posted on Oct, 5 2006 @ 02:28 PM
I found these jokes on www.racinportal.com and I thought that ya'll might like 'em.
You might be addicted to NASCAR if...
If you wake up in the mornin to a alarm clock that says "Gentlemen Start your engines" with a motor sound behind it.
If you refer to going to the bathroom as a "Pit Stop".
Men, While going to the bathroom you swirl it in a left hand circle.
If you have a number painted on the side of your car/truck.
If you put a yellow stripe on the back of your teenagers car. .
If you have a conversation with any "normal" person an no matter what number they say you can name the driver.
If you only drive down one way streets so you can make a tight left turn.
If you time your self at the gas station against another person filling up your tank.
If you consider your Sunday Best to be a racing suit.
If you are in the store and "bang" another shopper with a cart so they don't pass.
If you log on to chat on the internet and your handle is anything like Wub2Race or LooseIntheCorner.
If you buy 4 new tires when you have only one flat.
If you have ever told a ex-girl/boy friend they didn't "Qualify".
If you are 1st at a stop light in traffic an you look around and think you're sittin on the pole.
If you tape the races and watch it more than one time after that.
If you are at a race and know what the lingo is on the scanners.
If you name your baby after any driver and use Dale as the middle name.
If you know all of the states and towns names of where the tracks are.
If you pass somebody by while walking an in your mind think "lapped him".
If you can remember the date of Daytona at the start of each season but not your wives/hubby birthday.
If you tell yer children they have been black flagged when they get in trouble.
If you can name the year and track of regular drivers 1st wins and not remember your wedding anniversary.
If you have gone to a auto parts store and asked for the window tear off film.
If the doors on your car/truck work fine and you still crawl in and out of the window.
If you go to Walmart once a week with your spending money and buy NASCAR ©™ related stuff.
If you save yer extra money for tickets to a race instead of a vacation every year.
If you have the NASCAR.com or RacinPortal.com website as your home page on the computer.
You run out of gas and try to explain to the cop (who's giving you a sobriety test) your weaving from lane to lane was just and attempt to get fuel
into the pickup. When you have an accident, the first thing you try to do is pull off the steering wheel. The next thing you do is blame Robby Gordon.
You're sitting behind someone at a red light, and when it changes, you yell, "GREEN! GREEN! GREEN! GO! GO! GO!"
You time yourself on your wrist watch when you pull into the self serve gas n go.
On an interstate exit ramp you stay on the outside to keep the RPM's up.
You make sure to stay under 55 when you leave the gas pumps.
You say "But officer, I wasn't tailgating, I was drafting"
You consider slower cars in the left lane as "lapped traffic"
Before traffic begins to resume regular speed on the highway, you find yourself weaving side to side warming up the tires to optimal tempature.
You can't wait for next year to see what Soap powder your favorite driver has as a sponsor because the one he's got now keeps giving you a rash.
You drive for 2 hours out to the nearest Valvoline Quik Lube.
While explaining to the officer why your car is smashed into the interstate ramps guardrail, you explain: Well, the First National Bank/ Smith Family
Chevy was running great today. That blue Ford got in behind me, loosened me up , I drifted high and the next I knew, I was in the wall, but......I
don't blame the other driver, heck, what can I say....that's racing!!
You have ever actually yelled "YOU KISS MY ***" out the window of your car when you see a car with a 24 sticker in the window.
You've ever pushed little kids to the ground at Toy-R-Us to get to the Racing Champions cars first.
You rearrange your diecasts to match the grid during cautions.
You have a mini winners circle for your dicasts.
You get caught stealing the lifesize cut out of your favoritie driver from the local convience store.
You refer to the family mini van as the "team hauler"
You hit the car in front of you, and tell the officer "Rubbin is Racin!"
You've ever seriously considered putting an "onboard camara" in your car.
You plan family vacations around race dates.
When you pass someone on the highway you refer to it as taking them on the inside.
You take your 4yr old son with you because you need a spotter.
You sign up for flu shots (at work) on Fridays so you can fake sick in order to get home in time for qualifying.
After riding behind the same two dumdums riding side by side for SOOOOooooo long, you decide to make it three wide down the front stretch, and pass
them in the emergency lane ( after looking, of course)
Your buddy is passing someone on the interstate, you're in the passanger seat yelling, "CAR HIGH!!!....CLEAR!!!"
You can get 12cans of beer, 4quarts Gatorade, and 8 sandwiches into a 14" cooler and NOT squash anything.
You think nothing of getting up at 4am, driving for 5 hours, sitting in a traffic backup for 3 hours, baking in the sun, spending 5 hours to get out
of the parking lot, driving 5 hours home, getting up the next morning at 5am, going to work on 3 hours sleep, and telling everybody what a GREAT time
Top 10 Things You'll Never Hear a Nascar Driver Say
#10 I would like to thank the Devil for my win today....
#9 - I lost because my pit crew is bunch of morons.
#8 - I could win 10 races a year too, if my sponsors weren't such a cheap bunch of......
#7 - I wouldn't feel safe, if it weren't for that restrictor plate.
#6 - You better put that down or Jeff Gordon will come over here and kick your butt.
#5 - My crew chief is an idiot.
#4 - Has anyone seen my Jerri-Curl?
#3 - We would have won, but Jesus loves Jeff Gordon more.
#2 - (In Winner's Circle) Talk Later, Pee NOW!
#1 - My car sucked today! We're taking a wrecking ball to it ASAP
[edit on 10/5/2006 by gimmefootball400]