Unless you live in a cave or you have been in a coma for the last couple of weeks, you must have seen lots of sappy articles/commentary about the
important events/trends of the past year and what they might portend for the coming year.
All is warm and cozy and self-contained in those kinds of retrospectives. As you have come to realize, that is not the way the world is viewed from
here in Curmudgeon Central. There is always reason to hope that future times will be better than the recent past; that is part of what makes humans
keep trudging on in their lives. But there is also a realism dimension to Planet Earth and the best way to make tomorrow better than yesterday was
would be to put a complete halt to some of the things that happened on yesterday.
I know we can't just stop all the silly and annoying things that go on around us. To be candid, I would not wish for that to happen even if it were
possible because then things would get very quiet around here in Curmudgeon Central. So, instead of basking in some kind of rosy and starry-eyed glow
of optimism about how things will be much better next year (cue the music - The sun will come out, tomorrow ...) let's think about some things we can
quit. And by the act of quitting them, we can make the world an infinitesimally better place for everyone.
Let's begin by demanding that the makers of Samuel Adams beer stop telling us that "Samuel Adams is always a good decision". No, it is not. You should
not pop open a bottle and drink from it just as you are approaching a state police sobriety checkpoint. And if the ad agency folks that came up with
that stupidity think my scenario is concocted, then I hope that the surgeon who operates on their next family member that needs neurosurgery is making
that "always good decision" all throughout the procedure. And while we are thinking about beer commercials, can we please stop all advertising about
beer as a "diet beverage". I don't care if it is "lite" or "ultra" or "low-carb" or "all natural" or whatever; it's beer and it's not something that
is going to be part of an intelligent and medically sound program for someone to lose weight.
As you watch your sporting events on TV, do you really need to be let in on any more of the exploits of the Geico gecko? I didn't think so. Even worse
is the AFLAC duck. Have you ever seen how they force feed ducks and geese to create foie gras? They jam long funnels down their esophagi and pour huge
amounts of grain into their stomachs several times a day. That's what needs to happen to that damned duck before they go and harvest that fattened
liver of his.
Do you remember the "Take me fishing..." ads that urged you to take someone fishing for a whole bunch of sappy reasons? Just once, I wanted that
little girl to tell her daddy to take her fishing because she was planning to make him a grandfather when she was 12; and therefore, this would be the
only time she and her dad could do this without the interference of her own rug-rat.
By the way, all of the commercials on TV and radio that deal with tampons, hemorrhoids, erectile dysfunction, PMS and diarrhea are annoyingly
tasteless. If the ad agencies can't come up with something creative that is not also tasteless, please take these damned things off the air.
Have you figured out yet why the "man in black" who tells us about Sprint cell phone service has to travel around all by himself in a bus? What has he
got going on in there? How about driving around in something a little more "mileage efficient"? If you have to drive around in something that guzzles
gas, you can probably get a good rental deal on the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile.