Through a Meme Dankly
(The following is a complete transcription of a letter found abandoned on the desk of the Oval Office of the White House, Washington D.C.)
To: Madam President
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
November 13, 2027
Madam President, I write this letter with a heavy heart. I write it with sorrow and extreme reluctance, but I feel compelled to write it all the
My name is Dr. Gunther Davis. I am, was, a lead pharmacologist at MultiPharm. The name may be familiar as I was the person responsible for
developing the Supervaccine two years ago that eradicated every known flu that mankind had been suffering from. If you remember, it was so popular
that it went world-wide. As you may be aware, your mandatory vaccine program for every living soul on the planet insured that every single person now
carried my vaccine.
And it is a killer.
I gave you a chance. I truly did. There was a cure, something as simple as an OH group addition on a carbon ring that would have saved humanity.
Something so simple that just another injection would have caused no harm to anyone ever.
I was skeptical of your policies after the election. Your heavy-handed approach to foreign policy, your authoritarian steps domestically. But I
thought that maybe if I just waited a little bit, things would turn around.
Instead, things got worse.
But still I waited, waiting until the last minute to deliver my cure to the toxin that you had so gleefully mandated that everyone get. You see, my
vaccine does cure every known flu and lethal virus, but the catch is that after 24 months, the immunoglobulins in the blood start to congeal and
solidify. After a brief bit of pain, the body is left a statue, dead. The blood and fluids solidified inside. There is no way to cure the onset.
There is no way to stop it.
I was about to deliver the cure inside a booster dose of my miracle vaccine when I was fired. You see, I made a meme mocking your administration. I
was joking online and made a meme insulting your administration.
Soon afterwards I was fired. My bank accounts frozen. My wife and children were forced to leave me or either suffer the same fate. My children
weren’t even allowed back in school until they publicly denounced me. My wife, the same.
All access to social media, cable, water, sewer, electric, rent, finances were shut off to me because I insulted your administration. My only option
was to enter a re-education center and hope for the best or live among the underground community, cut off from all ties to my family, friends, work,
As a result, I was never able to offer the cure for my poison.
It only takes a few hours once the headaches start. Then you won’t have to worry about your place in history any longer.
No one will.
Dr. Gunther Davis
edit on 11-8-2018 by DBCowboy because: (no reason given)