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Finding Rings In The Rain [TRA2018]

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posted on Apr, 4 2018 @ 06:25 PM
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I do not have writers status, but will make an attempt at a short story.


Josie looked at the rain dripping down the picture window, and wistfully looked down at her ring finger. Earlier she had taken their dog for a walk, and somehow, she wasn’t sure where , her wedding rings had disappeared. Dan had tried to console her, telling her they would look for it after it stopped raining. Josie could not wait that long, and grabbing an umbrella, she headed out in the rain with a flashlight.

“ I’ll be back soon Dan”, Josie yelled as she hesitantly stepped outside, opening up her umbrella. The rain seemed to match her mood, dark and dreary, and she wondered if she would ever find the lost ring. As she slowly made her way on the same path she had walked their dog in their neighbourhood, she shone her flashlight, looking for a glimpse of something sparkling. It was then that she heard it. The unmistakable cry of a young child, sounding as they were in deep stress. Josie followed the sobs with her flashlight, and there beside a basement window that had been opened , sat a you g girl, no more than five years old.

As soon as she saw the flashlight she cowered with fright, and in a small helpless voice said “please don’t hurt me, I just want my mommy and daddy”. Josie’s heart lurched as she asked the child if her mommy and daddy were home. “Yes, they are home, but this is not my home. Some very bad men brought me here, and there are others like me in the basement. Please bring me back to my mommy and daddy !”.

Josie, eyes filled with tears as she immediately called 911 and explained the heart breaking situation she had come across. The 911 operator suggested Josie take the child out of the rain , and bring her to her own home, out of harms way, until police would be there. Josie did her best to reassure the child, as the rain fell on them. She let her hold the flashlight, as this seemed to bring her comfort. It was at this moment that Josie spotted the ring, perched at the edge on the edge of a neighbors lawn. Josie ‘s tears flowed bitterly as she thought about what these children had most likely been through. The warm salty tears mixed with the stinging pellets of rain, and by the time she opened the door to their home, she was holding back the sobs, for the sake of the child.

Dan looked at Josie and the child as they entered, and with bewilderment and confusion , asked “What is going on honey ?”.

Josie said , with a great depth of sadness “I found two rings Dan, but one is devoid of joy, and thank the good Lord this young one had the sense to find a window and escape. Then she began to explain what had happened, and that the police would be by soon to talk with her and take the child into protective services until her parents were contacted.

The police arrived shortly, and seemed grateful for Josie’s intercession, and began to explain that the house in question was now being thoroughly investigated for crimes against children. They had managed to pull five other children under the age of eight out of that house. One officer then turned to the child and said, “you are a brave little girl for crawling out that window, and you helped your friends very much.”

The young child nodded solemnly and with tears in her eyes, turned to Josie, and whispered “Thank you”.
Josie scooped her in her arms , and choked out “ You’re so welcome.”

As the police cruiser drove off , Dan and Josie stared at the rain dripping down their picture window. As sad as this day had been , finding two rings had been a blessing, though not something they had expected would happen. Josie sighed, as the tears rolled over her cheeks. At least six children were once again safe, but how many more were out there needing rescuing? The thought troubled her, and she nervously rotated her wedding ring on her finger.


The End

( my apologies for bad grammar, as well as punctuation.. not to mention my juvenile style of writing , but you’ll never improve without practice.. correct ?)


edit on 4-4-2018 by Sheye because: (no reason given)




posted on Apr, 4 2018 @ 06:32 PM
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oops .. double post 😜
edit on 4-4-2018 by Sheye because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 5 2018 @ 01:34 AM
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Your main character is easy to like, to root for and, though this might be your first go, you already have a distinctive voice and style.
I look forward to reading much more and seeing how you grow. Well done and thanks for the story.



posted on Apr, 5 2018 @ 07:42 AM
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I agree with Sprocket on this, Sheye. Your voice & style is already coming through here and in the Shed with your entries there. Keep writing, keep working at it.

I think you could take Josie quite a ways and go many directions with more stories about her. I'm looking forward to seeing what other stories are in your heart that are just waiting to come out.



posted on Apr, 5 2018 @ 08:08 AM
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Thank you SprocketUK and PrairieShepard ... your encouragement means so much.



posted on Apr, 5 2018 @ 09:09 AM
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I liked it! First story I've read all morning where nobody died!

Good one.




posted on Apr, 5 2018 @ 09:32 AM
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a reply to: angeldoll

I noticed that as well - seems to be something of a theme on this contest. What is it about rain that makes us go there?



posted on Apr, 5 2018 @ 09:34 AM
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a reply to: Sheye


A really good story and worth a flag and star.



posted on Apr, 5 2018 @ 09:51 AM
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a reply to: angeldoll

Thank you angeldoll 😊



posted on Apr, 5 2018 @ 09:55 AM
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a reply to: mamabeth

Means a lot to me that you enjoyed it mamabeth.

Going to try to work on my description more, so hopefully I will improve as time goes on. There are so many great writers on this site that I can learn from !



posted on Apr, 5 2018 @ 04:07 PM
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a reply to: Sheye
You wrote this well, from the heart. Thank you for sharing your work with us.


You mentioned that you have problems with grammar, punctuation and so forth; I would be glad to help you with these issues. I have spent about 20 years editing and correcting texts -- books, journal articles and so on -- so if you would like me to pass on some basic advice to you, I'd be glad to do so. We can communicate via PMs.

At the very least, I can help you avoid some of the most common errors, which The Chicago Manual of Style and similar publications warn about.



posted on Apr, 5 2018 @ 04:20 PM
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originally posted by: JustMike
a reply to: Sheye
You wrote this well, from the heart. Thank you for sharing your work with us.


You mentioned that you have problems with grammar, punctuation and so forth; I would be glad to help you with these issues. I have spent about 20 years editing and correcting texts -- books, journal articles and so on -- so if you would like me to pass on some basic advice to you, I'd be glad to do so. We can communicate via PMs.

At the very least, I can help you avoid some of the most common errors, which The Chicago Manual of Style and similar publications warn about.


That would be so helpful JustMike.

I missed some quotation marks, and there are some questions I have. Learned all this stuff decades ago but it must have petrified in the ol’ noggin, and I’m getting a lot of punctuation confused.

Maybe if you could just direct me to a good link that covers the basics, it would be an improvement 😆.
Thanks for your kind offer, and not being judgmental of my stupidity 😏.



posted on Apr, 5 2018 @ 04:53 PM
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a reply to: Sheye
There is undoubtedly a good link somewhere that would cover the basics, or even hundreds of links, but I prefer to address specific issues. Otherwise, it is like directing someone to a respected dictionary if they have problems with spelling a couple of words.

I'll offer you some absolute fundamentals. I can PM them you, or post them here. However, as it's coming up to midnight where I am, don't be worried if there are delays in replying to you. My wife and I need some sleeeep.


ETA: meanwhile, as you said,

there are some questions I have
By all means ask: if I'm not around, there will be others who can advise.

edit on 5/4/18 by JustMike because: (no reason given)



posted on Apr, 8 2018 @ 08:18 PM
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Great story, I liked it a lot.

I am not one to offer much advice, my own work needing so much help as it is. But one thing I struggled with was tense formation and working on that seemed to help my stories progress. Find what you believe is your biggest weakness and focus on that. Don't try to change everything at once. Well, that was hard for me anyway...lol

Good Luck!



posted on Apr, 13 2018 @ 09:47 AM
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You my friend, deserve to gain the writer status on ATS! You already have the two most important things, imagination and the gift of how to put your thoughts into written words. The rest will come with practice don't worry!!!

S&F




posted on Apr, 13 2018 @ 12:34 PM
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Thank you so much to all who have encouraged me ! It means so much to a novice writer like myself.




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