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Need a little help writing a song

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posted on Oct, 29 2003 @ 09:20 AM
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Hey Ive been toying around with this for a couple of days, I figured I might as well come to my community for help.

"nameless"

Im stuck at the moment as to what direction I should take with the lyrics. The song itself is based around the pictures of the 7 buddhist monk's who set themselves on fire in Saigon to bring the world's attention to the injustice being enforced on the people by the Diem regime (South Vietnam before the war, just in case your not up on history.)

Verse.

-See that nameless face burning out like a star
-That young man could have gone so far
-And the silent crowd
-Just watches and stares
-Its just one more life burning into the air

Chorus.

-Look at the old fool
-Starting to burn
-Seeking attention
-From the world
-And if you cant see ?
-Then your the fool ?
- ?

Verse.

-As this world watched you go up in flames
-We have forgotten
-Just why you came
-Never stopped to mourn
-Never questioned why
-I still dont remember seeing anyone cry

Chorus.

-You poor old sod,
-I hope you can hear
-With your smiling face
-And your gentle ear ?
-you have taught me so much ?
- ?
- ?

still having troubles coming up with a bridge or verse that is common throughout the song.



posted on Oct, 29 2003 @ 09:31 AM
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o.k first of all what kind of music are you into?



posted on Oct, 29 2003 @ 09:42 AM
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well I guess Indie or alternative rock



posted on Oct, 29 2003 @ 09:47 AM
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Where you have put the ? is that where you need help.
cos the song sounds fine to me.



posted on Oct, 29 2003 @ 09:54 AM
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The ? are there because Im not sure about keeping those lines or if I want to change them. Right now the main thing Im missing in the song is a refrain. The only one I could come up with is taken from another song written by the band "James"

"Poor old Johnny Yen setting himself on fire again"

But Id really like to keep my song original, even though the meaning of the above verse was really commenting on Iggy Pops career.



posted on Oct, 29 2003 @ 09:59 AM
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O.K how about

"We stood, while he burned,we cried whiled he died"
cant remeber if he did die*scratches head*



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