Originally posted by iori_komei
I started the same way. praying to whatever may exist, to see what, if anything, would happen.
I did'nt pray to see what would happen.
I prayed because I was desperate, and it was the only thing
I could really do in the situation.
i must admit, there was a level of desperation when i made the choice to pray, however i had not exhausted all other possible options at the time.
i was working at a hospital for skilled care developmentally dissabled children at the time. one of the kids whom i was close to had recently passed
away. my fiance at the time, who also worked there, had slept with my boss, and good friend, who was a nurse there. and my best friend from high
school had been sent to prison for over a decade. there was a lot going on in my life, other than what i have mentioned.
life was challenging at that time, and still is. not only for myself, but all those who i knew, and all those who i know.
that is what was transpiring in my life at a personal level when i decided to drop down on my knees and say a prayer to a god i was not even sure
existed. i cried, and i prayed, earnestly and with all my being, that if there is something listening, some power of goodness that is alive and
greater than humanity, that it would show me guidance. give me a direction. and help me be who i want to be, not what the world wants me to be.
the words were private. every relationship with god ought to be private.
if there is a god, why are we so different from eachother?
perhaps "god" does not want the same relationship with everyone.
i don't like the word "god", personnally.
because the word "god" has sooo many different connotations, sooo many different meanings to everyone.
replace it with a different word, something everyone can agree upon.. .. . .
does such a word exist?
i think so. but, the word is not my word.
i think "truth" is a good word to replace the word "god" with. just for the sake of not conjuring up a person's thoughts and emotions when
saying "god". "god", which means so many things to so many people to the extent wars result because of it.
"truth", yes "truth".
not my truth.
not your mother's truth.
not your teacher's truth.
not your neighbor's truth.
not your lover's truth.
not your boss's truth.
not anyone's truth.
but, your truth.
seek it within you.
challenge your mind.
i promise you this:
- If you can think to ask the question, it is only because your subconscious mind already has the answers to the question you ask, but may need help
from your conscious mind to decide which truth is more acceptable.
and, when you find your truth within the recesses of your own mind .. . . .
you may find your truth is the same as your mother's truth, your teacher's truth, your neighbor's truth, your lover's truth, your boss's truth,
and anyone's truth, whether they are aware of it or not.
how can we truly know anyone else, without knowing ourselves?
everytime we judge someone else, we hold what we know about them up for comparison to everything we know about ourselves, don't we?
at any rate, after i had prayed earnestly for the first time as an adult, at age 25, reality changed. people reacted to my presence in their company
more positivley. and the stress dissipated in an instant. even when i walked, i felt lighter, as though i was almost walking on air.
i can't describe it, the words do not exist.
but, prayer for me helped.
but, i wasn't praying for god to take something from someone else and give it to me.
i wasn't praying for god to harm another for me.
i wasn't praying for a selfish thing.
i was praying for assistance in my life, i was praying for guidance, i was praying for understanding and wisdom, so i could better serve others.
helping others is the only real true satisfaction in life for me. but, all paths are important.
one should not tell you that you shouldn't go this way or that way.
one should not find you travelling in one direction and then pull you off your path and shove you in another direction.
one should not define who you are.
one should not define who you are, unless that one is you.
what right do people have to define you by their fears?
why permit yourself to be defined by their fears?
you stopped doing this awhile ago with your parents. their fears eventually stopped defining the child you were, but now we tend to still allow our
peers (friends and society) to define us, and it is their fears that define us, to a degree.
but, perhaps their fears are in conflict fundamentally with your minds core truths?
prayer is not reaching outwards, only.
prayer is reaching inwards, as is meditation.
both are forms of "defragging" your original computer, your brain.
these are some of my thoughts, hope it helps.