Dammit, no space sex for you

"WHERE NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM Forget colonising Mars – From shrivelled willies to sex dolls and radioactive babies, expert reveals why sex will make living in space a nightmare"

Scientists might say it's rather difficult but I'll give it a go.

"SEX in space is a logistical nightmare with problems ranging from floating fluids to shrinking manhoods, a NASA-funded scientist says."

"Dr Millis, of Anderson University in Indiana, compared sex in space to having intercourse while “skydiving” but added that it was “not impossible.”

"“Imagine engaging in sexual activity while skydiving - every push or thrust will propel you in opposite directions."

There's something mentioned about shrinkage too....
Nah, I'll just stay on earth.

www.thesun.co.uk...

Good earth propaganda post.

a reply to: Bluntone22


Working on my new invention for that! I am calling it the "Humpstock". Get it? It's a very wide rubber band that fits around the hips.

I want to see an Orcasio-Cortez 'O-face' in outer space.
Put that one on the bucket-list.

a reply to: skunkape23

Shes already in outer space

originally posted by: Bluntone22
a reply to: skunkape23

Shes already in outer space

I'm running a little late.

a reply to: Bluntone22

And straps are not invented in space... hmmm ?
just saying


Like this this some mods

a reply to: Bluntone22

There are endless ways to bump uglies here on Earth and those poindexters in space with their masters degrees just can't figure it out. They're all working out the math still...

This seems like a no-brainer to me. Without being too graphic, I see an elastic hammock that, like the ones on Earth, can wrap clear around two people, regardless of orientation, age, or gender. They then do what comes naturally. Could use larger ones for ........ umm..... gatherings of more than two. It would keep folks from floating hard into things. It would keep people at close proximity as long as they wished, allowing movement.

I'm shocked, shocked I tell you, that an old fart like me had to come up with it.

a reply to: Bluntone22

Floating fluids? This sounds like a very dangerous bio-hazard. Definitely not what you want on the inside of your nice, shiny, sterile satellite/spacecraft.

a reply to: Bluntone22

I wonder how sperm would swim their journey in no gravity. Would it improve or decrease pregnancy chances for those few that manage to get the mechanics down and are actually trying to procreate in space?

a reply to: seeker1963

That’s a great idea!
I’m picturing the “Slap Chop” guy doing the infomercial for it lol

With the “Humpstock 5000” You provide one solid pump and then the rubber band does the rest.
Before you know it, it’s a wrap and your safely being rocked to sleep as you float around the cabin.
Be one of the first 100 callers, and For an extra $9.99 we’ll throw in a styrofoam drip cup.


Jesus H Christ I need to go to bed...

originally posted by: LightSpeedDriver
a reply to: Bluntone22

Floating fluids? This sounds like a very dangerous bio-hazard. Definitely not what you want on the inside of your nice, shiny, sterile satellite/spacecraft.

I'm sure phlegmy sneezes happen on the ISS. I know that's not the fluids you were talking about, but the point is that the spacecraft are built with floating fluid droplets in mind.

Two words: sex closet.

Not only would it be suitable for leverage, but fluids wouldn't be able to get everywhere. And you'd have the added benefit of knowing who was down for it and when. Plus, you'd know who the creepy ones were for hanging out by the sex closet all the time.

a reply to: sine.nomine

To be fair, it's not like there's much else to do up there except film fake footage. That gets boring after a while.

"Dr Millis, of Anderson University in Indiana, compared sex in space to having intercourse while “skydiving” but added that it was “not impossible.”

I hereby offer my services as a volunteer in this program for the good of America. And for the advancement of space travel.

Onward and upward.

Ill offer myself up to enter space and test how its done... cheerfully... happily even.

That said, I have seen a video of a couple having sex in free fall, so it is possible and not that hard as long as you have no fear of the situation.

originally posted by: sine.nomine
a reply to: Bluntone22

There are endless ways to bump uglies here on Earth and those poindexters in space with their masters degrees just can't figure it out. They're all working out the math still...

Im thinking velcro would solve all the problems.

a reply to: dug88

That's actually a good question! I wonder this too.

Well since I already deal with shrinkage and can't get any action on Earth..

I volunteer to be Earth's offworld ambassador.