(ACSS) The Last Atlantian.

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posted on Apr, 12 2005 @ 07:37 PM
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The Last Elder of Atlantis sat quietly on his favorite bench in the hills over looking the city. Warm spring air hushed by as if to respect his solitude, The sun set slowly towards the far horizon. The sadness in his heart was not of regret, but the sadness that inevitably comes with goodbyes.

He knew that by sunrise the residents of this magnificent city would be well into their journey home. The city itself would be no more and he would be alone with the true knowledge of this nights events.

“Master?” The voice came from behind, slightly to his right, yet he knew instantly whose voice it was.

Turning to face his old friend Jaron, He motioned to the seat next to himself, a welcome to an old friend and a chance for a final farewell. Jaron took the seat offered and looked deeply into his old friends eyes.

“Tell me the rumors are not true,” He began, then stopped. He could not go on with the thoughts that were forming in his mind.

“I suppose all rumors are true somewhere, at sometime.” The Elder replied.

“The people are saying you have left Atlantis for the last time. They are saying that you won’t be going with us when we leave this night. This cannot be true.” Jaron had more to say but the Elder motioned with his arm as if to dismiss his thoughts, so he stopped.

After a moment of pondering the elder began to speak as kindly as he could to his friend.

“I am eleven hundred years old.” He began. “ As an elder I have the right to choose the time and place of my passing to the next level. Surely you wouldn’t deny me such an honor.”

“I would not.” Jaron replied, “I would just choose a different way. When your people have left for the stars and the city has crumbled into the earth, you will be alone. With out the power of this place you will fall victim to the balances of this world. You will age, you will grow feeble and you will slowly die. You must choose another passing.”

“The choice I have made did not come easily.” The Elder replied. “I’ve known this day would come for over two hundred years. My decision is final.”

“Once the gate has closed and the city fallen, there will be no way for you to change your mind. Even if you did no one would be able to come for you.” Jaron’s voice was barely a whisper, as if he felt shame in the very conversation itself.

“This I know.” The Elder replied. “It’s one of the very reasons I made the decision.”

Rising to his feet the oldest of the Antlantians appeared to be no more then his mid thirties when compared to human beings. Still strong and agile in body, only in his mind had existence become a weary burden. He lifted the ragged bag that held the only possessions he would keep in this world and walked slowly towards the path that would lead him away.

Jaron was quickly at his side. “You realize you can never tell your human friends about Atlantis?” He asked.

“I can never tell them the secrets of Atlantis.” The Elder replied. “But I can let them know that we once were. There is a difference.”

“And to those you leave behind? What do I tell them about this decision you have made? There will be questions when we get home and you are not among us.”

Motioning towards the sun that now set low on the horizon the master replied. “Tell them I fell in love with the way the sun sets in this world.”

Jaron could not believe the words he had heard. “You want me to tell them you made this decision on something as trivial as a primitive planets sunsets, something that is subject to the whims of the weather? How can I say that?”

“I wasn’t talking about the weather,” He replied, “I really wasn’t even talking about the sun.”

With a smile the last elder of Atlantis, Plato, turned away from all he had known and began the journey on the path to his own mortality.


Wupy




posted on Apr, 12 2005 @ 08:35 PM
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really awesome! you ever think about writing a book or something? Like the rise and fall of atlantis or something? your stuff is awesome!



posted on Apr, 12 2005 @ 09:39 PM
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Originally posted by Kushi_Master
really awesome! you ever think about writing a book or something? Like the rise and fall of atlantis or something? your stuff is awesome!



Thank you for the kind words my friend. I do appreciate them. It is very seldom in this forum that anyone can even get a reply.

I'm afraid I couldn't write a book about Atlantis though. The only thing I actually know about it is it was mentioned by Plato and people have been searching for it ever since.

The contest was announced yesterday and I decided it would be a good topic to write about. It's just a story.

Love and light,

Wupy



posted on Apr, 13 2005 @ 04:32 PM
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What contest? There's a contest? Count me in!



posted on Apr, 13 2005 @ 06:43 PM
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Originally posted by Kushi_Master
What contest? There's a contest? Count me in!


Yes. Go to the short stories forum and look for the post from Worldwatcher. She set it up the day before yesterday. It only runs till May 11th so you might want to check out the rules pretty quick.

Love and light,

Wupy



posted on Apr, 13 2005 @ 07:26 PM
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That was good!



posted on Apr, 23 2005 @ 08:40 PM
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And the competition is on..... See you in the ring wupy!!!!



posted on May, 12 2005 @ 02:39 PM
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Oh this was good. To start off, some of Jaron’s lines were unnatural, and felt a bit contrived. You did, however, capture the voice of the elder/master fantastically. The story and dialogue moved with each other, and wove in and out seamlessly. Tell them I fell in love with the way the sun sets in this world.” That line was amazing, truly prodigious. This was a really well written story.




I just liked the classic writing style and twist without being so obvious about it. It fit the assignement well.




perfect for the topic, writing was good, dialogue could be tweeked, but overall an excellent entry



posted on May, 13 2005 @ 09:27 AM
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Very nice. Definitely a very good story. Dialogue wasn't what most people would consider normal, but then again it was all quite consistent throughout. I thought that it may have been a little stilted, but I like speeches like that, where it seems overly proper, almost unnaturally poetic. Very stylistic, and it conveys the feeling of a different age entirely by being so different from modern day English.



posted on May, 13 2005 @ 06:44 PM
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Yea, I've been told my prose need to be reworked. It was fun entering and I look forward to the next challenge.

I won't make the same mistake I made with this story though. I read about the contest, thought about a story for a day and came home from work and jammed this out in an hour. Then posted it. I'm surprised I finished in the top three.

Whatever the next contest is about, I plan on spending much more time working on the story before I submit it.

Love and light,

Wupy



posted on May, 28 2006 @ 02:00 PM
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Good job making the top 3! I liked the story too btw.



posted on Jun, 1 2006 @ 05:44 PM
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Thank you for the kind words my friend. Its very rare to get a compliment on a story that was posted over a year ago. I appreciate it.

wupy





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