posted on Nov, 26 2018 @ 11:49 AM
Having been through divorce once (no kids fortunately), and close a second time, I've learned a couple things.
In a traditional man/woman relationship, male emotions seem to work differently from female emotions. Now granted, this is from a male perspective
(so I guess I'm biased by default), so take it for what it's worth...
If you could give both party's in an unraveling relationship "truth serum" and ask them a few questions I'm convinced you could distill 90% of all
core relationship issues down to a couple simple themes:
1. The other person needs me, I don't need them.
2. If it wasn't for me, the other person would fail. (aka...I do everything, they do nothing, hence I'm entitled to always being 'right').
These two concepts lead to all sorts of problems, not the least of which is selfishness, lack of trust and unfaithfulness. The trust and monogamy
issues are usually the reasons cited for the breakup, but they're not really the root cause. The root causes are the two enumerated items, not the
result of those two items.
Again, I may be biased, but this (I believe) is where the differences emotionally between men and women show up. In order to understand these you
have to look back at what attracts men and women initially. Sure appearance has some to do with it, but not in the way you think. The female
instinctively looks for an independent male, a leader not a follower. I've always felt this is why women make some of the worst choices of men in
relationships more frequently. They will pick the 'bad boy' 7 times out of 10...unless there is some other extenuating circumstance (i.e. money,
status or security (only sometimes)).
Now, I can already feel some of the female members here sharpening up their claws to slay me for what I just wrote, but stay with me here. Men do the
same thing, but kind of in reverse. They look for sex appeal, and diminutive personality which is not overpowering. This is equally wrong, because
all of these things are on the surface.
Once a person starts feeling like they're doing everything (regardless of whether they truly are or not) things go downhill. And the longer this
festers, the faster they go downhill. No words will fix this. Read that again...no words will fix this. Only actions. You can talk, apologize,
grovel, try to be nice...doesn't matter, none of this will fix anything.
It's only when the other party realizes that you really don't need them to survive (and they think you do), only then will they pause to evaluate
their own posture and your relationship. I've seen it more times than I can count. What you are doing is, in essence, resetting the clock back to
what attracted you to begin with.
Now, if your relationship started out with what I call a "pitchfork / shotgun wedding" then none of the above will likely work, and you may just need
to cut your losses and get out. Otherwise, just focus on being that same independent person again. Don't focus on "proving" it to the other party
(they'll know), just do it and live it.
And a side note; many hear the word jealousy and immediately think it has everything to do with surface emotions, but there's more, and this comes in
the form of lack of jealousy. "Why isn't he just green with envy because of how well I'm doing on my own, and how much fun I'm having without
So, the next time you put your hand on the phone to call...think twice before you speak. Nothing but the facts. Don't try to talk the problem out
(not yet anyway), because then you're playing right into the "AHA...see? He still needs me more than I need him"...and the death march
By doing this you actually kill two birds with one stone. If, in the end, you both realize that you don't need each other, or you don't like each
other, then maybe you weren't meant to be together to begin with. And, in the process you've already learned to be happy independent of the other
person at the same time.
That's all I got for ya.