly appreciate it.. I'll be back on later, to let you know what's up..

Originally posted by MadSeason313
NO worries, i'm still here. Though, a couple of days when I posted, I didn't think I would be.. But I would never commit, I have attempted, but never again. So you don't have to worry about my physical being, i'll be alright.. And thanks for all the support and concern. I greatly appreciate it.. I'll be back on later, to let you know what's up..

lol Well nice to see you back.

Mad, take it from someone who's lived a little, life has its ups and downs and i know friends are important, but they are secondary to YOU. YOu are the most important person- strive to get an education, place your energy on things you like, things that make you happy. Once you have found your place in the world, and you have a direction in life, your "friends" will all fall into place in due time.
I have been where you are, and you will overcome it all- all those feelings will go away. Love thyself.

Good luck, DG

It's easy for someone to tell another what life brings, when in all reality, every life is totally different. There may be similiar aspects in some case scenarios, but not all have "been here", trust me. I know for a fact, not 30 people have been where I am in life right now. I KNOW THAT FOR A FACT. How do I know that for a fact? I have my ways, but I seriously can't say right now. And i'm not trying to drown myself in self pity and recieve pity, though it may seem that way, it's not. Like I said in my earlier posts, i'm venting my frustration, and it seems much more effective to me to do it in a public manner, in a sense that is. But honestly, there's not many people who have been in this situation i'm in, I can look back to atleast 3 cases where someone has been in my situation. And like I said earlier, I've got my ways, to know and withhold this kinf of information. And in due time, i'll let you know how I have obtained this information. I don't mean to ramble on about "past" torubles, or the present ones, but i've got nothing better to do. Not everybody makes it out of the long hard road out of hell, it's just that some people are weak minded, and they just can't make it. Survival of the fittest, natural selection, whatever you may call it, not everyone is fully capable of life. But the ones who recognize their surroundings, are often the ones who die faster.

Today I had one of those, in your face moments. My "buddy" at work came to sit with me while we were eating. And up unexpectedly, he moves tables to some people he hardly knows at all to eat with them. I sat there, then put on my headphones, ate my meal, and then had the remainder of my break smoking cigarettes. It's not a big deal really, but when it happens multiple times with numerous people, you start to wonder. Am I just one of those people who are just not the type you hang around, no matter how laid back and mellow you are? I laughed about it afterwards with him, but he just said"Well, you know!" No, I don't know! No worries! Oh yeah, for you people who say, "dude, you need a chick", well, in my position, I don't think i'm capable of getting into another relationship. Usually, atleast in the past relationship I had, i've left nothing but tears, more than likely. I've got way too many problems to even deal with that s*** right now. And no, i'm not one of those "shy guys", who sit around and glance all day. I've had my share of rejections, no biggie, so those of you who just think it's one of those, he's lonely issues, it's not that at all. It's all the s*** i've been through that keeps bringing me down. Constant realization is a b****!

Originally posted by MadSeason313
It's easy for someone to tell another what life brings, when in all reality, every life is totally different.

Yeah, I hear ya. I know people who dismiss other people's problems by comparing your problems to their own or someone seemingly worse off and it really annoys me. Every life IS different and the only reason other people's problems don't look so big is because they are not your problems. But, bless them they are only trying to help. There is a world out there full of people who really couldn't care less about me or you. It is nice to bump into a few human beings here in ATS from time to time.

Like I said in my earlier posts, i'm venting my frustration, and it seems much more effective to me to do it in a public manner

I've done it myself. Very theraputic. Vent on!! We're listening!

And in due time, i'll let you know how I have obtained this information.

I look forward to hearing about that whenever you get around to sharing it with us.

But the ones who recognize their surroundings, are often the ones who die faster.

Which is why people bury themselves in such mediocre things and surround themselves with so much worthless activities. Pulling your head out of the mud and having a good, long, hard look around is more than some people can do and I commend you for doing so. But I put this to you. Would you prefer to be ignorant? Would you unlearn it in an instant if you could?

Today I had one of those, in your face moments.

I'm really sorry, but I have to ask the obvious question. It is not being me trying to be nasty or attack you.

You do wash from time to time, right?!!?

Sorry! I know, but you are intelligent enough I hope to know why I had to eliminate that possibility. Trust me, I was a smelly person once and it hurt to be told.

I have had hundreds of "buddys" like that as well. Only a handful of "friends". I gave up helping people, driving them around, looking out for them, etc. because for some reason unknown to me they just left and never said goodbye. Which is why I was drawn to this thread in the first place. People can be A******S. Fact of life. My true friends live nowhere near me, but it doesn't matter as I can pick up the phone and give them a buzz anytime and whenever we meet up we have a great time.

"dude, you need a chick"

The right person will come along at the right time. Nobody "needs" a chick!

It's all the s*** i've been through that keeps bringing me down. Constant realization is a b****!

You need to get that off your chest it seems. I would suggest an anonymous forum such as this. Get it out before it burns you up inside.

howmuchisthedoggy..

First off, I'm not the smelly type, heh.

And if I could regain my ignorance to EVERYTHING that has tourmented me, I would. I really would, I wouldn't become one of those guys who only have sex on their mind, but I would probably be different. But you know what? I'm glad I can't have that wish in the snap of a finger, because I would never have met the people I call my friends. As you noted earlier, when you do get in touch with those friends, you have one hell of a time. It's just that my friends aren't exactley friends anymore. We were basically a group of 6 or 7. People labeled us as trench coat mafia all the time. Usually because we had trench coats and we wore darker clothing than usual. BUt meh, I didn't really care about that so much then. Some of my friends are now, in college (becoming snot nosed punks, everything that we stood against),stoners, a daddy, and dead. I'm in college, but i've got way bigger issues than the rest. Atleast they can have a smile from time to time. Everytime I call them, they seem far to busy to "visit" on the phone for a few minutes. Ones a daddy, so I can see the reason being for not having enough time to do anything. Meh. Oh well. Oh, and as for the getting my past off my chest issue. Trust me bro, it's not going to be easy, i've had a really f***** up life so far. I've talked to psycologists, and other doctors. I've been prescribed sleeping medications, and anti-depressants, but neither of them seem to work. My body is very resistant to any of those types of drugs, and yet I have weaker immunities than the average person, it's pretty weird. I've also seen those astrology readers, and for some reason, my whole life was basically clouded to them. It's weird going to see an aura reader and hearing them whisper to their associate and then asking me to leave.
HA! Also, one day while I was in Minneapolis MN. Some random guy came up to me and just said,"Soon, soon you'll see, that when your world ends, there will be nothing to fear, and you'll be alright, my friend, soon". I just said,"alright man, alright, sure, alright". He smiled and then shook his head," All of you youngsters are ignorant". But in all reality, I dwelled on what he said for weeks.

Hey Bro. Sorry to hear about how you're feeling. I think it's cool that you came on here and "spilled the beans". That sucks that people act that way. Just keep trying and it'll happen. Try and meet people with similar interests and go out for coffee or to lunch/dinner. You sound like a good person and it's shame that the people around you are triflin.

Maybe you can set some goals to get the ball rollin. For example this week I'm gonna try and talk to three people I don't know. This may be awkward but it will make you feel more comfortable in the long run. There are young people groups where maybe you can meet others with similar interests. You can hit me up anytime on the U2U and I'd love to hear from you. Remember good things happen to good people (karma) maybe yours is just "building up"! Keep your head up Bro.

Mad, if you ever need to talk, "drop a line" my way. I'm always more than willing and I think you'd enjoy a bit of intellect rather than emotional responses, that is judging from your posts.

Always here for you and in all ways,
L.O.V.E.

[edit on 17-5-2007 by LastOutfiniteVoiceEternal]

I would just like to say again, thanks to you all for the concern I guess. Atleast I know someone out there "cares", if that's the word. Though you are random, it's somewhat assuring. I have to go to work. A nine hour shift of flipping burgers and listening to ear aching beep and squeeks. Wish me luck, being that everytime I go I want to throw a burger at my managers face, then walk out with a handful of Shrek the Third toys and give them away to all the little kids, considering the toy itself is worth 3 and a half cents.. I just found that out, how is something worth 3 and a half cents? Hurmpf...

[edit on 18-5-2007 by MadSeason313]

You are your own goD.

You are the one who will make the changes in your life, you must learn to become confident and acessertive, and not give a crap if being yourself isn't good enough from someone else.


Get out and do stuff, seriously you have to mingle if you want to meet people, grab that fear inside you just and rip it out it's useless.


Meet different types of people if all of the ones you run into are douches bags, you've just got to expriment.


Don't allow things to pass you by, rejection is a lot better than regret in whole of life.


You are your own goD, you are in control of your destiny and only you will make the things happen.


You'll be surprised at how much you might have in common in a total stranger, I mean hell I talk to strangers a lot, maybe more than I should sometimes. But why not?

Just don't sit idly by, you've got to work it man.




[edit on 18-5-2007 by Lysergic]

Well, I did as someone said in an earlier post.. I talked to 3 strangers.. Some of which I work with, and the other just some random person ay Walmart, ah yes, Walmart.. The shopping center for lower class America.. Aside from that, it went alright with one person, and the others, total f****** train wrecks.. The one atleast agreed with something that I had said, and carried the "conversation" for atleast 5 minutes, then when the grill was cut, the rest of my day consisted of total solitude.. I'm not trying to be a hermat, but it's hard not to..

Not really a topic related post.. But i'm tired as hell.. This is the first time in like 2 years that i've waken at 6:30 in the morning, willingly.. I went to sleep at 5:30 :|... Am that is.. But I think i'm going to submit to the sandman once agian.. Damn thunder... CURSE YOU!