hey i wrote this tell me how you like

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posted on Feb, 7 2006 @ 03:59 PM
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this is a poems i wrote please send reveiws:

Living is boring
Inteligence brings pain
Vicious people vicious world
Everyone should enjoy it while it lasts

Meaningless pain
Everyone doesn't care
Anyone can whine
Nothing matters at all
Sleepless for no reson

Never leave
Others Hate
The One
Hates All
Incourage death
Never telling the truth
God's "allies"

and also:

Deny Ignorance
Everyone Else says your wrong
Never belive them
You must seek the Truth

Thruth is not what they say
Help yourself, seek truth
Everyone thinks your crazy

"I" ignorance is foolishness

--YOURS TRULY--

cooldude76




posted on Feb, 16 2006 @ 06:23 AM
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I am not one to critique anothers poetry...but I commend you for sharing yours.

I hardly share mine at all for fear of it being...critiqued I guess!

... and the life behind it then suffering for want... being discarded, rejected, because of perceptions...because of judgements on forms, content, words...

but I have lately wondered in such an anonymous place why there isn't a "place" to do such...either for peer review critiqueing...

...or just to set a poem free...let it breathe...by putting it out there for someone else to read...

you know?



posted on Feb, 16 2006 @ 06:29 AM
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here-this started as a poem...but after going to a party the other night it turned into a song! LOL I'll share it-because who's going to see it? LMAO



somebody shove me in front of a train
I wanna die but I can't take the blame
no I take it back I wanna live
I just can't live this god damned life I am in

Somebody take this mess away please
I've had my fill, of this l do see
I'm in a jam and I'm down on my knees
I can't make it better all it does is bleed

all it does is bleed

someone kiss my booboo and cure my disease
someone kiss the booboo...yeah...cure me...cure me

I'm swimming in sorrow, an' I'm sinking fast
tell me love lives and the pain it wont last
cuz I'm drowning in sorrow and I cannot breathe
Im wounded, I'm tired, bleeding... diseased

someone kiss my booboo and cure my disease
someone kiss my booboo...yeah...cure me...cure me

I can't take another day with you see
I've got to live with myself 'cuz your killn me
your love it's disease and it's eating at me
I've tried but I can't go on trying please see

someone kiss my booboo and cure my disease
someone kiss my booboo and cut the filth from me
cut the filth from me...cut the filth from me...
someone kiss me...cure me...cut it out of me...

I am so dis-eased...


(you know, just some lite entertainment hehehe)



posted on Feb, 18 2006 @ 01:57 PM
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Originally posted by cooldude76
this is a poems i wrote please send reveiws:

Living is boring
Inteligence brings pain
Vicious people vicious world
Everyone should enjoy it while it lasts

Meaningless pain
Everyone doesn't care
Anyone can whine
Nothing matters at all
Sleepless for no reson

Never leave
Others Hate
The One
Hates All
Incourage death
Never telling the truth
God's "allies"

and also:

Deny Ignorance
Everyone Else says your wrong
Never belive them
You must seek the Truth

Thruth is not what they say
Help yourself, seek truth
Everyone thinks your crazy

"I" ignorance is foolishness

--YOURS TRULY--

cooldude76


Hey dude, that's pretty good


Keep up the good work.



posted on Feb, 18 2006 @ 02:05 PM
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oh and cooldude, since you were looking for feedback, and I gave none, I'll add without critiquing anything, that I did appreciate your acrostic form which I point out in case people miss it, and don't get the full feel for your poetry-it is limiting, but if people realize it's acrostic, then they can see more of the beauty of the poem overall byu it's form AND content combined.

Hows that





 
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