I'm troubled...

OK, so I have just recently started seeing this woman. I've known her for a few years, but we were never much more than aquaintances until the past few weeks. We have a lot in common, and I think the world of her. she's raising 3 kids by herself, and was in a homeless shelter a few years back (after her loser first husband left her), but has built her life back up, and now has a nursing degree and a good job now.

The problem is, after the first tiem I stayed over at her place, the next morning her bad side showed up. She is somewhat of a bigot, and has repeatedly thrown around racial slurs while I'm around. Not having seen this side of her before, this threw me through a loop, and I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say a thing.

I'm not sure what to do, or how to approach this with her. I consider myself to be one of the most open-minded people that I know, and this bothers me. But, could it be just that she has had a rough life, and knew some peopel of other races who weren't the most shining citizens? I could use some advice here...

Originally posted by Susquehanna
But, could it be just that she has had a rough life, and knew some peopel of other races who weren't the most shining citizens? I could use some advice here...

I'm sorry. That sounds uncomfortable. Only you can decide if you want to pursue a relationship with a racist. Regardless of her reasons, only you know if it's something you will be able to overlook. I wouldn't expect her to change with time or anything like that, though.

I could never be with a person who was racist, and in fact I told my husband that on our very first date. It's important to me. It's not something I can 'overlook'. But that's different with everyone. My brother is married to a racist. I can't stand her but he gets along just fine.

One more thing... We could all justify being bigots if we wanted to. We all have rough pasts that we could hold against a race, religion or sexual orientation if we felt the need. Know what I mean?

Wondering how its going.
My advice from experience would be 'run as fast as you can'.
It wont get better, it will become unbearable. In my experience you will be unable to change those views.
Ten years down the line you will be wondering what excactly did you have in common.

When someone generalises to me I find it helps to ask 'how do you know that?' or 'why do you think that?'. The answers are usually something like 'well such and such knows someone who.....'.
Eventually they get naffed off with you and accuse you of 'trying to be clever'.
No, just want them to verify the assumptions they contain in their head.

Its all very destructive. I dont believe such differences can be overcome.

Hope you make a good choice.

Maybe her "loser" first husband saw her for what she really was.

If you are asking the question; I think you do too.

Actually, this is not happening anymore, as you say, I knew the answer, just wanted to have someone tell me that. It was fun while it lasted...