When is it right to lie?

Today I was faced with a tough decision. I found out my friend too X (drug) at a party on Saturday the 23th. She got paranoid and thought everybody was mad at her for making that choice, and when I found out, I was really pissed, because this is one of my closest friends who never too anything, not even alcohol or death sticks or anything! My first reaction was to start a sort of 'intervention' thingy (she is not addicted or anything) so that we could tell her that it was wrong and convince her to not do it again, to stay on a clean path. So when I say her, she looked very depressed and (I didn't know she thought everybody was mad at her) before I could start the 'intervention' thingy my other friend told me how she felt. I was still very mad at her, but I decide to lie and tell her that it was going to be alright and that it is no big deal and that nobody is upset with her or mad. But that was a lie, but I think it was a some what, good lie. I believe this is one of those occasions that you might think it is right to lie. My mother always taught me never to lie, but I guess now there are some exceptions.

So fellow ATS'ers, when is it appropriate to lie? If any. I believe there are some. Like when a persons feelings are in danger ( Does this make look fat? --uhhh...no it looks great! ) or when a friendship is at stake, like I said before. So, reviewing everything I said, It is right to lie on some occasions, but it is tough to choose them. When you were a kid and got caught doing something (Where is your homework, Jimmy? --Uhh, my dog ate it! lol) Anyways leaving you with my final question that I have already asked a few times, When is it right to lie?

-Jimmy-

when my kids ask me if there are any more treats in the cupboard.....

Seriously, I don't know if it's ever "right" to lie, but anyone who says they don't is a liar...

PS. You don't have to tell your friend you are mad, but it would be helpful if you said you were concerned or worried that she was heading down the wrong path. Those words have less negative feelings...jmo tho...

I told her that ina different way. But still, There are some special occasions where you can lie, but I mean nbot a small lie like telling your kids that there is no more candy, but a lie that can change a whole situation.

-Jimmy-

Whenever it benefits you.

perhaps a refresher in the words of E.A. Poe " Oh what a tangeled web we weave
when first we practice to decieve."

Think about that a while and the web of deciet and mistrust you have started and where the end might be. It could end in the destruction of this friendship.

Now on to the real situation here. You said that everybody was not "mad at her" when In fact many (including yourself if I read your post right) were/are.

What right do or anyone else have to be angry with or at this person because THEY
made a choice? You can and do have a right to feel disappointment, maybe let down,
confusion,questioning/ maybe even displeasure, etc. But anger is a useless and anti productive emotion/reaction in this situation. All of us, Each and every one of us has at
some point made decisions that we regret. If you havent you have never been any where or done anything.

There are somethings in life that no amount of telling from others can replace experiencing them. two that come to mind are combat and buying a car. The later
no matter how much hype the advertisements put out until YOU actually sit in the drivers seat and feel how the seat feels,experience the leg room behind the drivers seat, how and where the various controls are you just dont know if that particular vehicle is for you.
Combat is an entire different world. No matter how well trained and prepared you are you just dont know until that first bullet just passes your ear or your buddys
guts are splattered all over your breakfast.

Now back to the current situation. Your friend made a decision now she has to decide if it was the right one or the wrong one for Her. That is something only SHE can decide. And She will sooner or later have to take the responsibility for it.

Now we come to the Decisions and actions YOU(and your Friends) took and made in response to her situation.
From what you have said many if not all of your initial reactions was to get "mad".
from this point I am going to generalize and using basic human nature theorize the course of events.
After your(this is a collective you/your) initial anger thought ran something like this
"how could she be so stupid? how could she ..., how could she.... and lastly how could she do this to ME, I..."

So instead of approaching your friend with true trust,friendship, and caring YOU chose instead to LIE to her. Instead of seeking and finding her feelings and
thoughts about the decision he made YOU chose( thats right you made the consious
decision ) to lie. Now you can look forward to somepoint in the future when the lie is revealed, how will it affect the trust that She has / had in you.

Perhaps a better answer would have been, " I cant speak for the others, But I am concerned about your decision. Can we talk about it?" This would of course required
you putting down the gameboy or xbox and actually getting involved in life.

Whenever a woman asks you "Does this make me look fat?".
Even if she resembles SHAMU, you better say, "No it doesn't!".

This thread got me thinking of how many lies parents (me included) tell their kids over their lifetime, for whatever reason. We lie about:

-Santa
-The Easter Bunny
-Tooth Fairy
-If you make a face we don't like, your face will stay that way
-If you swallow a gum, it will sit in your stomach forever
-How your favourite pet really died

I could list a lot more, but I'm feeling really guilty right now...

the best lie ever is that the ice cream man plays music when he has run out of ice cream

Just so you know X isn't addictive, and it rarely hurts anyone, just when someone does die it gets all blown way out of proportion, if the person is going to take X they should know the risks and that they sould keep themselve hydrated, if your frien done this without know the right info then its a bit dumb.

But any way you should always lie to anyone you like and tell the truth to anyone you like. Lieing isn't a bad thing, just people feel guilty for it.
Never tell you girl that dress shes wearing doesn't suit her.

Unless she hasn't worn it before and she is still in the store trying it on lol. Good posts guys/girls keep 'em coming

-Jimmy-

The only time I lie is when I open my mouth!

Bur seriously, lying totally depends on situations.
See you feel that your lie was a 'good lie' even though you are talking about not telling your friend that you were concerned to the point of being upset that she took drugs.
Wau I see it, thats not a time to lie. It only takes the first 'pill' to lead down the road of an addict.

Anyway, my personal theory on a lie is when tell the truth does more harm than the lie could....unless its a really bad situation.

That is exactly how I think of it. If the lie hurts less then the truth, then the truth be not told. That is why the govt is hiding all those consperacies lol.

-Jimmy-