I always liked summer , despite the blistering sun , there’s always a creek or stream to splash around . another thing I love about summer , other
than the obvious fact that it’s a vacation and school is out , is that my birthday is on the first of June , and my birthday is always the
highlight of my year .
This summer however , there will be no party , well I guess you could count a funeral as a very sloppy party , no one’s crying at least , I guess my
mother wasn’t very popular .
I myself didn’t cry , I wanted to really , but I guess my eyes thought better of it .
“ I’ve got something for you ” dad said gleefully at the car door , and then he pushed a crudely wrapped box into my hands , the box had a
queer smell about it .
“ well ? what are you waiting for ? open it ” , hesitantly I ripped the top , and the smell became a stench . at first I thought it was a stuffed
animal , all I could see is fur , then after pulling it out I realized in disgust what it was . “ I stuffed your mother’s head for you * giggle *
now your mommy’s a mummy ” great “ now if you miss her , you could hug it or something ” .
the gentleman driving the car wore a smart black suit and sunglasses – like all mysterious gentlemen – with it a stern face .
“ I’m sorry about your parents Mr. Smith , but they were not well ” he said in a professional sounding voice . “ it’s ok ” was all that I
managed to cough up , I wasn’t used to grownups calling me Mister , and I knew that my parents weren’t well .
they weren’t always like that you know , we were once an average family , my dad and average Joe – Joe was his actual name – and mom a typical
housewife , then some changes happened . my parents started spending a lot of time on the computer – the one they got me for my last birthday I
might add – and talking for hours about subjects I never knew them to care about , such as flying saucers , politics , and strange things I don’t
recall . I once saw mom put the cross on the table and talk to it for hours .
we lived in the middle of nowhere , the town where I went to school , and where dad goes to work everyday , is a 2 hour drive , and I guess my parents
where never really liked enough to be visited . so I had no friends out of school , and in the long , hot , summer days I either explore the woods ,
or – when it got interesting – watch what my parents are up to .
“ where are we going ? ” I asked the gentleman , “ someplace nice ” was the last thing he said until we reached the destination . it was a
cute little house in the middle of nowhere not unlike our own , that he dropped me in front of , and drove off .
staring at the screen door , and peeling paint , I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing here . behind me the gentleman’s car pulled over once
again , dropped my smelly box – I was hoping he’d keep it – and drove off .
there was a doorbell , but when I tried to ring it nothing happened . so I pulled at the screen door , expecting it to open with the familiar screetch
of all screen doors , surprisingly it opened silently .
I walked in , everything was so typical I won’t bother describe it . “ hello ? ” there was a TV on , and someone was watching it , all I can see
was a beanie . “ come in come in Mr. Smith DING ” the person sitting in the couch turned around , it was a very goofy looking frog , wearing
nothing but a beanie . “ welcome to my home BING ” it smiled broadly , showing square teeth , which is unnatural for a frog , as if anything else
about this made any sense.
“ I see you recognized me ? ” it said , “ no sorry ” I was a little embarrassed . “ but you must know me , does this ring a bell ? ” he
took a sitting position like that you take when riding a horse . ew I wish that it’d wear something . “ sorry ” “ * sigh * it’s no problem
, it’s the hat , I lost my old one ” it had a look heavy with disappointment , “ but where are my manners ? you must be very thirsty ” and
this frog was absolutely right , it disappeared for an instant inside the kitchen – of course there’s a kitchen – and emerged with a large jug
of cold water that I gulped down to the last drop .
“ and now , I’m sure you want to know why you’re here ? ” I nodded , this will probably be very interesting .
“ have your parents been particularly interested in the internet lately ? ” , this was an understatement . “ yes” I replied , “ and have
you noticed any other change in their behavior BAM ?” again an understatement .“maybe” the shrill creature was getting on my nerves . it
twiddled with it’s beanie . “ you Mr. Smith have been selected by the board ” it gave me one of it’s toothy smiles , “ your parents were not
ready for the change , but obviously they have excellent offspring DING DING ” , I didn’t know if I should be scared or flattered .“ do you
still have your mother’s head ?”, how did it know about that ?, “ I think it’s outside” I said , “ bring ING it please” . so I went
outside and brought the dreaded box , after shooing away a crow that was intently pecking it . “ good boy, now take it out” , I pulled out my
mother’s head by the hair , and noticed that her eyes were replaced by ping pong balls with a black spot on each , my dad obviously tried his best .
“ give me the head ” without asking questions I gladly handed it over , it held the head with both hands like a football . “ now you must
understand something , have you ever watched water world ?” it asked , “ no” again the disappointed look , “ alright , are you familiar with
the concept of evolution ?” “ well,” I replied “ I know that people weren’t monkeys , and Darwin was a madman”, back when my parents were
normal , they were strict Christians , and they felt very strongly on the subject . “ BING you speak rubbish , but I see that you know who Darwin
is” “ WAS” I was being a smartass , “ BING BING , IS and Elvis too” he retorted , I didn’t argue , it would’ve been fruitless “the
truth is” he continued “ the next step in human evolution is becoming amphibians” this frog is crazy. “don’t look so skeptical , your own
parents were only a step away from becoming like me” I felt my ears getting warm , “ my parents were not becoming TOADS” I knew I would strike
a nerve with this . “ BAM I’m a FROG” he croaked “ anyway take a look”
he pushed one of mother’s ears forward , revealing what looked like long red worms , I felt sick . “ these are gills” as if explaining what they
are made things clearer “ you’ve seen newts before ? these are just like a newt’s gills” . now he was talking in Greek “ the human genome
is programmed to go through certain transitions at certain historical events , it’s all preplanned by the supreme power” , I had no intention to
find out who or what he meant by the supreme power , “ however , some of us underwent the change before we’re supposed to” it looked grave
saying this. “there are more of us than you expect , but we keep our identities secret .” he paused . “ do you know what website your parents
visit most frequently ?” “ATS?” I asked , “ yes BING smart boy , and what does that stand for ?” “ above top secret” I answered “
well that’s our public name , but the actually it’s Amphibians Too Soon , we created this site for various reasons , first is monitoring public
opinion , what they really know , and we do what we can – through controlled shifting of rumors – to shun anything that arises suspicion to our
“ well , why did my parents go mad ?” I had to ask , “ BAO hmm your parents … we miscalculated with them. They were not ready… not ready at
all” this was getting boring , “ what do you want from me ?” “ah , yes BING , well if you accept , your life will change forever , but now is
not the time , you need to train , believe me BING patience is a virtue BAM ask your parents…..” It paused for a long time , absently holding the
head in it’s hands , if that’s what they call them , and then after what seems like ages it said : “ go sit at the computer there around the
corner” , I had nothing better to do so I did , the computer was on . “ ok BING , are you ready ? BING of course you are , brave boy , brave boy .
ok login to the site we both know very well” . so with trembling hands for the first time, I typed in what my parents did hundreds of times :
And then … well , maybe later , this is a short story after all.