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Shock, dismay and outrage greeted today's announcement that members of the Irish clergy stand accused of keeping a respectful distance from children and not violently buggering every child under the age of ten to death with an assortment of prize-winning vegetables.
I'm horrified,' said Colm O'Pinionated, a local politician from Ballybanjoplucker, Co. Donegal. 'It's outrageous behaviour - quite simply unacceptable in our modern society. No child should have to live in fear of such exclusion and the horrifying peer-pressure that follows the admission of not being rogered senseless by a black-clad Nazi whilst shrieking the Hail Mary in the key of C.'