posted on Nov, 21 2018 @ 09:35 AM
OP, I've had those same feelings MANY times throughout my life.
I even tried to get myself to NOT believe in God. I tried many different spiritual beliefs, including New Age crap ((and that's exactly what it
is-crap), etc. Through a series of events, I gradually started considering God again, the Christian God I was raised with, but with a focus on
Christ, and today I try to make it a priority to seek God/Jesus every day. And it's been so rewarding.
I've found that God is indescribably merciful and patient with us, and when we are ready to seek Him, all that's required is the tiniest of steps
towards him. An open mind to his presence, an acknowledgement of the good things He's given you, a sincere question...and He will respond. I'll also
say that God and Jesus are different than what I previously believed, and the PERSONAL relationship is what God wants with each of us. I don't attend
church now except for when I visit family; yet I feel closer to Jesus now than I ever did growing up, where I went to church three times a week, every
single week for 18 years.
Long way to say that I understand where you're coming from, with the feeling guilty for paying more attention to God when you're in crisis than in
everyday life. And I think that's very common; but you might consider this as an invitation from God and Jesus to develop a relationship with them
that is deeper than it's ever been. If you answer the invitation, it WILL be rewarding! And I don't know your background, but if you're like me, the
new relationship will be way different than you imagined it was "supposed" to be (it will be so much better!).
Last thing I'll say in this long post is that this podcast I listen to has blessed me so much- this guy explains and interprets the Bible using its
original languages (Hebrew for the Old Testament, Greek for the New Testament) AND in the context of the culture of the time. Which changes much of
what we are normally taught about what the bible says. It's fascinating, if you're interested! It's called The Naked Bible podcast and you can find
it on iTunes.
Thanks for the thread, Kalsek- and I will put you in my prayers!