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originally posted by: JAGStorm
a reply to: DanDanDat
To you it may seem about money, but it isn't about just about money, you summed it up with your story:
Your story about your aunt:
"when the family need her too she stood up." This is the part that was lacking in most of our stories. I think a lot could be forgiven in families as long as everyone pulls their "fair share" whatever that is considered from family to family. When that doesn't happen, and there is money involved, money is used as a weapon, or as a legacy. My parents feel like my siblings have let the family down, therefore they will not "reward" that behavior. Now think if your Aunt stole the money, moved to another state, never talked to your family, then come funeral time demanded your grandfather's watch, wouldn't that be a different story??
You are correct about the economics of things. Think about young people these days, they are living with their parents longer than ever, it is because it is too expensive to live on their own. In the past when rents were cheap, they moved out at a lot younger age. Families that have less, have to rely on each other more for support (like your Aunt). Families that are more self reliant can do as they wish and don't rely on the family unit, maybe this causes them to grow apart emotionally too.
originally posted by: JAGStorm
a reply to: DanDanDat
Ok, now what if your grandfather insisted that your aunt get nothing. What if he did everything at the end to ensure she wouldn't get a dime. Would you respect that? Would your family override his dying wishes?
I have a respect for people's wishes, and I hope when I pass mine are respect too. If my parents wanted to give everything to a distant cousin, I would assume they had their reasons. I have been lucky, I was able to make my own way early in life and did not rely on others.
I've lived in and out of the US, and yes unfortunately, I would say the US is less family oriented (in some ways) and more independence oriented, but our weakness is also our strength.
originally posted by: JAGStorm
a reply to: DanDanDat
It sounds like you are part of a very tight knit family dynamic that can work out any problems you have. Many of these stories don't have that. These are also not last minute decisions (although I'm sure that happens a lot too) Many of these problems have been ongoing for years/decades.
Some may feel physical abuse is as bad as it gets, but I think emotional abuse can be just as bad. Total abandonment at old age as soon as a parent gets sick is pretty darn low in my book. Think about that post above, the kids had not visited in 25 years!!!! Can you wrap your head around that, yet they were able to make it for the funeral?? sick.