American Football: FootBall One Liners !!

Anyone know any Football one-liners...

I know a few some are funny...


* "I know I told you that I loved you more than football, honey, but that
was during the strike."

* Our offensive line was so good that even our backs couldn't get through
it.

* Football is a game of inches, and that's how some teams move the ball.

* I thought one of the linemen had a tattoo on his leg but it turned out
to be a government meat inspection stamp.

* He's so huge, he should have a license plate instead of a number!

* The coach was marching on the field alongside the band. A majorette
threw her baton in the air and then dropped it. A fan yelled, "Hey, I see
you coach the band, too."

Our offense can't score,our defense can't stop their offense,outside of that everything is fine.(Old Tampa bay Bucs coach)

Good one Nyeff.....

I've got a few more....

* Football is a game when 22 big, strong players run around like crazy for
two hours while 50,000 people who really need the exercise sit in the
stands and watch.

* Did you hear about the world's dumbest center? They had to stencil on
his pants: This End Up. On his shoes they put, T. G. I. F., "Toes go in
first."

* I say let's make football more entertaining and give the quarterback
something else to think about. I know -- Let's arm each middle linebacker
with a coconut custard pie.

* Our quarterback knows how to do everything with a football except
autograph it.

* I gave up my hope of being a star halfback the second day of practice.
One tackle grabbed my left leg, another grabbed my right leg, and the
linebacker looked at me and said, "Make a wish!"

* Pro linemen are so huge that it takes just four of them to make a dozen.


* Our players have a lot on the ball. Unfortunately, it's never their
hands.

Ok heres a few more to the list...

* Old quarterbacks never die. They just pass away.

* We have so many players on the disabled list the team bus can park in a
handicapped space.

* This team employs their famous "Doughnut Defense" the one with the big
hole in the middle.

* He retired due to illness and fatigue. The fans were sick and tired of
his coaching.

* This year I can assure you that we are going to move the ball. I just
hope that it's forward.

* The only way they can gain yardage is to run their game films backward.

"Football is Life" - Me

Originally posted by Outlaw44
"Football is Life" - Me

A definate football fan then...lol nice one!

I have a great SuperBowl joke for you sports freaks!!!!!


_______________________________

A guy named Ron receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company.
But when Ron arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in
the corner of the stadium -- he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the
field. About halfway through the first quarter, Ron notices an empty seat
10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line.

He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and
around the security guards to the empty seat.

As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is
anyone sitting here?" The man says no. Now, very excited to be in such a
great seat for the game, Ron again inquires of the man next to him, "This is
incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the
Super Bowl and not use it?


The man replies, "Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to
come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we
haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Well, that's really sad," says Ron, "but still, couldn't you find someone
to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?"


"No," the man replies, "they're all at the funeral."

OMG LOL....

Hahaha PA thats a good un..

LMAO, where did you get that

Why does John Elway eat his cereal from a plate?
Because he's lost all three of his bowls.


Why can't John Elway use the phone anymore?
Because he can't find the receiver.

What's the difference between the Buffalo Bills and a dollar bill?
You can still get four quarters out of a dollar.

Ok heres one for ya!

A football player passes a burning building, and sees a young woman and her baby hanging out the window. The football player stops and yells to the woman, "Throw down your baby and I'll catch it!"
The woman responds, "I can't throw my baby to you, I don't know you!"

"It's okay", shouts the football player, "I'm in the NFL, I can catch anything!"

The woman yells out "OK!" and drops the baby from the top floor. Just as it reaches about 50 ft. from the ground, a gust of wind grabs the baby and sends it flying. The football player chases after it, desperately stretching, trying to catch the baby.

By this time quite a crowd has gathered. The baby is falling towards the ground. Can he make it? The football player dives, and makes the catch!

The crowd goes wild!!!

The football player gets up, yells "All Right!!!", starts dancing ... and spikes the "BABY"!

The Dallas Cowboy's name will be changed to the Dallas Tampons as they are only good for one period and don't have a second string.