The great light bulb conspiracy

Q: How many ATS members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that it is part of the light bulb conspiracy that it burned out in the first place.
7 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
8 to post alternate theories on the light bulb conspiracy.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to claim that William Cooper was killed for changing a light bulb.
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
3 to post links to articles on Rense about the great light bulb conspiracy.
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
4 to post that light bulbs should never burn out on their own.
1 to post theories on how HAARP is causing our light bulbes to prematurely burn out.
2 to claim that Telsa invented a light bulb that never needed to be changed.
1 to post a link to a light bulb that has been lit for over 100 years.
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
4 to point out that there has been no statistical change in the light bulb failure rate in the past 30 years.
1 to post that light bulbs are made by the illuminati and that they emit mind control EM waves when lit.
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, just to add "Me too"
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
3 to post links to similar thread on ATS
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again

Ummmmm
Great Observations.. it is funny... but thats how we get the 360 on everything.. everyone has their say .. hahaha

Nice post Howard, you get my Way above for the month...if that means anything to you.

I'm more of a 'The light bulb has been lit for 100 years kind of guy'.

Originally posted by HowardRoark
Q: How many ATS members does it take to change a light bulb?

You left out the users that post about how ancient Egyptians had light bulbs to power their subterranean supercomputers. They should be fairly represented as well!

Thanks I forgot about the Egyptian light bulbs.

If only you poor souls would evolve you could reach the point that I have reached - I found the secrets to the universe right here on the net. I am now enlightened and I do not need light bulbs at all.

I could tell you how to achieve this, but I think you'll do better if you find out on your own.

Great post Howard...

Left out a couple...

1 poster to say" Well if you would quit using electricity and use candles, you would'nt need to change the light bulb after all"...

All posters attack that poster by saying "Why are you even posting that ? You're using electricity just by posting that kind of crap from your computer"...



[edit on 7-3-2005 by Jedi_Master]

Excellent job Howard but one fairly significant omission.

I read it thoroughly, I scanned it with my search function and I did not find ONE single reference to Bush. !?!

Respectfully, at least 7 members would claim it was Bush's fault the light bulb burnt out in the first place and therefor, his responsibility to change it.

That guy HowardRoark is just a paid shill of the Department of Lightbulb Security.

Originally posted by HowardRoark
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again

Damn funny! Especially that last line.


To satisfy Soficrow here is one I ran accross a couple of weeks ago:

How many Bush Administration Officials does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: NONE

There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; it's conditions are improving every day.

Any reports of its lack of incandenscence are delusional spin from the liberal media.

That light bulb has served honourably, and anything negative you say undermines the lighting effect.

Why do you hate freedom?
.

so which is better to buy?
the long life kind, that cost more in electricity?

or the regular kind that use less electricity?

come on man... you made the post... now gimme those answers....
NOW!

(and you forgot to mention the troll hunters...)

TROLL!

You also forgot to mention the one about light bulbs don't actually emit light.. They suck up the dark!

I have discovered a way to travel through time. Many people don't know but lightbulbs give off a cosmic radiospectronic signal that enables one to vibrate at a higher frequency to all other living matter, thus in effect allowing one to control time. I have personally witnessed the crucifixtion of jesus and have had intimate conversation with john titor, IN HIS OWN TIME .

This scientific breakthrough was discovered from top secret documents recovered from a UFO crash in Atlantis 1300BC and needs to be made known across the world! All I need is for everyone to send $9.95 c/o The Bulby Institute to a secret mategonian swiss bank account so I can conduct further research & mass produce this marvel. With $2,000,000 I will be able to construct a 10m tall bulb that will shine out across Australia, isolating us in our own time bubble, thus protecting us from when the world gets wiped out.

I need your donations NOW before the greys silence me. I can already feel them invading my very brain processes & stealing the very essence of my soul. Please, do it for yourself, do it for your country, do it for humanity, reach into your pockets and donate now.

Thumbs up man, that made may day. I don't think I've seen that concise of a reflection of the hive-mind here at ATS in a while.

I especially love the last line.

There is a 2% divergence on John Titor's light bulb burning out in the swamp.

the lightpulp conspiracy is a hoax, the lightbulb is clearly photoshopped!

The incandescent lightbulbs are being phased out of all of the countries little by little. The incandescent lightbulb used to be all over my house when I was young. Then when they changed the lightbulbs to fluorescent lightbulbs, I would slowly but surely get more sluggish, zombie-like, higher anxiety and less motivation into life. Now there's an incandescent lightbulb in my room and I started to get better. Not how I was when I was young, but still. Now I'm considering getting a job in the future to get enough money to make silver solution. I want to feel as healthy as a kid again! Fluorescent lightbulbs dull down motivation for success. It's a brain zombification device.