Unique interpertations, page 1

here are some comical reinterpertations:

You can lead a mind to information, but you can't make it think.

They had a congressional talent show. It lasted a minute and a half.

An expert is any person who can demonstrate that the truth corresponds to my opinion.

When I was young I knew everything, but then I got an education and forgot it all.

A big city freeway is merely a test track for those trying to break the sound barrier in an SUV.

How come every time Republicans mention a tax cut it feels like getting another letter from Publishers Clearinghouse?

So which is it: do we elect stupid people to political office or does politics drive people stupid?

Don't Republicans realize that their dead horse is beginning to smell?

Remember, this is America, and just because you're an idiot is no guarantee you'll be elected.

Cooking broccoli is easy. Way too easy.

I admit it, I'm as confused as a Republican playing Follow the Leader.

Republicans are against big government because they know they can't handle it.

So, when she's old and crabby enough, do you think Jessica Simpson should run for the House or the Senate?

If the President went to prison, would Secret Service agents go with him?

True justice is when doctors and lawyers can no longer afford each other.

Nothing slows you down more than your cat catching a paw in your laser printer.

My baloney has a first name, it's f-a-t-t-y.

What if you got away from it all and there was no place to stay?

If you skip reading the classifieds and feel no adverse effects, should you be really brave and try it with the front page.

Wouldn't it make more sense to pick up the trash along the highways before they mow over it and chop it into millions of pieces?

We used to have a choice between expensive cars and economy cars. Now we have a choice between expensive cars and walking.

Doctors' waiting rooms are always full of sick people. You sit there for hours, hoping you don't get "the catch of the day."

You're probably no longer middle-aged if you used to pay the same price for a gallon of gas that you now pay for a stamp.

Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train humans to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish?