Ghosting and Respect

originally posted by: mblahnikluver
You flirt with your ex who has a boyfriend? Sorry that sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Yes massively, our eye contact is intense, we never stopped loving each other, she wanted a child and I didn't so split after a calm 5 minute chat.
She had her child with some prick bloke and when her child reaches adulthood I'm guessing she'll dump him and we'll be back together again.
Sounds harsh but I don't care to be honest, I don't like him and I love her.

originally posted by: ccseagull
a reply to: American-philosopher


If one is not interested, then the only decent thing to do is to let the other person know you are not interested.

Otherwise, the one that is ghosting the other person is causing the ignored person to be filled with self-doubt, self-hate, endless questions of "how can I be/do better" and it stops that person from being the unique individual they are. Sometimes people just don't belong together for many reasons, or one isn't feeling it.

Respect and common decency have all disappeared it seems.
)

This right here.

As someone who was ghosted by someone after almost 2 years yes this is EXACTLY what it does to the person who was ghosted. I've never had that in my life. It did terrible damage to my psyche and ability to trust someone again. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man who lives over in Europe. We met in person in March and we clicked instantly. He really showed me a great time and has treated me like nobody ever has in my life. He is respectful and kind. The distance does not bother me. I've had quite a few LDR, so it's nothing new. Yet due to being ghosted I doubt everything he does or says. I manage it because I know it's not true and it's only because of how I was previously treated that I have these feelings. My BF never knows I have these feelings because I don't act on them. He does a great job on his own of making those feelings go away and he has no idea. He is definitely one of a kind in my eyes. It's nice to have someone that treats me with respect.

So YES it is extremely wrong to do to someone. People have committed suicided because of it! How can that be ok?!

Ghosting so popular now it's scary. I see it all over forums, people discussing being ghosted. Some stories are extremely heartbreaking! I just can't fathom doing that to someone who loved me or that I loved at one time. Society in many ways has become cruel and hides being a keyboard or a phone. They can't face reality outside of a screen.

There is no empathy or compassion anymore.

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy

Like I said that sounds like a recipe for disaster.

I just think it's playing with fire.

originally posted by: CornishCeltGuy

originally posted by: ccseagull
a reply to: CornishCeltGuy

What an awesome term: "life tribe".

Oh gosh, that's a really common term for us, we are from the 90's rave/free party scene, all our now young adults are also part of our life tribe, they grew up sleeping by camp fires as we partied.
I guess it's part of living by a beach

I noticed the life tribe too! I have heard that term many times where I live. I like it too!

a reply to: mblahnikluver

Can't change who you love, harsh as it may seem, her guy never has and never will have the love me and her have.
He's a prick as well, proper dominating man, but only with women. He wouldn't knock my door to kick off, that's for sure.
I'm no home wrecker though, let their child reach adulthood, I can wait. We only split because I didn't want two children with two different women.

...in the meantime, drinks at the beach with knowing looks in our eyes is good enough for me. My love will wait.

originally posted by: mblahnikluver

originally posted by: CornishCeltGuy

originally posted by: ccseagull
a reply to: CornishCeltGuy

What an awesome term: "life tribe".

Oh gosh, that's a really common term for us, we are from the 90's rave/free party scene, all our now young adults are also part of our life tribe, they grew up sleeping by camp fires as we partied.
I guess it's part of living by a beach

I noticed the life tribe too! I have heard that term many times where I live. I like it too!

Ah cool as!
It is lovely to be in a life tribe isn't it, it just seems deeper than 'friends and family'...I'd die emotionally if I lost mine.

a reply to: WarriorMH

It's mad ain't it, I can't imagine 'ghosting' someone I was into romantically, just say 'let's be mates instead' and move on, enjoy the next party with mates.
Well done holding your own as well in that 'other' thread. I was gutted mods closed it down it was going well in my opinion...funny as # the member thought I was hitting on you, my son is a few years older than you, I'll always treat you like my own young un, another human being, with my 'dad head' on lol.
Friendly and nice, but apparently that is flirting these days, lame as #.

originally posted by: trollz

I think it's very immature and a result of poor communication and relationship skills.

I agree.

Simply cutting someone out of your life as if they never existed shows a lack of empathy for other people. People are not "Disposable" But, on the other hand, if someone does this to someone, it shows the person being ignored that the other is really not worth the effort.

Acting and or pretending as if they're strangers is quite bizarre in my opinion and very telling and demonstrates how shallow some can be.

My couple of pennies.

a reply to: SLAYER69

'Ghosting' seems nuts to me, but I am in a close knit life tribe so it really isn't easy to 'ghost' someone here, especially in winter when the tourists are gone.
We are all in the banter on social media and face to face, if someone was trying to hide from someone then everyone else would tease and take the piss lol

originally posted by: CornishCeltGuy
a reply to: WarriorMH

It's mad ain't it, I can't imagine 'ghosting' someone I was into romantically, just say 'let's be mates instead' and move on, enjoy the next party with mates.
Well done holding your own as well in that 'other' thread. I was gutted mods closed it down it was going well in my opinion...funny as # the member thought I was hitting on you, my son is a few years older than you, I'll always treat you like my own young un, another human being, with my 'dad head' on lol.
Friendly and nice, but apparently that is flirting these days, lame as #.

Did not know it got closed i didn't check anymore it after the last comment when things got way too creepy. Oh well nothing of value got lost anyway

Thanks for being so kind, i really appreciate

About the ghosting thing, i feel like if someone did that to me it would hurt more than if he just kicks me out and closes the door behind me, it is worse not knowing what's going on or if i did something wrong than just know for certain what happened

a reply to: WarriorMH


Behave, I'm a dad, I treat all my sons mates the same, that's my job, same any young people, being dad is cool as #.
Ghosting sounds horrible though, gosh I'd tell a girl to her face why I don't want the relationship anymore, you know, 'sorry, it ain't working' or whatever...my love of my life though, who I was with at the beach today, my love will wait until her child reaches adulthood. I'm no home wrecker.

originally posted by: CornishCeltGuy

originally posted by: mblahnikluver
You flirt with your ex who has a boyfriend? Sorry that sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Yes massively, our eye contact is intense, we never stopped loving each other, she wanted a child and I didn't so split after a calm 5 minute chat.
She had her child with some prick bloke and when her child reaches adulthood I'm guessing she'll dump him and we'll be back together again.
Sounds harsh but I don't care to be honest, I don't like him and I love her.

Again. This is the exact reason couples that want to make it work cut out the ex. Thats not a healthy situation. You are basically waiting to take her back. If I were the prick bloke, id tell her to stop contacting you cause there is obviously still feelings there, and she needs to choose. Its like the nightmare situation.
Hopefully youll all find a way to be content and happy and not be in a love triangle.

a reply to: American-philosopher


I don’t care for ghosting; it is rude.

I had an ex from 30 years ago (who ghosted me) find me on fakebook. He tried so hard to meet up again that I had to block him. I told him it was never going to happen ever. The reason, cause he ghosted me before.

I used to be shy, now I have no problem telling someone to lose my #.

I am a little too honest with these things, but at least people knew where they stood with me.

a reply to: American-philosopher

I think it is disrespectful. It tells the other person that they don't deserve a call and honest "This isn't working for me, thank you for your time."

I also think it is rather cowardly and a sign of poor character.

If a person was worth your time to see - even once, then they are deserving of the truth. You can be kind. I think this 'ghosting' is a sign of poor relationship skills. Relationships take moral courage with often requires difficult conversations.

It is such a passive-aggressive mannerism as to be off-putting.

a reply to: Whoisjohngalt

Me and her will be together again that is for sure.
Just time. It will be when her child reaches adulthood...not many years now, I can wait, but he will lose her to me because of our love.
The years apart will mean nothing to me, but the reconnection will mean everything.

originally posted by: CornishCeltGuy
a reply to: Whoisjohngalt

Me and her will be together again that is for sure.
Just time. It will be when her child reaches adulthood...not many years now, I can wait, but he will lose her to me because of our love.
The years apart will mean nothing to me, but the reconnection will mean everything.

I believe on this, i have seen it on friends and one of my older cousins had a girlfriend in middle school and he was with her until finishing high school then they went apart to college and didn't see each other for 15 years and then they got together once they have made all the things they wanted to make on their own and now they are married and with kids and are very fine.

I think it is not about when or at what age or time but what you want to do with your life, at any point

a reply to: WarriorMH

It's just love to me, once I love someone then I always do...even if they piss me off.
I agree though, when two people 'know' in each others eyes, it's special, but complicated at times.
I can wait for my love of my life...she is waiting for me with equal reasons about raising a well balanced adult...I only ever meet her when she is child free. Kids shouldn't be involved in adult bull#...can't wait until her child is an adult.

I have learned so much these last couple of months. I have come to realize that my young patients and I were speaking two different languages, and that their virtual world was as foreign to me as what I consider my real world, is foreign to them.

If we think that we have a disconnect with Millennials, the children of Millennials don't communicate or even process learning and thinking the same way we old folks do.

Ghosting seems a not so usual way of ending a relationship that is is primarily carried out online. I have learned if I am going to understand these children and if I am going to be effective in my communication with them, then I have to learn their language.

I spent the entire week engaged with all of these multi-generational groups. It was fun, frustrating, tiring, and extremely insightful. It is not just a generational gap because of age, it is a gap due to mind set, and value system. I feel like the salesman in the Twilight Zone episode "Wordplay".

Which Generation are You?
The Silent Generation 1925 to 1945 ages 73 to 93
Baby Boomer Generation 1946 to 1964 ages 54 to 72
Generation X (Baby Bust) 1965 to 1979 ages 39 to 53
Xennials 1975 to 1985 ages 33 to 43
Millennials Gen Y, Gen Next 1980 to 1994 ages 24 to 38
iGen / Gen Z 1995 to 2012 ages 6 to 23
Gen Alpha 2013 to 2025 ages 1 to 5

a reply to: American-philosopher
What if you let the person know ahead of time to expect you to ghost later on?? Like you are just having casual good loving on the side, but then explain that one day you will just disappear?? That way when it happens, they will know that the time has come.

Does that make sense?? The only time I used to ghost was when I told them in the beginning that I would do it.

originally posted by: worldstarcountry
a reply to: American-philosopher
What if you let the person know ahead of time to expect you to ghost later on?? Like you are just having casual good loving on the side, but then explain that one day you will just disappear?? That way when it happens, they will know that the time has come.

Does that make sense?? The only time I used to ghost was when I told them in the beginning that I would do it.

But then you know it won't last and you can't get yourself go into it too much, what are you doing next? Just drop all feelings and memories or what? i don't get it, if you just want a free thing then say so and let things go that way but don't just disappear just say well it was fun i'll be seeing you around later on now i'm with this other girl/guy

I don't get it at all he he