Faux News Part Duex

Me and JJ(Jungle Jake) awhile back did a thing back and forth where we made up the news. I would do it from the CNN/MSNBC/Dem/Truth side and he would do it from the FOX/GOP/Republican/Lie side(See I am already doing it) and it was fun. But now in Ohio every State level Republican has commited a crime(This part I am not making up, ever since Tom Noe and other got caught embezzaling((sp?)) money from the state taxes into the Bush campaign/casting votes by dead people so Bush would win the republicans have collapsed) so I figured I would do the news again.

In your Local 69 News Room we have sent a Midget wearing a Thong and High Heels out to ask the people what they thought of the recent Indictment(true) of Governor Bob Taft. This is the first time a Ohio Gov. has been indicted while in office in history. Midget?

"Yes Bunny Man I am outside of the Main Republican HQ in Columbus and am trying to get the people's opinions. Ma'am what are your thoughts on the recent news?"

"Well he is a republican, and so far every other republican is corrupt so no surprise really. First Tom Noe, then Matthew Damschroder, Walden O'Dell, and Brian Hicks who didn't see this coming?"

"Our next interview was with a Veteran from the 1st Gulf War."

"I can't believe it. First Coin Gate funnels millions of my money into the Bush Campaign, then the Die Bold Gate gives that ass a win. My Veterans Fund has been cut so Haliburton can make billions!"

"Oh here is a nice young man coming out of the building. Sir could you give us a word?"

"Baby! Eat babies!" The republican then attacks the midget thinking he is a baby and eats him in the most brutal and horrible manner.

"Well then, applications for on the street reporter will be in our front office. Now to Blistering Heat Billy Hills."(We have a Blizzard Bill on NBC 24 so I went with that joke)

Hope JJ picks up on this, but if others would like to do the same go ahead. Leave out profanity as much as possible, this is for fun and humor, not anger and such.

The Gov. has given a press conference, well, his lawyer did.

"Sir are there any ethics violated in these cases?"

"No Comment, tap dance, look at my feet they are shiny."

"Sir will the Gov. resign over this?"

"Tappity Tappity Tappity Tap Tap Tap."

Sir will the Gov. face jail time? Each charge has a maximum of 6 months in jail right?"

"Don't ask questions and we won't lie, Tappity Tap."

"How long will this case take?"

Lawyer breaks out into the song from Chicago.(Great movie)

Meanwhile, in other, similarly insane parts of the news media...

Republicans Attempt Crafty Ploy Misdirecting Voter Fraud Probe In Ohio
Lyine Rather, BS News

AKRON, Ohio -- In what is quickly becoming the most fiendish and crafty misdirection ploy in the history of American politics, the GOP committed mass voter fraud under the guise of the DNC.

Realizing that they had no way to fairly win the election, the Republican party, headed by Supreme Ruler and Overmind Karl Rove, had to come up with something fast to continue their fascist style of government. Knowing they would be under close scrutiny by the honest and honorable progressives in the Democratic party for stealing an election by using something so petty as the Constitution as justification, Rove knew they had to be careful.

What Rove planned displays his malicious cunning and his witch-like abilities to see the future. In 1992, Karl Rove planted many GOP operatives into low level positions, including one operative who went by the code name Barbara Boxer. Rove's advise to her to gain a rise in power was disturbingly wise. "Be shrill," an unnamed source explained. "Anything we do, freak out and be extremely shrill. Stretch the truth, and if that doesn't make you sound insane, flat out lie. You will rise in power in the DNC if you do this, and by 2004 you will be one of the most powerful senators in the nation."

Other operatives did not attain such lofty positions, but were instead integrated into Kerry's campaign in 2004 for the President of the United States. Rove then ordered the campaigners to start using the phones in the local DNC offices of Ohio to start calling Republicans and telling them the election had been postponed a day or else their district was moved to another one. At the same time, Rove's covert group funded by Rovophile George Soros, MoveOn.org, was ordered to harass voters who said they would vote for Bush as much as possible to throw off the polls and to intimidate Republicans from voting.

On the surface, this seems counterproductive. Many Republican groups filed lawsuits against the Kerry campaign for its supposed dirty political tactics and won many. That all took place after the election, though. The true damage took place before the election.

Ohio's local DNC offices witnessed this behavior calling registered Republicans and sending them to places where they would not be able to vote and demanded they stop. When the operatives continued to do this, they actually kicked the Kerry campaign out of their offices. Score one for the Republicans.

That was just the tip of the ice berg, though. Upon witnessing this seemingly commendable behavior, many wishy-washy moderate DNC workers were appalled at their party's tactics and either refused to vote or voted for Bush. They also started talking to friends and relatives and the word got out to the wishy-washy non-progressive democrats who flip flopped and voted for George Bush, sealing the election.

Karl Rove was not available for comment on this issue, he continued to lair in his Castle Of The Children's Bones directing the universe from his chair. John Kerry said, "I am so saddened to hear this. I just wanted a fair election. Did I mention I was in Vietnam?"

The Bush administration has been silent about what repercussions Karl Rove will dole out to himself.

[edit on 8-18-2005 by junglejake]

[edit on 8-18-2005 by junglejake]

[edit on 8-18-2005 by junglejake]

Back at Local News Station 69 we have the latest in the scandal!(Bob Taft gave a statement, I watched it, now for the twisting/stretching)

"Bob Taft gave the statement today saying that no matter what happens he will not falter or resign. After the normal republican breakfast of baby meat and goats blood he said he will accept whatever punishment the people give him as long as it isn't jail, or a fine, or any punishment, that there is nothing wrong with accepting bribes from big business, after all the President does it."

Breaking News....

"This just in, Karl Rove has left his lair in his Castle Of The Children's Bones to address the issue of his exposing a CIA agent. Many believe that this is a ploy, a Misdirecting Ploy, to take the heat of Bob Taft and Tom Noe, and Brian Hicks, and every other State Level Republican. It seems to be working as I am going to be cut off so those pompous A-Holes from the New York branch can-."

"Damn local hicks, we are the big boys, and girl, we get to cover this even though we have never been to Ohio. Hi I am Ran Dather with Rookie Coberts on the recent speech given by the Spawn of Satan Karl Rove. Here is just a small clip."

"I may have exposed some liberal agent who could have been killed but hey, they were a liberal so they deserve to die. The Boss says I have to do this so I will say sorry to the people, sorry that the only smart republicans are me, the boss, and that traitor John McCain. I swear that guy thinks he can be a republican and for the people. Anyways, the Boss has had some heart problems lately so he told me to keep the Dumbass in check. Last time that idiot spoke without the Bosses permission he said "Mission Accomplished". SHould have shot him for that but the Boss says he is happy being behind the scenes."

"Wow so republican. At least no one gave the Hitler salute like the last time The Evil One spoke. We now have the response from a democrat."

"Many people feel that Karl Rove should be punished for his actions and he should, but not how they want him to. First of all can he be given the Death Penalty? We are not sure he is alive so even if he did get the death penalty we don't know if he could be killed. But the Death Penalty is wrong in any circumstances. Now lets go on about my new abortion plan..."

"Sorry but we need to go to commercial. Damn liberals, no death penalty but support abortion."

"Hey no man has the right to tell me what I can do with my body!"

Rookie Coberts attacks Ran Dather.

Technical Difficulties, Please Stand By.

Of course. All of it makes perfect sense...Right. Trying to shift the blame to the GOP for the underlying currents of the DNC is flat out Naive, and even worse for you to post this. However if I understand it being placed under Collaborative Fiction. Then it is appreciated as Satirical Irony, and now with the Edit I understand it. I am so, so very Dense.

[edit on 21-8-2005 by AeroQuake]

Check the link for Lyine Rather, BS News, too That pretty much gives all the evidence for voter fraud, but it's not the way many people seem to want to believe -- it's saying it was Kerry who committed it, not Bush.

Definately satire on my part. James can expland on his part, but I'll just say that, so far as I know, he believes his intro and tries to make it even worse with statements like

"Baby! Eat babies!" The republican then attacks the midget thinking he is a baby and eats him in the most brutal and horrible manner.

hehe So I'm being satirical, JTL's being extreme. Please, if you'd like to participate, go right ahead. The more the merrier! IT's time to make fun of the news!