Interesting dilemma....

Posting it here, to get opinions from both a male, and female perspective (though I already know the male answer here...)

Ok, here's a "hypothetical" situation:

You're a guy, and your partner is cool with (and wants) another girl involved from time to time.

A couple you are good friends with...and do a lot of things with (movies, activities, etc.) Their relationship though, has lots of issues, and they really rushed into it. However, you don't want to see them break up, and eventually they'll likely end up good together...

Now, the girl in this couple (the one you are friends with), some of her problems in the relationship, are due to lack of romance, not so great sex, etc.

She and your girlfriend really get along great, and you know that she would throw down with you and your girl in a heartbeat...(know, not just suspect)...i.e. the threesome that most guys simply dream about...

So, do you jump into having the threesome (with all agreeing to keep it secret)? Or do you try to stay honorable...???

Remember, this is just hypothetical....

[Edited on 5-11-2003 by Gazrok]

I don't think that anything good will come from this, if you do it.

Believe me, I have been involved in this.. once !

It damaged a marraige of two of my friends and a friendship between me and him.

If you love her, don't do this, keep on loving her and find new ways to make your "experiences" even better between the two of you !!

Remember, this is just hypothetical....

yeah... I was answering it as so... except the part that I was involved once.. that was true..

but otherwise, that's my hypothetical answer...

im a guy. I say don't do because if you have to keep anything secret it just ain't going to happen. If you can get the other guy to agree ("Uh, do you mind if I have sex with you girlfriend and mine, at the same time?") then go for it, otherwise, hell no. This ties into the respect you hypothetically have towards the couple, too.

[Edited on 5-11-2003 by ktprktpr]

Damn...thought so, hehe...well this "hypothetical" guy...is pretty much a good guy, so that's likely the course he'll take....maybe he'll even try to coach the friend on a little bit of romance etiquette.... and then look for a third elsewhere... The first couple has a great sex life, even without a third, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be fun....

Sex advice isn't my forte' it ranks up there with relationships/love. However I would say that unless the other womans husband OK's this type of act..I would not add water to an already troublesome fire. This would of course be a completely selfish act on you and all parties involved unless ALL people in these relationships are aware and go along eagerly and openly with this.

Perhaps finding another female preferably single might be a better way to go? Or perhaps talking to the husband maybe through hints that a swinging type experience might help and be exciting for him and his wife.??? Gosh! I dunno?? I've never done this type of thing..I'm very possessive of my sexual partners and am too in fear of the diseases out there..
Good luck!

Well, hypothetical man, is leaning towards just coaching the other guy...and giving some pointers....

Easy choice.

5 minutes of heat and passion
OR
friendship of two people in another relationship.

Mutually exclusive.

I know guys who would go either way given that "dilemma".

5 minutes of heat and passion

Hey, I object to the 5 minutes!....especially with 2 women! Hell, foreplay alone would be like triple that!

Uhmm....for hypothetical man I mean, yeah, that's it!

Seriously, I think his mind was already made up, and he was just looking for confirmation, that he was being a good friend, and not an idiot for turning down the chance....

This might sound kind of harsh but the guy should be dumped. Coaching isn't going convert him into Mr. Right in the right places if you get my meaning. And if it does it would most likely be temporary because it goes against his natural inclinations of being a no-etiquette kind of guy.

As for the 3-some thing, I think even if there is agreement on all sides on an intellectual level, once it's done, the emotional consequences may turn out negative even though the intent was positive.

Thanks for the candor... I think hypothetical man is still considering training his friend though... We are talking of a marriage here, so a breakup would involve divorce (and that would suck, as both are friends of hypothetical man). It's not that he needs to completely change, just to be reminded to be more considerate, and a little more romantic now and then...and he's capable of it, but has had limited experience (i.e. next to none) in the relationship department....

Originally posted by Gazrok
Thanks for the candor... I think hypothetical man is still considering training his friend though... We are talking of a marriage here, so a breakup would involve divorce (and that would suck, as both are friends of hypothetical man). It's not that he needs to completely change, just to be reminded to be more considerate, and a little more romantic now and then...and he's capable of it, but has had limited experience (i.e. next to none) in the relationship department....

Take it from me , threesomes are over rated.
not worth it if you're a couple.

Well this wouldn't be the first...just the first with complications.... Typically, hypothetical man has found it worth it....but in this case, I think hypothetical man will decline...

A threesome is any man's dream... but I'm reading "Sail Beyond the Sunset" by Robert Heinlein. It deals with "anything goes" shagging, and the society in it (the Howard Foundation) is absolutely permissive of anything, including incest. All they care about is Howard babies being born with the longevity gene.

But.

As much as I enjoy Bob Heinlein's stuff, I have to admit that we are human beings, not bonobos (a primate a step up from chimps that shag each other senseless...). Relationships are about trust and shared, um, emotional stuff. Yeah, sure, a threesome is great (heck, I'm a guy too! howz about a foursome?), but m�nage � trois is not a stable situation. Sooner or later somebody while get dumped and the fallout is bad. Also, it brings in problems like, er, homosexuality. For a proper 3-way, the same-gender participants have to be bisexual. Bisexuality also brings on a whole truckload of complications.

In my humble opinion, women are complicated enough as it is. Stick to one, make it last. You'll be happier and live longer. All the stats prove it.

Ah, but..let me spell it out some more... the hypothetical participants, the two females are bi-sexual, but desire primary male relationships... Believe it or not, there are some women who can be fine in a male/female relationship, and enjoy the occassional romp with another female involved...and without jealousy, etc. as at the end of everything, it's clear who is with who... This hypothetical isn't about establishing an ongoing threesome relationship, but more of an occassional tryst.

However, I believe that our hypothetical guy, will simply try and help his friend with his marriage, and put this particular threesome in fantasyland where it can't hurt anyone...though, hypothetical guy is notoriously weak when it comes to in his face sex and he wouldn't be cheating on his babe....:bash:

Ooooh-kay...

But it still spells trouble, my good man. Advise your hypothetical man that 'tis not a noble pursuit. The two damsels get cheated out of their fair share of man (emotion-wise, women think in terms of relationships, not orgasm/hour as we more practical males do).

Anyway, it won't last, unless there's a Lenin-type mistress/wife thing going on.

The hypothetical man would not ask if he were sure of his course. But he isn't which means he doesn't REALLY want to do it anyway... he scents trouble...

Sorry, I am a psych student after all. But do what you feel is best, not what we idiots suggest.

[Edited on 6-11-2003 by Lampyridae]

two damsels get cheated out of their fair share of man (emotion-wise, women think in terms of relationships, not orgasm/hour as we more practical males do).

Well, I'll disagree with them getting cheated, because you see, they'll also get attention from each other...

Also, if the other participant views it as play, not love, going into it...the threesome works fine...

However, due to the complications with this particular tryst...hypothetical man will be declining, as he respects his friendship with the nonparticipating (and unwitting) party...

Bottom line, if something feels wrong...it usually is...

Very kinky. But not disgusting.

Hmm. The playmate part is certainly intriguing.

Hmm. The playmate part is certainly intriguing.

Yep, but it's also the part that makes it work (at least for us). It would never work with a strictly straight participant, because then the jealousy would be there. But, by being a playmate with both, it's more of an equal activity, and it can be about fun and play, versus making love. The two are very different, making love, and just plain fun sex, and is long as the difference doesn't get fuzzy...it works out ok...

In this hypothetical instance though, I think the decision stands, and will have to wait till another (non-complicated) one enters the picture... He's a patient guy though, and it is a treat to look forward to, not a needed meal...