Her mom was a bitch, a controlling, caniving bitch, she brought her up authoritarian style, demanding, controlling, scaring her, or beating her. Not
alot, just enough to get through to her, yelling in her face, spitting while she yelled, not allowing her to escape to her other world outside of the
home. She lost alot of friends, she lost her father young, she lost her dog that got hit by a car, that wasn't what did him in, it was her mother's
choice to put him down, she doesn't want to care for him after her father left because she didn't make the choice to get him, just went along with
A miserable life, a mother that's screwed, it really turned her into a schrewed. It's hard to be fair when you didnt grow up with that trait, it's
hard to be happy when you didn't grow up with that, it's hard to be content when your not sure what to expect next, she confided in me at an early
age, she didn't really have anybody to talk to about it, her father carried on with different relationships and put her on the backburner, she
distanced herself from her friends because they were happy and it made her feel uncomfortable, she didn't know how they could be happy and content
all the time. It was strange, it was abnormal.
She left home at 16 to escape her personal hell, she could take no more of her controlling mother. She lived with a guy who was 4 years older then
her, in a complex in a run down part of town. She didn't care though, it was bliss for her, she was on her own and learned what she thought she
missed out on for all those years. She couldn't keep up because she didn't know what self responsibilty was, while her mother was a controlling
bitch, it included the part about her working, her mother wanted to do everything for her, didn't push her to get a job, instead her mother wanted
her home, doing house chores and spending time with her because she was upset her husband left. She was selfish in all areas of her life, and made her
daughter suffer along side with her. So because she couldn't take care of herself on her own she had to move back.
Of course her boyfriend let her go told her there were many other guys out there that would love to be with her, and that tore her apart, she didn't
care about the other ones, she wanted him, only him, and he let her down, just like her father did. She had nobody real, nobody that could show her
what love was, nobody to laugh with, cry with, make love to, and live with.
She was back in hell, her sadness turned to anger, and she turned into a little devil. She moved out again this time she took the easy way out. She
told me it was the only way that she could stay sane, she going nuts at her mother's house, she saw ad for help in the paper, it was dancing, she
took her one friend that had a wild streak in her, and they dared to do what every parent fears the most for their children. She joined society's
underworld, made lot's of money, was finally living free, was able to be herself, express her anger and sadness through drugs and partying, dancing,
and promescuity, it was a release, she felt so good, but yet still felt bad. Soceity's view of this kind of work was lingering in the back of her
mind, she actually had a conscience.
After the summer ended, her and her friend had a falling out, they each went their seperate ways, and back home she went again. hating every minute of
it, despising her mother day after day, again, she felt like she was losing her mind, she needed another escape. This time it more sexual, it was
promiscuous, it was prostitution. She joined an agency close to her home, the mistress promised her great things, lot's of money, lot's of
attention, lot's of support. She took advantage of a broken winged bird, and she knew it. And she knew it, but she didn't care, she wanted an
escape. And she got it.
So shortly after her escape from her house, she got herself alittle place in town, it was exciting this time, no friend to live with her, make a mess,
sell drugs in her home, she was going solo. But misery would soon follow again. She didn't take care of herself, she didn't know how, men were
treating her like nothing more then an object, a mindless hole to screw for a few bucks. She felt invalidated, but she knew it was her choice, she
didn't think a low paying job could pave the way for the life she wanted to attain.
She thought short term, no matter how sad her job made her, she found release from all these horrible feelings through clubbing with her friends,
dancing the night away, falling over drunk onto strange men who wanted a girl to latch on to. Laughing so hard she finally felt good, she didn't know
why she was laughing, she knew everything was spiriling out of control in her life, her decisions, her family, her lack of priorities, everything was
in shambles, but when she was out, everything was forgotton, and that felt good to her.
A miracle came on day soon, her father of all people sat her down and told her how much he loved he; "My sweet little girl, what are you doing to
yourself?" she broke down in tears and yelled at him saying, "daddy, you asshole, you were never there for me, you were never ever there when I
needed you most, you wanted an escape from that bitch of a wife you married, but while you escaped her, you escaped me, left me with her, and screwed
me up. You didn't care about me while you out on the prowl living it up with your girlfriends, and now you want to be my dad again?"
"Oh honey, my baby girl, i'm so so sorry, I didn't know what you were doing, I knew I should of been there for you and i'm sorry, I just needed to
frinally live, she suffocated me as much as she did to you, I needed to free myself, again, I was selfish and i'm sorry, I want you to come and live
with me..Come home, a real home, with a real family, who loves you."
While she knew it was too late for him to parent her and teach her the valuable lessons a parent should teach, she accepted because at that time she
just really needed to be loved..Valued...Cherised, and adored.
She called me up a few days after she moved in and said how great things were, she was so happy to have her dad back, it wasn't the same when she was
little though, no basketball games to play, to helping him out in the garage, no valuable lessons that needed to be taught because it was too late.
She told me they cooked together, and did small things, but she knew that he felt bad for her, and that made her feel worse, it was almost like he
pitied her she said, she said this whole thing is hopeless, "i'm never going to have the kind of life a regular child had, i'm never going to learn
the valuable lessons a person needs to learn, I need to go, I have to go out on my own, and learn things the hard way, even if I get it wrong, I need
to do this for myself, I hate men, I don't trust women, i'm all alone, and that's ok. I have you and my few other friends, but your just that, I
need to experience things the right way, I will keep in touch and let you know how i'm doing, I love you."
Since that day, I never heard from her again, her father said she moved to another city, and that she was putting herself through school. He didn't
talk to her much because she felt he didn't really have a part in the most valuable times of her life, so apparantly that made him not much of a
father. I miss her.
(Whew! when i'm in an angry mood, writing a negative story with a happy ending, seems to make me feel better lol) hope you enjoyed!
[edit on 22-7-2005 by TrueLies]