posted on Nov, 15 2004 @ 05:45 PM
The period in "The Best Damn Sports Show...Period" should be an exclamation mark. Period!
Eleven months after re-signing with the Dolphins through 2006, head coach Dave Wannstedt has resigned following a 1-8 start to the
season. Forget about a year - it's amazing what a difference a hyphen can make...
First he was a wide-out. Then he was a quarterback. And now he's a punter. Baltimore's Kordell Stewart has reinvented himself yet again and put the
kick back in "Slash," his bygone nickname that figures to experience a renaissance of its own. When starting punter Dave Zastudil separated his
shoulder during this past Sunday's game against the Jets, Stewart was ready, willing and able to fill his shoes. Literally. "Slash" averaged 35.4
yards on five punts with two inside the twenty to boot, effectively kick-starting a Ravens rally that culminated in a 20-17 overtime victory at the
The only predictable element of today's NFL is unpredictability. Such is the state of modern professional football. Sadly though, this league-wide
phenomenon known as Parity is looking more like mediocrity with each passing week. With the exception of the Patriots, Steelers and Eagles, every team
has been - on average - very average in 2004. So what's next for the National Parity League? A season in which all 32 franchises finish 8-8? Could be.
Just imagine the tie-breakers come playoff time...
The NFL is far and away the most popular viewer sport in America. But like it or not, bowling is our country's most popular participation sport. And
with ESPN on its side, the PBA is rising faster than a Curt Schilling fastball. Who knows - twenty years from now, "Pro Bowlers" might be most
commonly known as the lanesmen of the Pro Bowlers Association, not the all-stars of the National Football League...
When you tackle a passer for a loss, it's a sack. When you tackle a ball carrier for a loss, it's a tackle. So what do you call a tackle of a
quarterback behind the line of scrimmage on a designed running play? Is it a sack? Yes and no. Yes because the quarterback has been brought down
behind the line of scrimmage. No because the quarterback is no longer a quarterback - he's a runner. So is it a tackle? Yes and no. Yes because the
runner has been thrown for a loss (the "official" ruling in this scenario). No because the quarterback isn't your typical ball carrier. What, then, do
we make of all this? What do we call this incidence that's neither a sack nor a tackle but equal parts of both? Simple: we call it a
The name of the game is Christmas: Pete Carroll...Tree Rollins...Eric Snow...Jesus Colome...Oksana
Baiul...Angel Berroa...Matt Light...Lito Sheppard...Doug Jolley...and George Bell
Bobcats. The name of the NBA's Charlotte expansion franchise got me thinking. What about Bob? Are variably reddish cats with dark markings named
after a guy named Bob? What about bobsleds? Are they? If they are, who's Bob? And was it the same Bob who inspired the cat and the sled? Or are
these two completely different Bobs? And what about Billy? Are billy clubs, billy goats and hillbillies like bobcats and bobsleds? Are they named
after Billy? But who's Billy? And what about Billybob? What kind of a name is that? Are there billybobcats in Charlotte? And what does any of
this have to do with the NBA?
Like a soldier wounded by his own grenade, the Wizards must feel betrayed every time they lose to the Magic...
Karl Malone was never the Mailman. He was the Postmaster, and John Stockton was the Real Mailman all along. Think about it: Stockton delivered the
mail en route to becoming the all-time assist leader in the NBA, while Malone dominated the low-post by cashing in on the Mailman's timely deliveries.
Somewhere along the line, the Utah Nickname Commission dropped the ball...
Today there's a new Postmaster in Utah, and he just so happens to be a Boozer. At just 22 years of age, Carlos Boozer is defining the position that
Malone redefined throughout his eighteen years of Hall of Fame service for the Jazz. And by position I mean power forward, not Postmaster...
During a recent interview, Celtics Executive Director of Basketball Operations Danny Ainge was quick to praise Orlando Magic rookie Dwight Howard.
"He's raw but terrific," beamed Ainge. "And what a body. He reminds me of a young David Robinson, not from a basketball-playing standpoint, but from a
standpoint of...having a great body." To be clear, Ainge was referring to Howard's natural athleticism, not his manly sex appeal. But I think that's
only common sense...
Which franchise has the least remarkable name? It's hard to say, although a few of the more mindless ones come to mind. The Washington Capitals is
pretty lame. Lame like the Seattle Mariners changing their name to the Washington States. The Montreal Canadiens? Sterile, like the Vancouver Canucks.
We get it already: you're from Canada. Likewise, the Houston Texans is just as bad as the Texas Americans. The Philadelphia Phillies? Lazy. Like the
Cincinnati Cincies, the Baltimore Balties, or the New Jersey Jerseys. So if you're ever in charge of naming a professional sports franchise, just
remember: in the absence of inspiration, relevance is irrelevant...
The first guy to use sarcasm must have had a tough time getting his point across. That was a musing, and I'm Dean Christopher...
[Edited on 11/15/04 by deanchristopher]