Bush...my hero, page 1

Some interesting thoughts:

RESUME
GEORGE W. BUSH
The White House
USA
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
* I ran for Congress and lost.
* I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
* I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; company
went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
* I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that
took and used taxpayer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the
Chicago Cubs.
* With my father's help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
* I changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas
the most polluted state in the Union.
* I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city in
America.
* I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of
billions in borrowed money.
* I set the record for most executions by any Governor in American
history.
* I became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000
votes, with the help of my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
* I attacked two countries.
* I spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
* I shattered the record for the biggest annual deficit in history.
* I set the economic record for the most private bankruptcies filed in
any 12 month period.
* I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the
stock market.
* I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
* I am the first president in US history to enter office with a
criminal record.
* In my first year in office I set the all-time record for most days on
vacation by any president in US history.
* After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided
over the worst security failure in US history.
* I set the record for more campaign fund-raising trips than any other
president in US history.
* In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their
jobs.
* I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any
president in US history.
* I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month
period.
* I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than
any president in US history.
* I set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any
president since the advent of television.
* I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution
than any president in US history.
* I presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused
to intervene when corruption was revealed.
* I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused
to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
* I cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
* I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously
take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the
record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.
* I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US
history.
* My presidency is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US
history.
* Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US
history. (The 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice has a Chevron
oil tanker named after her).
* I am the first president in US history to have all 50 states of the
Union simultaneously go bankrupt.
* I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any
market in any country in the history of the world.
* I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and
military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will
of the United Nations and the world community.
* I created the largest government department bureaucracy in the
history of the United States.
* I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending
increases, more than any president in US history.
* I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations
remove the US from the human rights commission.
* I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations
remove the US from the elections monitoring board.
* I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of
congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US
history.
* I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
* I withdrew from the World Court of Law.
* I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by
default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
* I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations
election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).
* I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate
campaign donations. My biggest lifetime campaign contributor, who is
also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate
bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron
Corporation).
* I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US
history.
* I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under
attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)
* I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government.
* I took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 9/11, and in less
than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly
the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).
* I, with a policy of 'disengagement' created the most hostile
Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.
* I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the
people of Europe(71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world
peace and stability.
* I am the first US president in history to have the people of South
Korea more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North
Korea.
* I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded
government contracts.
* I set all-time record for number of administration appointees who
violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding
for government contracts.
* I failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or
alive'.
* I failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the
leaders of our country at the United States Capitol building.
* After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects.
* In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks I have successfully
prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in
the history of the United States.
* I removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any
other president in US history.
* In a little over two years I created the most divided country in
decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil
war.
* I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less
than two years turned every single economic category heading straight
down.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
* I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas
driving record has been erased and is not available).
* I was AWOL from the National Guard and deserted the military during a
time of war.
* I refused to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug
use.
* All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away
to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
view.
* All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or
bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
view.
* All minutes of meetings for any public corporation where I served on
the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
* Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding
public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
review.
* For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker
(They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for
war-profiteering.)

The resume was authored by journalist Kelley Kramer

[Authority is an illusion in the mind of govenors- Lao Tse]