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Star Wars (chapter 1) my way

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posted on Mar, 18 2005 @ 04:31 AM
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chapter1:

I awoke to the ships loud bells riging in my ear i toke a few mins. to regain conciousness. While i look around wondering what all the hubub was all about. "Hey, you private" I yelled as I was getting trying to get dressed " What happened" " We've been ambushed" as he said trying to get air in his lungs " the capt. needs you at the dock immediatley" he added.

As i got to the door of the dock I could hear the sith getting closer with every blaster shot there came a loud yell and then a thump. I opened the door to the dock then yelled at one of the techs to seal the doors. "so commander carth what is this mission you want me to go on"I asked " Well you know that the sith are after the jedi master Kang" saying with a certain sterness in his voice" Yeah well we need you and one other person in this room to take him to corusaunt we will deal with the sith that will try to pursue you just get him there safely"he yelled trying to get over the alarm system in the ship " we need Ham Sola he has excellent piloting skills and is great with a blaster."


As we departured ham yelled two bogeys coming in quick i immedeatly knew to get on the gun turret and bust some caps. As the last fighter was coming in to get us ham got the coordinates to a nearby planet that had the nessacery parts to fix century falcon. When we jumped into hyperspace i nearly flew out the window since he didn't tell me we were hyper jumping i didn't strap my self in which the next day i felt the effects of.


We finally found the planet being it is so small and it is a all city planet we had trouble locating it. Prompt to landing we were confronted by a madalorian named manolore saying if we don't move we would have a freighter turning our small vessel into scrap metal. After 5-6 mins. of debating we came to an agreement that i would have the launching pad for 100 credits and he would reschedule the freighter landing. The city is vast and filled with people, lights, clubs and more. We decided to hit the sack at a local mohel for the night.




chapter 2 is coming soon this is my first short story so i hope you like it and if you guys got any thing to help me improve it would very much appreciated constructive criticism accepted




posted on Mar, 18 2005 @ 05:54 PM
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I used to be a huge fan of starwars books. You should expand on it- develop your characters and maybe detail the conflict more so that we can put ourselves into the story kind of, you know? (also if Ham Sola is supposed to be Han Solo, I am almost certain that you won't be sued as long as you don't attempt to sell this work, so you could go with the real names if you felt so inclined.

Keep it up



posted on Mar, 18 2005 @ 09:52 PM
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Pretty good story. It's got potential.



posted on Mar, 18 2005 @ 09:52 PM
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hey vaga thanx man i read your stories they are awesome i hope to see ya around



posted on Mar, 18 2005 @ 09:53 PM
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Originally posted by cpr12r
Pretty good story. It's got potential.

yeah i think i am gonna keep going with this story i'll keep you posted on the next segment of this



posted on Mar, 18 2005 @ 10:01 PM
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Hmmm maybe a new character Cpr12r2d2



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