Craig Sager's son tweets that he, sisters were left out of father's will

A local one the farmer died and the 2 kids showed up for their first time in years to find that he had sold the farm 25 years ago and got to live there for free till he died. Money what money. Enough for a funeral

a reply to: mikell

My parents had farmland too, they sold that decades ago, I don't think my siblings know about that either! LOL

originally posted by: JAGStorm
a reply to: DanDanDat

To you it may seem about money, but it isn't about just about money, you summed it up with your story:

Your story about your aunt:
"when the family need her too she stood up." This is the part that was lacking in most of our stories. I think a lot could be forgiven in families as long as everyone pulls their "fair share" whatever that is considered from family to family. When that doesn't happen, and there is money involved, money is used as a weapon, or as a legacy. My parents feel like my siblings have let the family down, therefore they will not "reward" that behavior. Now think if your Aunt stole the money, moved to another state, never talked to your family, then come funeral time demanded your grandfather's watch, wouldn't that be a different story??

I understand your point. I don't know how we would react had my aunt "stole the money, moved to another state, never talked to my family, then come funeral time demanded my grandfather's watch" ... Im sure I would be pissed off; but if I'm being honest and really put myself in that scenario I think it's more than likly my aunt would walk away with the watch, or something of equal value ... She is and will always be family after all; and family (to us) is the most important thing. I know my dead (in the scenario) grandfather would want his daughter to have something of his even if she wasn't the greatest of people. Truthfully in the end it's not really about how deserving my aunt might be, what matters is how we treat her. The whole "do on to others as you would have them do onto you" ... that saying is supposed to be for everyone, but with family (for me) it's on a whole other level.

This is not to say we would let ourselves be made fools by this aunt in the scenario. There was a time between when my aunt stool the money and when she stood up and made it right. The Family came down hard on her, but we never turned her away.

For example in that between time she went through a bad and long divorce and at one point her case judge made a deal that if she would pay her ex husband a few thousand dollars he would make the whole case end. She asked my father for the money but he refused to give it to her even though he could afford it. The case went on longer because she couldn't come up with the money. But my father didn't just turn her away, he went with her to every cort date and help advocate for her.

You are correct about the economics of things. Think about young people these days, they are living with their parents longer than ever, it is because it is too expensive to live on their own. In the past when rents were cheap, they moved out at a lot younger age. Families that have less, have to rely on each other more for support (like your Aunt). Families that are more self reliant can do as they wish and don't rely on the family unit, maybe this causes them to grow apart emotionally too.

Yes I was thinking this myself while I was writing my post. The ability to be self reliant vs family reliant could account for the coralation I see between wealth and family cohesion.

Perhaps also it is a cultural thing. My family is relatively young from am imograrional stand point; my father and mother and grandparents having come to the country from else where. While my wifes famly have been here for quite a few generations. Perhaps the American culture is less Famly oriented (again no judgement) than the culturs my family came from and still practice in their house hold. Perhaps my children will be farther removed from this culture of family cohesion... I hope I'm wrong though.

a reply to: DanDanDat

Ok, now what if your grandfather insisted that your aunt get nothing. What if he did everything at the end to ensure she wouldn't get a dime. Would you respect that? Would your family override his dying wishes?

I have a respect for people's wishes, and I hope when I pass mine are respect too. If my parents wanted to give everything to a distant cousin, I would assume they had their reasons. I have been lucky, I was able to make my own way early in life and did not rely on others.

I've lived in and out of the US, and yes unfortunately, I would say the US is less family oriented (in some ways) and more independence oriented, but our weakness is also our strength.

originally posted by: JAGStorm
a reply to: DanDanDat

Ok, now what if your grandfather insisted that your aunt get nothing. What if he did everything at the end to ensure she wouldn't get a dime. Would you respect that? Would your family override his dying wishes?

I have a respect for people's wishes, and I hope when I pass mine are respect too. If my parents wanted to give everything to a distant cousin, I would assume they had their reasons. I have been lucky, I was able to make my own way early in life and did not rely on others.

I've lived in and out of the US, and yes unfortunately, I would say the US is less family oriented (in some ways) and more independence oriented, but our weakness is also our strength.

JAGStorm to be clear I wasn't question your actions. I understand why you doing what you are doing, it is perfectly reasonable.

I was questioning the over all family dynamic of the stories in this thread. For example; why do "everything at the end to ensure some one wouldn't get a dime"? It's as you said earlier, using money as a weapon. And I really can't get myself into a mindset to want to turn weapons on my family... things would really have to be bad for the to happen ... like physical abuse bad .

a reply to: DanDanDat

It sounds like you are part of a very tight knit family dynamic that can work out any problems you have. Many of these stories don't have that. These are also not last minute decisions (although I'm sure that happens a lot too) Many of these problems have been ongoing for years/decades.

Some may feel physical abuse is as bad as it gets, but I think emotional abuse can be just as bad. Total abandonment at old age as soon as a parent gets sick is pretty darn low in my book. Think about that post above, the kids had not visited in 25 years!!!! Can you wrap your head around that, yet they were able to make it for the funeral?? sick.

originally posted by: JAGStorm
a reply to: DanDanDat

It sounds like you are part of a very tight knit family dynamic that can work out any problems you have. Many of these stories don't have that. These are also not last minute decisions (although I'm sure that happens a lot too) Many of these problems have been ongoing for years/decades.

Some may feel physical abuse is as bad as it gets, but I think emotional abuse can be just as bad. Total abandonment at old age as soon as a parent gets sick is pretty darn low in my book. Think about that post above, the kids had not visited in 25 years!!!! Can you wrap your head around that, yet they were able to make it for the funeral?? sick.

I guess that does make sence. Emotional abuse over 25 years is as you sat pretty low.

But than I am left wondering what went wrong prior to those 25 years that caused the kids to stay away for 25 years? How much of our actions come from nature vs nurture? How much are the parents to blame for the disposition of their children? You have to dislike someone to stay away from them for 25 years only to show up to see them dead. Using my self as an example again I couldn't stomach not being there when my parents get sick. They have given me and continue to give me so much of their time and less so money that I physical love them as I love my self. Is that just a mindset I was born with? Or something that grow after living the life I did?

a reply to: JAGStorm
That is how my family has operated for generations. My father and brothers and uncles were physically violent as well as emotionally abusive, my sister a passive aggressive compulsive liar. Like I said, I was fortunate enough to get away at 14 years old and grew up in an entirely different world than did they.
The emotional abuse I have witnessed my mother absorb from my siblings borders on criminal.
I was diagnosed with cancer, had surgery, radiation, survived and have recovered some semblance of normalcy again, still haven't heard a peep from any siblings since three years before my cancer.
Kinda like saying to someone, "I really don't give a shiite whether you live or die."
Becomes easier to reciprocate those feelings as the abuse continues unabated.