The Perfect Job!!!!!!

So I'm sittin' here doin' some thinkin'.... So I says to myself, Self, what would be the perfect job? Hmmmmm....... The perfect job, the perfect job?......
C'mon brain do some good thinkin' here....

A Trash Man? Well you do get to pick out some really cool stuff that people threw away - you could really save money on your holiday shopping. And sometimes you can find a burger with only one bite taken out of it - that would really save on your lunch bill! But nah, I don't like flies, and bees and stuff.

A Fire Man? You get to wear that really cool hat, and boots, and get to ride on the back of that really cool red truck while petting those Dalmation dogs. And you could slide down that pole when the fire bell rings. And you could squirt people with that firehose. I bet they'd be so surprised. But nah, I don't like heat very much.

A Movie Star? Man that would be sooooo cooool! But wait, I think you have to be a Scientologist - nah forget it.

A Used Car Salesman? Nah, too hard to find those cool plaid suit jackets.....

C'mon brain, you need to do some really good thinkin' here. What would be the perfect job. Hmmmmmmm.........

Wait! I got it!
The perfect job is bein' a Pirate!
Now that's some good thinkin'!
Yep, you sail around all the time on a really cool pirate ship. You get to wear a really cool hat, and carry a big sword around all the time. You get to climb up ropes and stuff with a big knife in your mouth.
You get to drink rum all day and all night, and bury all kinds of cool treasure.
I bet a car salesman would be so surprised if you went in and picked out a car, and paid for it right then and there with a treasure chest!
Oh man! I almost forgot! You can wear an eye patch! I bet the girls would think your so cool, when you wear that eye patch. I would train that little parrot that sits on my shoulder to talk. I'd teach him to say "Arrrrrrgh Matey", and "Shiver me timbers". Oh man that is some good thinkin'!
Oh man, I just did some more thinkin'! You have those big cannons! Like when your out sailin' around, you look through that really cool telescope, and see people playin' on the beach and stuff, you could shoot one of those cannons so that a cannon ball lands a couple hundred feet away from everyone, and it would make such a big splash. I bet those people would be so surprised!

Now that is such good thinkin'!
Yep, I think I want to be a Pirate! I wonder where I could buy a Pirate ship?

So, I'm sittin here doin' some more thinkin'.......
When all of a sudden it hit's me! Man somethin' else that would be so cool about bein' a Pirate, would be, I could wear one of those fake peg legs! When I walk around the supermarket with that pegleg on, and the eyepatch, and that really big sword, I bet no one would cut in line in front of me! And I could go to the deli section where they have those little samples, and take a cracker for my parrot!
And here's some more good thinkin'!

If you ever get pulled over for speeding, you just tell the officer that my pegleg got stuck on the gas pedal, and my eyepatch blocked my view. I bet he'd feel bad and let you go!
Now that's some good thinkin'!

Yeah I think bein' a pirate is the perfect job!

So I'm sittin' here doin' some more thinkin'..........
Yep, bein' a pirate would be so cool. Like you could have one of those hooks for a hand and stuff. Man! You'd never to use a bottle opener again. Now that's handy! And you could have one of those really cool flags with the skull, and cross bones flyin' above your really cool pirate house.

You'd have to be a boss pirate. That way you could sit there screamin' "batten down the hatches!" and "secure the mizzin mast!"
What the hell is a mizzin mast anyway? I don't know but I'd have a really cool one!

And like you could play really cool practical jokes on your friends and stuff! Yeah! Like you could pretend you're really mad and make them walk the plank, and you could poke him in the butt with your really cool pirate sword. Then when he's like 2 inches from the end, you say "I was only kidding! Come on back!" I bet all of the pirates would laugh and laugh.

I wonder if there's any pirate positions in todays want ads? I gotta go check! Man! i really want to be a pirate!

Can I be first mate, I can shout things to you like "Aye Capin" and I could tell the rest of the crew to scrup the poop deck, uh unless you want to tell them that...

Originally posted by Chukkles
Can I be first mate, I can shout things to you like "Aye Capin" and I could tell the rest of the crew to scrup the poop deck, uh unless you want to tell them that...

Welcome aboard first mate chukkles! Aaaargh mayteee.
Your first order of business is to figure out what the hell a poop deck is.....
I guess we could just drilla hole in the deck and have a poop hole instead...........