What am I to do.........Help

I know some of you don't like reading long stories about other peoples problems but this problem is serious for me and I see nothing but fear, pain, and death in my future. It all started last year march when I was 17. My mother noticed I had a large protuding hump on the right side of my back. My sister immediatley knew something was wrong because she was a massage therapist. I visted the doctor and he immediatley knew I had scoliosis. The doctor sent me to another doctor where I had x-rays taken and they showed I had 3 curves in my spine. One at the top of my spine where my neck is that was a 5 degree curve to the right slightly. The other curve was the "major" curve which was 50 degrees and the other curve was near my waist and was a 34 degree. The doctor told my mother I had to have surgery on my spine and have a spinal fusion on the main curve which was 50 degrees. On April 24th, 2004 I went to the shriners hospital for my spinal fusion. I was very nervous though I didnt show it. I stayed the night at the hospital to awake at 4 in the morning for the surgery to begin. The surgery lasted 7 1/2 hours and was a successful spinal fusion. I was recovering at home and did my school work at home for the next month of school which was May. SUMMER is here! YAY! Sure enough around june or july I was up and about hanging out with my friends because I felt like I was just unleashed I partied alot which I wasnt supposed to. Sadly for the past year I have been expiermenting with marijuana and I fell in love with it because it made me forget about my back and the pain. I didn't thik about consequences of smoking it or if it even did affect my back. Just recently I looked at my back in the mirror and I noticed a small hump similar but smaller to what it looked like back in 2004. Everytime I look down at my ribs and suck in my belly I can notice my ribs arent evenly aligned like they should be. Every night while I'm laying in my bed I think about what to do what to expect etc.
Now I will tell you my problem and my fear.
I recall before my surgery somone mentioning that the hospital that I was getting my surgery from was absolutley FREE because its a childrens hospital and if I was over 18 at the time the surgery could cost ALOT of money. When you turn 18 you are no longer a child and well..... I'm 18 now.
I worry that if my back has worsened (and I sense it has) that I might have to have surgery once again.
I worry how much it will cost and can my parents afford it?
I worry about what I should tell my mother the cause of my back worsening.
I fear that I will go to the doctor with my mother and only to find out I need another surgery and I could not bare to see her concerned face. I only now realise how well my mother treated me during those months of recovering, how she sat by my bedside and made sure that I had everything I needed when the nurses weren't around. I remember the few nights in the hospital bed when I felt so alone because my mother wasn't there because of work. I don't know what to do. Should I tell my mother everything? Should I tell her I need a doctors appointment? Again I am very scared. Every night these thought run through my mind and worry me. But most of all I'm not scared for me. I'm scared for my mom and all of my family. I can't even imagine what it would be like to make my family go through all that again and the constant worrying because during the operation I could die.
Sometimes I cry myself to sleep just thinking of how well everyone treated me and helped my on my recovering only for me to get out and party. I stopped smoking marijuana 2 days ago and I'm positive I'm done with it. Now I'm pondering my next move.
Please give me some advise. Thank you for your time.

IndridCold, I cannot offer any real advice but just to suggest that in my opinion I really shouldn't think that the use or marijuana has caused the harm you might be worrying about. So you can at least free your mind of that worry.

As for the rest, hopefully this reply and bumping the post back up, will lead to someone who can be more help than I.

Jack

let me also stress that i dont believe that the smoking marijuana has caused any problems with your back, I would say thought that you need to stop smoking it now, so that your blood is clear from it..

I feel for you and your worrys, but what you have can not be helped.

You never chose to have this, you cant change it,

But you need to get it early, leaving it will only make it worse and intern may cost more money!

You need to tell your mom about the lump. I know you dont want to but its a must......

another thing i have learned through life is to take each step at a time, and deal with things one step at a time, There will always be a way of getting round something, you just have to look hard,

your near 18 maybe you can get a job... save a little money up.. so when it comes to paying you can add a little to it,

But again i stress, Tell your mom ASAP....

Just go have the doctor look at it first...if it does turn out your condition is back, then you will have to consider the money issue...until then, you shouldn't worry about it, just get it checked out. Oh, and smoking pot isn't going to do anything to your back, you have that from genetics. And for pain relief, I would advise you to keep smoking if it helps..but just have a doctor check you out first before you start worrying..

[edit on 5-5-2005 by Shoktek]